How do you detach from t?

I don't know why they do MLS, i really don't. If you continue with therapy ever with a new T maybe you need to be absolutely crystal clear about the boundaries, what you need from them etc it's the only way to avoid this heartbreak.

Thank you Asia, you are right

I don't think it's that ts have bad boundaries per se. they are not there for us to have a comfortable relationship with at first, although that might be the ultimate goal - for us to be able to have good relationships.

They could say they exact same thing to different people on this forum, and we would probably each have a different response to it. But if we are having the same response to different ts - and it took me too many times to mention! - then maybe it's us?

My transference for my t is so strong. But I don't even like him. I am pretty sure he doesn't like me. We do make each other laugh. But just because we work so intensely on this project together, doesn't mean we would "work" together outside the therapy room.

So for me, the point is to figure out why i THINK it would feel so good to attach myself to him. Because the same would hold true for almost any other person. The only answer I have been able to come up with so far is, "Then everything would be alright." That is about as vague a statement as you can get! What I think it means, or meant to my parents, is that someone married me and proclaimed to the world that I was alright. They had their doubts about me.

That is about as old-world as you can get, I know. I wish they had informed me of their doubts. Instead, I lived DOWN to their limitations every day. It's a hard habit to break. And it's heartbreaking to think that's all it was, a habit. But that's what everyday becomes. As John Lennon said, Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans. So they ignored me while they waited for someone else to verify that I was okay. Which made me not okay.

So my t marrying me would not make me okay. His reparenting - by not ignoring me, by helping me form better daily habits - might help me become okay? See myself as okay? Idk. This is such a hard part of therapy for me. It's like the only part.