[21nee]

Even though I am young, I have a urge to help people. I have been helping people around the world since I was 10 and I am still wanting to help more. It makes me happy knowing that I helped someone somehow and I joined this website to help more. I need a couple more posts before I can chat with people but add me and when I do, send me a message about anything. You can say anything you would like to me. Don't be scared to tell me because I have heard everything and I will try my best to help you. Love you all and I know you are gorgeous with a loving heart

[CantExplain]

Hi 21nee!

It's great that you want to help people.
Do you need any help yourself?

[Anne2.0]

There are many possibilities in the helping profession, and my advice to you is to study and learn and get experience while being properly supervised by those who have greater experience helping.

A desire to help others is a wonderful thing. It doesn't matter what your age is. But it's important to understand that sometimes helping has negative consequences for people, and sometimes it's the helper who goes awry, not the person needing help. Volunteer in your community with a nonprofit organization to increase your knowledge about helping.

Originally Posted by 21nee

Even though I am young, I have a urge to help people. I have been helping people around the world since I was 10 and I am still wanting to help more. It makes me happy knowing that I helped someone somehow and I joined this website to help more. I need a couple more posts before I can chat with people but add me and when I do, send me a message about anything. You can say anything you would like to me. Don't be scared to tell me because I have heard everything and I will try my best to help you. Love you all and I know you are gorgeous with a loving heart

I think you may want to calm it down a bit. Just a tad ott.

[pachyderm]

This may be totally off, but I know that at one time I needed to "help" people -- I think it was an unconscious way to "save" the world (so that I would be safe in it). As I say, this may not be related to the way you feel, but I also think it is good to be a bit skeptical and examine oneself.

[catsrhelm]

Have you thought about going into a helping profession?

[peaches100]

Welcome!

[granite1]

hi .it is nice to see someone whith such a desire to help. how are you

[moonlitsky]

Sometimes when we have such a powerful drive to help (rescue?) others it is a sure sign that we need help for ourselves - and the only way we know how to get that is to give what we need so badly to others, sometimes others who don't actually need our help. We project our pain and struggles onto others and then try to rescue ourselves in them. It's something that we learn as little ones in powerfully co dependent families, the only way we can get our own needs met. I wonder what the pay off for you is in needing so badly to 'help' others? How do you see yourself being able to help here?

I may be way out but something doesn't feel right about your drive to help and I feel wary after reading it. Perhaps it might be worth exploring with a therapist what this drive in you is about, and getting your own help too - you will then be in a better place to really help others.

I have also read all your previous messages and am worried that you seem to want to isolate yourself with those who are vulnerable by encouraging them into private messaging with you - as if you are infallible and know it all - you aren't and you don't - that rings alarm bells to me, especially on behalf of the vulnerable people who you could hurt. Best leave support on the forums out in the open where it can be a collective kind of support.

Moon

[anilam]

You may be 100% legit (TBH stg in your posts raises red flags in me) but still... You ARE a child, with honorable intention true, but still a child. You shouldnt be helping ppl suffering from severe depression, suicidal...
Want to help? Go and volunteer for an hour or two a week. Gee kid, hang out with your friends more.

You are only 14 years old and an on-line psych forum of mostly adults is probably not the best activity at your age. Consider volunteering at school. Often there are groups that work to support other students. My son volunteers in a group to help severely handicapped students. My other son is in a group that works to educate students about bullying others and works to create programs of support and intervention for students in his school. Find an age-appropriate outlet for helping others. You haven't "heard everything" as much as you think you have, and you might be exposed to some things here that really aren't fully appropriate for a young teen.

[21nee]

Yes I always need help myself. I need hope it continue and support.

[21nee]

Originally Posted by moonlitsky

Sometimes when we have such a powerful drive to help (rescue?) others it is a sure sign that we need help for ourselves - and the only way we know how to get that is to give what we need so badly to others, sometimes others who don't actually need our help. We project our pain and struggles onto others and then try to rescue ourselves in them. It's something that we learn as little ones in powerfully co dependent families, the only way we can get our own needs met. I wonder what the pay off for you is in needing so badly to 'help' others? How do you see yourself being able to help here?

I may be way out but something doesn't feel right about your drive to help and I feel wary after reading it. Perhaps it might be worth exploring with a therapist what this drive in you is about, and getting your own help too - you will then be in a better place to really help others.

I have also read all your previous messages and am worried that you seem to want to isolate yourself with those who are vulnerable by encouraging them into private messaging with you - as if you are infallible and know it all - you aren't and you don't - that rings alarm bells to me, especially on behalf of the vulnerable people who you could hurt. Best leave support on the forums out in the open where it can be a collective kind of support.

Moon

I have a drive to want to help people because I have heard people die and nobody was there for me when I needed help. I just don't want people feeling the same way I did and result to self harm. I'm sorry, No I do not know everything but I know how to care for someone.

[Jungatheart]

Hi 21nee,
First, let me encourage you to follow your dreams. Often our personal experiences give us passion and drive. And yes, you obviously know how to care as illustrated through your words. The world certainly needs more care.

I would also say that 1914Sierra/Chris had some great ideas, as well as others. I saw that there are the social groups: "teens with problems" and "teenage town" - those would be a great place to channel your passions. I'd advise against having private intimate online conversations with strange adults.

Compassion is a good trait to have, and remember to take care of yourself as well.
Keep exploring and learning!

