[rainbow8]

I've wondered about something for a while but was afraid of being criticized. I am curious if others look on the bottom of the forum to see where others are reading or posting? Is that intrusive? I don't always do it but often I click on the names to see who is reading my thread, or where others are reading. Is that like googling my T? I know it isn't as bad, and if someone is posting, of course we know about it, but it seems like it's snooping. Do others even look at the listing of names on the bottom to see who and how many are reading? I know it's inaccurate because not everyone logs in and some people, including myself, are "invisible", I think. But maybe it's not right to look where others are reading or posting.

I sometimes do, but only to see if there is someone missing for a while then I'll PM to see if they are doing ok. If I don't see them on the forum or their name on the users list and they've had a bad time. then i will PM them. There is always invisible mode.
I don't see it as invasive for someone to check whos reading my threads etc.
People might see my activity as invasive but I like to make sure people are ok as many people disappear and their name turn up on the grief and loss forum, I think this very sad.

In short, no not being intrusive.

[anilam]

No, somehow I'm not interested- could be that I don't have threads to check up on (I've started 2 since I joined)
anyway, I don't think it's intrusive- but hey I don't think googling your T is intrusive also

[Asiablue]

I can see why people might find it intrusive but really if you are agreeing to membership and that is one of the functions then you have to accept some people will use that function. Personally i don't care who is looking at my posts or what other people are looking at.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

but really if you are agreeing to membership and that is one of the functions then you have to accept some people will use that function.

You can control whether your name appears in the list at the bottom so that you can have that bit of privacy if you want, and I believe I have chosen that option for myself. I like that PC provides us with that choice.

[anilam]

Originally Posted by sunrise

You can control whether your name appears in the list at the bottom so that you can have that bit of privacy if you want, and I believe I have chosen that option for myself. I like that PC provides us with that choice.

Well then it's settled- ppl who mind can turn it off.

[Willowleaf]

Don't think it matters as this is a public forum, but does it ever bother you if people read your thread and then don't post?

Your have the intrusive police out in force with this thread :-0

[LadyShadow]

I don't think its intrusive just curiosity. And like people said if you're uncomfortable being seen, then just go invisible. I don't mind being visible on this site, but when I'm on AOL I am always invisible because people I don't know send me messages. But that's a different kind of community. This community is very loving and caring so I don't mind that they know I'm online and can message me anytime they want

[anilam]

A Q- if I leave the page on on my IPad and do stg else, does it still say I'm reading it?

[Perna]

I don't think it's intrusive; no one knows what you are doing with your time, and for yourself, they are busy with themselves. I don't know how useful it is to you though, it seems kind of a self-soothing (or upsetting?) behavior where you don't really have any interaction with another, just yourself and not in any way that can really give you any input/help you?

[feralkittymom]

I could care less if anyone checks what I'm reading. But my question would be: why do you care? It seems like a very obsessive way to spend one's time. What are you trying to distract yourself from with this activity?

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

I could care less if anyone checks what I'm reading. But my question would be: why do you care? It seems like a very obsessive way to spend one's time. What are you trying to distract yourself from with this activity?

And are you interested in what other people are doing, or who's paying attention to you? That would be an important question to answer, I think.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

I could care less if anyone checks what I'm reading. But my question would be: why do you care? It seems like a very obsessive way to spend one's time. What are you trying to distract yourself from with this activity?

I'm not trying to distract myself. That I know! It doesn't take long, just a minute or two. I agree it's an obsessive activity, though. I'm going to try not to do it for that reason.

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

And are you interested in what other people are doing, or who's paying attention to you? That would be an important question to answer, I think.

Both, I think, but often it's to see who is paying attention to me. It makes more sense just to wait a few hours instead of checking, though. I'm also curious as to what threads others are reading or who I know is on, though many are invisible or don't sign in.

I mentioned googling my T because it seems to me the root is similar. I want to know. It's to gain some feeling of reassurance but it's not so helpful in the long run. Maybe I'll bring it up with my T.

