Does anyone else do this and is it intrusive?

rainbow8 · May 31, 2013 at 12:36 AM

I've wondered about something for a while but was afraid of being criticized. I am curious if others look on the bottom of the forum to see where others are reading or posting? Is that intrusive?

I don't always do it but often I click on the names to see who is reading my thread, or where others are reading. Is that like googling my T? I know it isn't as bad, and if someone is posting, of course we know about it, but it seems like it's snooping. Do others even look at the listing of names on the bottom to see who and how many are reading? I know it's inaccurate because not everyone logs in and some people, including myself, are "invisible", I think. But maybe it's not right to look where others are reading or posting.

May 31, 2013 at 12:42 AM

I sometimes do, but only to see if there is someone missing for a while then I'll PM to see if they are doing ok. If I don't see them on the forum or their name on the users list and they've had a bad time. then i will PM them. There is always invisible mode.
I don't see it as invasive for someone to check whos reading my threads etc.
People might see my activity as invasive but I like to make sure people are ok as many people disappear and their name turn up on the grief and loss forum, I think this very sad.

In short, no not being intrusive.

anilam · May 31, 2013 at 01:29 AM

No, somehow I'm not interested- could be that I don't have threads to check up on (I've started 2 since I joined)
anyway, I don't think it's intrusive- but hey I don't think googling your T is intrusive also

Asiablue · May 31, 2013 at 01:44 AM

I can see why people might find it intrusive but really if you are agreeing to membership and that is one of the functions then you have to accept some people will use that function. Personally i don't care who is looking at my posts or what other people are looking at.

sunrise · May 31, 2013 at 02:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Asiablue

but really if you are agreeing to membership and that is one of the functions then you have to accept some people will use that function.

You can control whether your name appears in the list at the bottom so that you can have that bit of privacy if you want, and I believe I have chosen that option for myself. I like that PC provides us with that choice.

anilam · May 31, 2013 at 02:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sunrise

You can control whether your name appears in the list at the bottom so that you can have that bit of privacy if you want, and I believe I have chosen that option for myself. I like that PC provides us with that choice.

Well then it's settled- ppl who mind can turn it off.

Willowleaf · May 31, 2013 at 02:47 AM

Don't think it matters as this is a public forum, but does it ever bother you if people read your thread and then don't post?

May 31, 2013 at 02:51 AM

Your have the intrusive police out in force with this thread :-0

LadyShadow · May 31, 2013 at 03:06 AM

I don't think its intrusive just curiosity. And like people said if you're uncomfortable being seen, then just go invisible. I don't mind being visible on this site, but when I'm on AOL I am always invisible because people I don't know send me messages. But that's a different kind of community. This community is very loving and caring so I don't mind that they know I'm online and can message me anytime they want

anilam · May 31, 2013 at 03:19 AM

A Q- if I leave the page on on my IPad and do stg else, does it still say I'm reading it?

Perna · May 31, 2013 at 03:23 AM

I don't think it's intrusive; no one knows what you are doing with your time, and for yourself, they are busy with themselves. I don't know how useful it is to you though, it seems kind of a self-soothing (or upsetting?) behavior where you don't really have any interaction with another, just yourself and not in any way that can really give you any input/help you?

feralkittymom · May 31, 2013 at 07:00 AM

I could care less if anyone checks what I'm reading. But my question would be: why do you care? It seems like a very obsessive way to spend one's time. What are you trying to distract yourself from with this activity?

tinyrabbit · May 31, 2013 at 08:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

I could care less if anyone checks what I'm reading. But my question would be: why do you care? It seems like a very obsessive way to spend one's time. What are you trying to distract yourself from with this activity?

And are you interested in what other people are doing, or who's paying attention to you? That would be an important question to answer, I think.

rainbow8 · May 31, 2013 at 09:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

I could care less if anyone checks what I'm reading. But my question would be: why do you care? It seems like a very obsessive way to spend one's time. What are you trying to distract yourself from with this activity?

I'm not trying to distract myself. That I know! It doesn't take long, just a minute or two. I agree it's an obsessive activity, though. I'm going to try not to do it for that reason.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

And are you interested in what other people are doing, or who's paying attention to you? That would be an important question to answer, I think.

Both, I think, but often it's to see who is paying attention to me. It makes more sense just to wait a few hours instead of checking, though. I'm also curious as to what threads others are reading or who I know is on, though many are invisible or don't sign in.

I mentioned googling my T because it seems to me the root is similar. I want to know. It's to gain some feeling of reassurance but it's not so helpful in the long run. Maybe I'll bring it up with my T.