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by 21nee

I have a drive to want to help people because I have heard people die and nobody was there for me when I needed help. I just don't want people feeling the same way I did and result to self harm. I'm sorry, No I do not know everything but I know how to care for someone.

No doubt you do care *about* people and this is a wonderful trait to have! But it's very different from caring *for* people, that's an enormous responsibility, and one which carries a lot of risks; having someone's vulnerability (much less life) in your hands is not something to be taken lightly.

When I was your age, I volunteered at a hospital (actually, these days I'd probably be too young). Nonetheless, considering my age at the time and my lack of skills and maturity, I only delivered flowers and mail, and did some patient transport in wheelchairs. It really wouldn't have been safe for the hospital to let me take on any more responsibility than that --I wasn't ready for it or able, no one at that age is! *But* I wanted to help and did and it felt good. I learned a lot too, learned a great deal.

I agree with others who suggest doing volunteer work in your community. You'll be able to help people and have the supervision (and be able to learn so much from) those you are working for. I think volunteering like this out in the open would be so beneficial, would be for many people your age, and you clearly want to help, so I'd look into all of the wonderful opportunities out there!

[21nee]

Thank you for the gentle reply. My parents are always busy and I can never go anywhere because of it and I am to you for anything right now. Ill find something to do around my school though and thank you for telling me without saying anything rude. (:

[nessaea]

@21nee - Oh, you sound just like me when I was your age!! I had such a strong desire to help people; I was in every single mentoring/volunteering group at school, I ran a youth group at my church, I volunteered at libraries and hospitals and pretty much helped anybody I could find. I loved what I did, and I felt like I was making a difference. So, I first want to say, Good for you! I think it's awesome that you have that drive to help people, and I think you should really explore ways you can pursue that in your school, community, and eventually as a career.

Secondly, I do want to offer a word of caution - as "caretakers" it is very easy for us to get burnt out, and it often happens so fast that you don't notice it until it is too late. Something we really have to learn is how to set boundaries so we can take care of ourselves, and how to know when something is too much. You are young, and that is wonderful, but it also means you haven't had a lot of experience in dealing with this stuff, and learning how to say no when you need. I think it might be a good idea, if you do want to keep helping people online, to try to find an adult that you can talk to about this, so they can help you and keep an eye on you. Do you have anyone in your life who can do that for you?

Lastly, I want to mention something that a couple other people have said as well; sometimes a strong need to help others becomes almost pathological when we are unconsciously doing it in an attempt to run away from our own problems. I know that, even now, I can tell when I'm getting to a really bad place when I spend all my time trying to help other people, and I can't stop. So, I think it might be a good idea, if possible, to talk to a therapist or guidance counsellor about it. Again, I don't think it's a bad thing, and I think you should keep doing it if it makes you happy, but I also think you might want to explore the possibility that it might also be partly a defense mechanism to avoid dealing with stuff going on in your own life.

Anyway, I think you are doing a great job, keep doing what makes you happy, but please think about what I (and others on here) have said.

Hugs and best of luck to you!

Ness

[Jungatheart]

I have been thinking about you and I just want to stress that any adult that turns to a teen for help is not to be trusted. Not because of anything to do with you....just, well, ever seen those Dateline episodes? You are obviously wise and have lots to offer the world, but it's just not appropriate from the adult side. Please be weary. You can Private Message me if anything like that happens.

[21nee]

I will. I don't talk to anyone that much older and if they contact me, I look through there posts and stories first to see if they really need help or they are using me. Thank to ufor the concern(:

[21nee]

Thank you I do talk to a priest that I trust about it and some of my close friends.

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by 21nee

I will. I don't talk to anyone that much older and if they contact me, I look through there posts and stories first to see if they really need help or they are using me. Thank to ufor the concern(:

If someone really needs help, I think allowing the conversations to stay on the public forum, giving some encouraging words, and offering information/links on professional resources is a great way to be helpful and supportive (telephone hotlines, websites, government or non-profit organizations that provide free therapy, etc). Offering a public post that lets the OP know that their post is being read and that you care about their situation is wonderful. Your desire to help is a good quality to have. I think you could do a wonderful job in one of the helping professions when you have undergone training, education, and supervision. You sound like you have a bright future ahead of you. In the meantime, I think it's important not to become too involved in "helping" someone with serious challenges like sui thoughts, si, ed, personality disorders, etc when you have not undergone any training to do so. Even when we have the best of intentions and just want to show that we care, if we aren't properly trained, we can unknowingly do a lot of harm. I think what's great about PC is that it is a collaborative, peer support system. There aren't one group of "helpers" and one group of people who get helped. We're all peers. We all support one another, and we all get supported by one another. By posting and getting a wide variety of responses, we can get different perspectives, take what might be helpful, and leave behind what is not. It's that variety of perspectives that I really appreciate. I think that helps to prevent the kind of co-dependent relationships that might evolve if we were relying on one person for caring and support. It also prevents us from taking any one person's opinion too seriously, and perhaps using it in place of the opinion of a qualified professional. The other great thing about this forum is that virtually all of us are or have been in therapy, so we have professional support and can use this forum to reinforce the work we are doing with our therapists (and not use the forum to replace professional guidance). Since most of us are not trained as therapists, we have the ability to help to some extent, but we also recognize our own limitations and know when to say "you should really talk to your T about that" or "if you don't feel safe right now, maybe you should go inpatient." Sometimes the best way to help others is to know when you're in over your head and help someone get the courage to seek out a professional who can take it from there.