Couldn't handle silence!

Last evening during my session there were several moments of silence. My T told me that she does this to give me the time to stay in the moment...at least that is what I think she said! For the first time since January (when I started with T) I felt really squirmy...couldn't wait to leave yet I didn't want to..does that make any sense? During a moment of silence I blurted out...this is very uncomfortable for me!! She said that I was going into safety mode or something like that...it's all so foggy. She wanted me to go deeper and tell her how I felt..well the more I tried the worse I felt...gives uncomfortable new meaning for me, I struggled to find the words but it was so hard!! So it was about time to go..I gave her the check, and still was so frazzled..she didn't want me to walk out feeling like that so she said, I could sit down if I wanted for a few minutes..I looked at her and hesitated, not sure what was going on with me!!! I felt so strange..still am perplexed by this experience. So I said "okay, I will for a few" and plopped back down onto the sofa...just fell into it...what the...??? Then after another 2 or 3 agonizing minutes I said " okay, time to go". I couldn't deal..I wanted to run. Has anyone experienced this during their session?

It's not at all uncommon for people to be uncomfortable with silence. I didn't like it myself at first.

It took me awhile to get used to sitting in silence with my t too. I remember how I squirmed the first time!! but it does get easier, at least it did for me.

IT is so uncomfortable to sit in silence with someone observing you but sometimes it is nice to just have someone sit there with you and be with you and not to have to say anything but to just be there.
It sounds like this was more than silence and that something really got to you the last session. Was it a really hard session for you?

The silence is because mt T does not know what to say or o with me so I help him out(because I feel bad for him) by giving him trivial matrial to work with.

It's not trivial if it matters to you.

I hate silence. Ts like it though. Damn Ts and their silences...

I know!! It is very uncomfortable....but this was significant... it was actually beyond uncomfortable....I felt anxiety, like I just needed to get out of there! Why do they do the silence thing...to make us squirm??

Hi,Monalisa
It was a little difficult...we had a relatively minor rupture in the beginning of our session which was worked through...and the rest is sort of foggy...does that ever happen? Can't recall everything that we talked about....but it was beyond uncomfortable... I had anxiety and wanted to jump out of my skin...crazy!! At one point during the discomfort I thought that I might cry....might...but of course I didn't. I dunno...this therapy stuff is weird!

Hi,Artemis
I just hope it gets easier,soon. It is terrible sitting there...why do they do that??

I don't think I really mind silence that much. Maybe because I'm not much of a talker anyway and am used to silence if someone else isn't dominating a conversation.

A lot of times in therapy I'll have to think about a question for a few minutes in silence. Usually my mind races trying to put together words and then rehearse them to see if it sounds okay, check them to see if it really answers the question, then run it past my censors. If I can't think of anything to say or don't want to say my answer, then I have to look up and make eye contact. Still, I'm far more comfortable in the silence than when I'm talking. I'm glad my T doesn't try to push it further than that, because I don't think it would be very productive.

...and reading what I just wrote, I know I have a lot of defenses in place. But the way I see things, if his question makes me think about things and understand something a little better, I find that valuable even if don't want to share that answer with him. It's a bit like doing my homework during class and then not turning it in, but that's where I am, and at least I've learned something.

This totally makes sense to me! I used to not be able to handle any silence at all in my life! For many years as a teacher i thrived on the constant noise of my classroom. And i came home and always had the tv on.
When i started seeing this t, we sat on the couch together, and i would put my head on her shoulder, and we would sit in silence, she would often hold my hand . It was very comfortable. We wouldnt talk. She said she was teaching me to just sit comfortably and quietly with a safe person-- i had never had that before in my life.
It was soooo hard at first! I couldnt stand silence! But after a while i got used to it. So used to it in fact tht that i eventually got so comfortable that i would fall asleep
Nowadays as a school director i get home and covet silence !!! I get home, and the tv and radio are off all evening. All weekend the house is silent

Silence has been hard for me, it is easy to misinterpret the T's demeanor as hostile , when he is really being kinda calm and neutral. It does get easier in time.

Silence can feel like so many things. At first it was burdensome: in "normal" social interactions, we don't often leave space for silence. Speech is often equated with power, so silence in T can feel confusing: is it submissive or is it a power play? If it's submissive, why do I feel so uncomfortable? Or why does it feel like I'm being dissected?

But silence can come to feel very compassionate, too. And rather than alienating, it can also feel very connecting.

I think it's all about what is happening emotionally under the surface, and silence creating the space that allows that to come forth--whether we want it to or not.

My T is sometimes silent, and one time my emotions escalated during the silent time, but most of the time I try to use it to notice what I am feeling and to calm myself.

Hey, Growly
Yes,I am so confused because I get to thinking and maybe it is me projecting? I really don't know. I feel defensive now, like I am ready to just go into safety mode...and all the while wondering if this is a part of the therapeutic process...guess I have to just put myself out on a limb and bring it up.....yuck.

Wow...that is pretty cool...not sure if I could do that but I wish that I could!! Sounds like it would really help to make one feel safe....yeah, I am pretty mixed up about this process...it will be discussed during my next session.

Sometimes it makes me uncomfortable, but most of the time I need that silence. It reminds me of how with certain people you can sit together and not talk and it won't be uncomfortable because you are very close.

Hopefully I will get to that point, thanks:-)