[LearningMe01]

Deleted for privacy reasons. Thanks to all who replied :-)

[ultramar]

Well... clearly you did well by not staying in therapy with her --yikes. Though to be fair, her daughter's issues aren't hers.

I'm not sure what you'd be reporting her for, though. Her daughter for pseudo-abandoning her son? Though that's iffy, she technically left him with you. What would you be reporting the therapist for?

Sounds like you'll need to set out strict ground rules with the daughter, if you have to be blunt, be blunt. No buddies, no confidences, no babysitting. She sounds like someone who if you give an inch she takes a mile (is that the expression?) so you may have to really spell things out. Good luck!

[Tamster]

Holy sh it wtf

[EllieBear]

I don't know about reporting her or how that would work, so sorry, I'm not much help with that. But wow that is a mess! I would try talking to your T about it again, because just saying report her doesn't help you figure out how to actually deal with the current situation. Have you thought about what you need in order to take care of yourself in this situation? That could range from no contact whatsoever with ex-t or her daughter to whatever form of contact you are okay with. It's okay to figure out what you need and set some boundaries in this situation. Sorry you have to deal with this!

[LearningMe01]

Originally Posted by ultramar

Well... clearly you did well by not staying in therapy with her --yikes. Though to be fair, her daughter's issues aren't hers.

I'm not sure what you'd be reporting her for, though. Her daughter for pseudo-abandoning her son? Though that's iffy, she technically left him with you. What would you be reporting the therapist for?

Sounds like you'll need to set out strict ground rules with the daughter, if you have to be blunt, be blunt. No buddies, no confidences, no babysitting. She sounds like someone who if you give an inch she takes a mile (is that the expression?) so you may have to really spell things out. Good luck!

Well, the ex T has also said a few things she probably shouldn't have. Like when she saw my Husband on the porch with me she said something to the effect of "well, lord knows we've talked about him enough in therapy". And today, her grandson said "I know how you know my Nanna." I said "Oh yea, how's that?" he said "don't be mad, but she said you were her patient" and he also started listing a bunch of names (first and last) of other clients she has. That and the fact that she's kind of unloading her personal issues on me. She's clearly not the most ethical of therapists....but she's like 70 years old, and clearly doesn't have an easy life...I'm not going to cause more trouble for her.

But to answer your question, I think that is what my T was wanting me to report her for. I'm not going to do that....but now I'm confused as to if I can talk about this incident in therapy this week. My T is new (phd student) and very "eager", her and I also have a great relationship, and she gets a little worked up sometimes if I tell her someone is bothering me. (Not worked up in an inappropriate way, you can just tell she doesn't like it)

[LearningMe01]

Originally Posted by Tamster

Holy sh it wtf

Seriously!

[LearningMe01]

Originally Posted by EllieBear

I don't know about reporting her or how that would work, so sorry, I'm not much help with that. But wow that is a mess! I would try talking to your T about it again, because just saying report her doesn't help you figure out how to actually deal with the current situation. Have you thought about what you need in order to take care of yourself in this situation? That could range from no contact whatsoever with ex-t or her daughter to whatever form of contact you are okay with. It's okay to figure out what you need and set some boundaries in this situation. Sorry you have to deal with this!

Yea, I'm not the type of person to report anyone, my current T just gets a little worked up over this ethical thing. At least I know she cares :-)

I have been thinking about boundaries lately. For a while I was willing to help her out, but I'm not going to be anyone's door mat. Which is why I took the little boy home (to my ex T) today. It hurts me though, because that little boy is obviously suffering from the situation, and although I REALLY wish I could help him , I really don't know how to. I mean, I spend time with him when I can, but today - I had things to do, and she didn't ask, she just dropped him on my porch and left.

[EllieBear]

Originally Posted by LearningMe01

Yea, I'm not the type of person to report anyone, my current T just gets a little worked up over this ethical thing. At least I know she cares :-)

I have been thinking about boundaries lately. For a while I was willing to help her out, but I'm not going to be anyone's door mat. Which is why I took the little boy home (to my ex T) today. It hurts me though, because that little boy is obviously suffering from the situation, and although I REALLY wish I could help him , I really don't know how to. I mean, I spend time with him when I can, but today - I had things to do, and she didn't ask, she just dropped him on my porch and left.

I think it's good that you took the little boy back home. I wouldn't stand for that from any neighbor. It is hard, though, and I understand wanting to help the child too. I guess reading your post I thought that if it was me, I would have a harder time standing up for myself and setting boundaries with them because it was an ex-t than if it was another neighbor. I would be more likely to bend what I wanted in order to accommodate them, and I would take a lot more crap than I would from someone else just because of the inherent power differential that happens with therapists. I'm glad you didn't do that and that you did take the boy home. You are exactly right...you don't have to be their doormat.

[LearningMe01]

Originally Posted by EllieBear

I think it's good that you took the little boy back home. I wouldn't stand for that from any neighbor. It is hard, though, and I understand wanting to help the child too. I guess reading your post I thought that if it was me, I would have a harder time standing up for myself and setting boundaries with them because it was an ex-t than if it was another neighbor. I would be more likely to bend what I wanted in order to accommodate them, and I would take a lot more crap than I would from someone else just because of the inherent power differential that happens with therapists. I'm glad you didn't do that and that you did take the boy home. You are exactly right...you don't have to be their doormat.

I seem to have a problem with that power differential thing. Like, I don't see it. lol I don't know why....it just doesn't bother me I guess.

But you are exactly right, I did do a lot more for them because of who they were, and there were times when I REALLY didn't feel like it, but did it anyway. I was sort of being a door mat. I have a hard time telling people "no" Always have, but I have been working in that in therapy, so hopefully, it'll get better :-)

[EllieBear]

Originally Posted by LearningMe01

I seem to have a problem with that power differential thing. Like, I don't see it. lol I don't know why....it just doesn't bother me I guess.

But you are exactly right, I did do a lot more for them because of who they were, and there were times when I REALLY didn't feel like it, but did it anyway. I was sort of being a door mat. I have a hard time telling people "no" Always have, but I have been working in that in therapy, so hopefully, it'll get better :-)

This would be a VERY hard situation to say no in. Be patient with yourself I think a lot of people would have a hard time setting boundaries in this situation. Any boundary you are able to set I think shows incredible strength...so good job!