Narcissistic Injury

This is what T thinks might have happened to me on Tuesday.

I was waiting for my appointment and I saw another client come out just as my session usually starts. T came to get me what seemed like 45 seconds later. In 3 years, I've never seen another client in her office. I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. She transitioned from one client to another in 1 minute. If clients or sessions mean anything, how is that possible. I thought I'd been doing so much better about accepting that I wasn't more special than anyone but that T still cared.

This just destroyed any progress I thought I'd made. I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. I could hardly stand being in Ts office. It did not feel safe. Hundreds of other people had been there before. People better than I am.

I couldn't stay in session. I had to leave. That's when it all really hit me. The emotions were insanely high. It was all I could do not to bawl on the metro. I felt worthless. My head, heart, and stomach all ached. My heart still feels like it's being twisted in knots. I didn't think I could ever go back to therapy. I never want to feel like that again.

I went today and was sorta able to explain it to T, but I still felt devastated afterword. I am nothing to her...just a number in a file. The same or less than everyone else who pays her.

I don't want this to be a narcissistic injury because I feel like that delegitimizes it. I want to feel how I feel and for it to be okay. It hurts.

((Fixated))
Yes, it hurts.

This sounds very painful ...why is the word "narcissistic" being used to describe it? You are hurt, understandably so; so many of us would have felt terrible...and that word has negative connotations.
I have gone out with two full blown narcissists long term and both my parents were, so I guess I am trying to understand the use of the word.
Hugs to you.

When a person has a narcissistic personality disorder (or borderline with narcissistic traits, etc), any perceived injury to that person's self esteem or self worth is called a narcissistic injury.

Oh. Thanks. Now I learned something today.

Sorry for the cluelessness, Fixated...

No cluelessness that I can see.

I don't have any diagnosed disorder (according to T), but...yeah..I definitely have narcissistic tendencies that we're working on. I really thought I was getting past them. I guess it just never ends.

I transition from one activity right into another all the time; it doesn't mean I wasn't interested in the prior activity.

That said, from what I understand, all feelings are "okay".

My T talks about "healthy narcissism" sometimes - that is something different from narcissistic disorder, but it's still a form of narcissism, in that it is when you are able to put yourself first, without denigrating or hurting or thinking any less of other people.

What happened here was that you were hurt, and very understandably so. (When I left T yesterday, he was opening his mail before I was out of the door. I understand your hurt, to some extent, I think.) I completely agree that for a T to have no time at all between patients makes it seem as if they neither process the session before, nor prepare for the next session. That's not irrational or selfish or weird, to think that way. But your T is probably completely and utterly able to switch between clients - I'm just saying that the feeling that it ought to take more time is not weird in any way.

I don't want to tell you what to think or feel because I obviously don't know the first thing, but I would like to suggest that this is a temporary setback, and not a destruction of all your progress. In fact, it might even be a realisation that could eventually help you move forward in therapy.

But it hurts. Oh yes.

I think it's okay to feel hurt - I understand why you would. And I agree with mastodon that it doesn't have to undo all of your progress.

I've read things written by other Ts who talk about everyone experiencing narcissistic injury in one form or another. It doesn't just have to apply to people with NPD. For example, the birth of a sibling constitutes a narcissistic injury. I don't think it has to be a pejorative thing, just a description of the hurt feelings.

This is true WITHOUT the "when" clause. That's what mastodon explains, and likelife. But I wanted to stress it. A narcissistic injury does not only happen to a narcissist! !! Maybe mkac was relying semantically on the word "perceived" (injury), idk. But I think the literature separates the two.

I don't know. Based on what I have read, narcissistic injury is almost always used in reference to narcissistic personalities and borderline personalities and not in reference to "healthy narcissism" or normal blows to self esteem. Here is just one example:
The Last Psychiatrist: Neither Is This Is A Narcissistic Injury

And just 'cause hankster started with the technical definitions : Narcissistic Injury Law & Legal Definition

It seems to me like this is an example of you taking a benign behavior and imbuing it with an interpretation of that behavior that has no basis in fact. Where is it written that a therapist can't make a 1 minute transition (especially if she is winding down one session and then starting another, both of which have trajectories)? How long the therapist has between sessions says nothing about how "special" the second client it or how much a T cares about a client. Whether or not a T cares about a client and sees them as special has to do with what they do and say in session, not how much time is in between.