I think curiosity is okay, but I take things to the next level where the line between normal and abnormal is fuzzy. I'm aware of that in me.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Perna

I don't think it's intrusive; no one knows what you are doing with your time, and for yourself, they are busy with themselves. I don't know how useful it is to you though, it seems kind of a self-soothing (or upsetting?) behavior where you don't really have any interaction with another, just yourself and not in any way that can really give you any input/help you?

Exactly, Perna. It's either self-soothing or upsetting to me, just like googling my T, though that is mostly upsetting so I don't do it anymore. It goes back to kids in school rejecting me, or maybe even earlier than that. I think it's a self-esteem issue. My compulsions seem to be about validation and recognition. I can observe myself doing it, but still do it.

[ECHOES]

To me, you can't call something "intrusive" on a public forum. You are curious

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

To me, you can't call something "intrusive" on a public forum. You are curious

Then why do a lot of people think it's intrusive to google a T or look them up on Facebook? Yes, I'm curious but I also see it as a "problem" for me. Not an intrusion, then, but a compulsion that's not so helpful.

Curiosity is fine but I think mine often goes beyond that. I was just wondering if anyone else felt that way. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. I was just "curious" whether anyone else was as "curious" as I am!

[pbutton]

It does seem like a really indirect way of finding out information. I might spend some time questioning why it is so important to you to have others pay attention to you. That sounds like a painful way to live.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by pbutton

It does seem like a really indirect way of finding out information. I might spend some time questioning why it is so important to you to have others pay attention to you. That sounds like a painful way to live.

What?? It may be painful, but don't most people want others to like them and pay attention to them?

I have myself on invisible as well because I found it intrusive when someone was looking at what I was looking at. It just made me really uncomfortable. That constant desire to have people paying attention to you is also something I don't "get" but that was not your question. Do I think it's intrusive? When it was happening to me and I knew it, yes, I found it intrusive. There is a "solution" though in the invisibility thing for those of us who do find it an issue.

As others have said though, I think the work for you is understanding the need that you have to know what others are doing and whether they are paying attention to you.

[anilam]

I don't think it's intrusive to google your T. I know many will disagree.
However, it could be greatly damaging to the therapeutic RS and also I thought that the trouble for you was that it turned into an obsessive behaviour.

Originally Posted by rainbow8

What?? It's painful to want people to like me and pay attention to me?

The pain, I think, would be from eventually having to face the reality that you cannot always have people's attention when you want it.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Then why do a lot of people think it's intrusive to google a T or look them up on Facebook? Yes, I'm curious but I also see it as a "problem" for me. Not an intrusion, then, but a compulsion that's not so helpful.

Lots of people think lots of different things. No matter what the topic, there will be a ton of different viewpoints. You'd have to ask each one, "why"?

I'd say the question is better directed to yourself. Do YOU think it's intrusive?

For me, googling is not intrusive because anything on web is public. But, if you're feeling obsessive, it's not the googling that's the problem possibly but your own emotions that get stirred up.

As far as checking people here on PC at bottom of screen, I have never done it but I also do not think it is intrusive. A public forum is exactly that - public.

[Asiablue]

TBH i didn't even know you could do that... check who is looking at your post. I still don't know how to do that and i'm not interested enough to find out.

But i do think you checking it out has more to do with you trying to figure out your place and worth in the world. And you're not going to find that on an internet forum. And i think the fact you post this topic knowing that it is very possibly going to be inflammatory to some people and that you might get a severe backlash for doing it, is interesting. It's like any attention is good attention. I don't mean that in a hurtful way at all and i hope you don't take it that way, but i think it is something for you to question?

xx

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

What?? It may be painful, but don't most people want others to like them and pay attention to them?

Sure, everyone likes attention. I like attention, but not to the point where I spend time trying to figure out if people are reading my threads. I only want information and attention that people willingly give. If I have to push my way in, or try to sneak around behind the scenes to learn something that people aren't telling me .... well, that's the part that I'd imagine would be painful.

I am invisible because someone used to send me PM's every time I came on the board & become upset when I did not answer.

Sometimes the harder someone clutches onto people to try to get closer, the more those same actions push people away.