I think curiosity is okay, but I take things to the next level where the line between normal and abnormal is fuzzy. I'm aware of that in me.

rainbow8 · May 31, 2013 at 09:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Perna

I don't think it's intrusive; no one knows what you are doing with your time, and for yourself, they are busy with themselves. I don't know how useful it is to you though, it seems kind of a self-soothing (or upsetting?) behavior where you don't really have any interaction with another, just yourself and not in any way that can really give you any input/help you?

Exactly, Perna. It's either self-soothing or upsetting to me, just like googling my T, though that is mostly upsetting so I don't do it anymore. It goes back to kids in school rejecting me, or maybe even earlier than that. I think it's a self-esteem issue. My compulsions seem to be about validation and recognition. I can observe myself doing it, but still do it.

ECHOES · May 31, 2013 at 09:39 AM

To me, you can't call something "intrusive" on a public forum. You are curious

rainbow8 · May 31, 2013 at 09:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ECHOES

To me, you can't call something "intrusive" on a public forum. You are curious

Then why do a lot of people think it's intrusive to google a T or look them up on Facebook? Yes, I'm curious but I also see it as a "problem" for me. Not an intrusion, then, but a compulsion that's not so helpful.

Curiosity is fine but I think mine often goes beyond that. I was just wondering if anyone else felt that way. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. I was just "curious" whether anyone else was as "curious" as I am!

pbutton · May 31, 2013 at 11:32 AM

It does seem like a really indirect way of finding out information. I might spend some time questioning why it is so important to you to have others pay attention to you. That sounds like a painful way to live.

rainbow8 · May 31, 2013 at 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pbutton

It does seem like a really indirect way of finding out information. I might spend some time questioning why it is so important to you to have others pay attention to you. That sounds like a painful way to live.

What?? It may be painful, but don't most people want others to like them and pay attention to them?

May 31, 2013 at 11:57 AM

I have myself on invisible as well because I found it intrusive when someone was looking at what I was looking at. It just made me really uncomfortable. That constant desire to have people paying attention to you is also something I don't "get" but that was not your question. Do I think it's intrusive? When it was happening to me and I knew it, yes, I found it intrusive. There is a "solution" though in the invisibility thing for those of us who do find it an issue.

As others have said though, I think the work for you is understanding the need that you have to know what others are doing and whether they are paying attention to you.

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anilam Grand Poohbah Member Since Mar 2011 Location: Middle of Nowhere Posts: 1,806 13 743 hugs given	May 31, 2013 at 01:29 AM #3 No, somehow I'm not interested- could be that I don't have threads to check up on (I've started 2 since I joined) anyway, I don't think it's intrusive- but hey I don't think googling your T is intrusive also
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Asiablue Grand Magnate Member Since Apr 2011 Location: in her own dark fairytale Posts: 3,086 13 435 hugs given	May 31, 2013 at 01:44 AM #4 I can see why people might find it intrusive but really if you are agreeing to membership and that is one of the functions then you have to accept some people will use that function. Personally i don't care who is looking at my posts or what other people are looking at. __________________ INFP Introvert(67%) iNtuitive(50%) iNtuitive Feeling(75%) Perceiving(44)%
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Willowleaf Veteran Member Member Since Apr 2012 Location: UK Posts: 502 12 153 hugs given	May 31, 2013 at 02:47 AM #7 Don't think it matters as this is a public forum, but does it ever bother you if people read your thread and then don't post?
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Anonymous37903 Guest Posts: n/a	May 31, 2013 at 02:51 AM #8 Your have the intrusive police out in force with this thread :-0
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anilam Grand Poohbah Member Since Mar 2011 Location: Middle of Nowhere Posts: 1,806 13 743 hugs given	May 31, 2013 at 03:19 AM #10 A Q- if I leave the page on on my IPad and do stg else, does it still say I'm reading it?
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feralkittymom Grand Magnate Member Since Aug 2012 Location: yada Posts: 4,415 11 1,974 hugs given	May 31, 2013 at 07:00 AM #12 I could care less if anyone checks what I'm reading. But my question would be: why do you care? It seems like a very obsessive way to spend one's time. What are you trying to distract yourself from with this activity?
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ECHOES Legendary Member Since Aug 2007 Location: West of Tampa Bay, East of the Gulf of Mexico Posts: 14,352 (SuperPoster!) 16 1,020 hugs given	May 31, 2013 at 09:39 AM #16 To me, you can't call something "intrusive" on a public forum. You are curious
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pbutton Oh noes! Member Since Jul 2011 Location: in a house Posts: 4,485 12 6,819 hugs given	May 31, 2013 at 11:32 AM #18 It does seem like a really indirect way of finding out information. I might spend some time questioning why it is so important to you to have others pay attention to you. That sounds like a painful way to live.
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