Some Buddhist theory talks about how we repeat the "storyline" or "movie" of our lives in all kinds of different ways. That we take situations and create a storyline for ourselves, and it is the storyline, not the facts of what happen to us, that cause us suffering. I suppose many therapists would consider this an example of transference, in the sense that you are transferring an early life experience (or a collection of life experiences) where your parents or your FOO neglected you emotionally and didn't make you feel special or cared about, onto this current experience.

You have to figure out whether you're going to cling to your storyline about what this is, or whether or not you are willing to see it differently. Maybe the storyline benefits you in some way, even though it causes you pain. I think it can be complicated. But the first step is understanding the difference between what happens and how you interpret it.

Did you even read your citings? One is some little legal def, and the other has a disclaimer within it.

This makes a lot of sense, and I definitely recognize that my reaction has roots in my childhood. There's just so much pain right now. It feels so hard to get beyond that. Trying to logic it through seems to scratch open the wound over and over. I went on a binge and not even that helped. I just feel worse now. Maybe that's why I did it.

I guess this is a good perspective for me to try and see. I too transition like that sometimes. But for me, the idea just immediately bring up a memory/feeling of moving from something fun to something that was a dreaded chore and vice versa.

I just want T to love me. That's the thought that keeps coming to mind. Gosh darn it, I thought I was progressing beyond that.

Those were just "for instances" as I said.

I also said I didn't really KNOW so if I'm wrong, I'm fine with that. I just have not found anything that talked about a normal blow to self esteem as being a narcissistic injury. I am always willing to learn and if you have good articles I should read, please let me know.

Mkac, this doesn't sound like you. I thought you were having dinner with your d at your mils tonite. Does your h have your logon?? You can't fool us, buddy boy! Nice try, tho! . Mkac we got your back!

haha, hankster. I did apologize for coming off as a know it all.

Just makin sure! That one article sounded more like him than you, seriously! And I didn't want the OP to feel bad, was the main thing, aside from intellectual drift. I "correct" my t, too - I have no compunction s about it! Ie even if or especially when I'm wrong. Wth you only live once an I been sweet for 2 long, not that anybody could tell I was holding back!

I kind of think of it as watching two enjoyable TV shows back to back. Both can be enjoyable, just in different ways.

My T kind of jokingly asked me one time which of my kids is my favorite. I said, "the one I'm with right that minute." T looked at me and said, "can I steal that for when clients ask me which client is my favorite? Because that is absolutely how I feel about clients."

Dont know if this will help. But when i work with kids, individually, i often make pretty quick transitions. Our work is often intense. But just because i have to move onto the next child doesnt mean i dont care very deeply about the last one. I love all the kids i work with. Theyre precious and i wish i could spend more time with them.unfortunately time and my job doesnt permit me to do what i wish i could do.But each child is special

A one-minute gap between patients could mean that your T cares too much about her patients and not enough about herself. Perhaps she thinks that time for herself between sessions is time stolen from the patients? She could be working too hard.

My T may take a 5-10 min break between clients, but often he's waving goodbye to one and immediately motions me into his office. I asked once how he was able to do that, and he said that he's good at compartmentalizing. I will say ... once I enter his office, I have his full attention. And I'm sure that once the next client enters, they have his full attention. I think some people can do this, and some can't. I don't think a T that can go directly from one client to another necessarily has a problem. The problem may just be that we can't do that, so we don't believe anyone else can either.

Just like we only can live in the present - not the past, not the future. If you have your T's full attention during session, what does it matter how he/she was with the client before you, or the one after???

I spent a lot of time mulling this over last night. This is something I can process because I do watch TV shows back to back, and I do grow to care about the characters, I guess. I actually sometimes get really invested and my mood can be affected by what happens on the show.

BUT, I've always considered that an oddity. Only a small minority would react that way. I was weird/it wasn't normal. So idk....is that normal? Could that be how it is for T?

I completely appreciate your comment. I am disappointed in myself that my second thought upon reading it was that I wanted to be the client T thought about most when she wasn't with other patients.

This does help give me things to think about. But how do they matter in relation to family/friends in your real life. I think that is the embarrassing rub for me. Not only do I selfishly want to mean more than other clients, I wish I could mean as much or more to her than family too. It is pathetic.