DBT T is leaving and that triggers me

I put the trigger icon on because lately it seems that Ts are leaving or terminating some posters and many are having a hard time right now. It's a difficult topic to think about.

My DBT T told us that she is leaving in 4 weeks and we're getting someone else. She said it's hard on her because our group is unusually motivated and she feels close to us. She wanted reactions. There are only 3 of us who have been in the group for over 6 months.

I feel a little sad because I like the T leader and feel like I could talk to her if I need to. I don't like changes. She knows my history and someone new won't. I only have a few months left in the second cycle and then I'll stop, but still, I wish we could keep the same leader.

What is triggering me about the situation is my thinking "what if it were my T who said that she was leaving in 4 weeks?" I'd be devastated! It's not the same with my DBT T even though we have a small group. I am curious about that. I'm attached to my T so I didn't need to have that feeling for DBT T. Or maybe because it's a group, not really therapy. I will miss the group, the people in it, when it ends.

I don't know. Another group member seemed a lot more upset than I am. It's weird. I guess I can't "love" more than 1 T at a time. I just worry how I'd cope if it were my T, not my DBT T.

Gee, it's one of those things I manage to repress...

I think we attach to anyone we work or are with for any period of time. We are in the same situation, working together on some project (of our own or of a group nature).

Attachment is a natural bond, not just for parent/child or whatever other "problem" we are working on but all animals attach/imprint/whatever. Mothers attach to babies with the help of oxytocin, partners attach with sex hormones, etc.

There has to be a bond of some sort, a "cable" to get the electrons going both ways, your printer is an attachment to your computer (wireless nowadays :-) a conversation is an attachment, it's learning and interacting. The strength of any attachment is merely our history, background, inclination, experience, nature/nuture, etc.

We invest in those we are attached to and change means we have to withdraw that attachment and reinvest in the next. How strong we've made the attachment, how much glue we've decided to use on our side, and how well we have learned to handle changes, those things go into how well we navigate life.

Thanks, Perna. I don't think I've learned to handle changes too well. What I find curious is that I attach to one person at a time, or maybe it depends on the person. I could have attached to my DBT T in a stronger way but I didn't, because I "have" my T for that.

Interesting you mention oxytocin. I've read in the past about love addicts and abandaholics. I think I fit that pattern. It's a spin on my transference issues. I've talked with my T, and I emailed her that I'm thinking about it again. I have a need to "be in love", and always have been. If I had married someone else, I'd probably still have that need. I don't act on it, but I attach to someone to get those feelings. Maybe it's a need for that oxytocin, or lack of it? I think I read that somewhere. Not all of my T's satisfy that wanting to be in love. It depends on the person. It's really a want, not a need. It's an excitement/love feeling that I like. I'm trying to get it met in other ways, by art, writing, enjoying nature, mindfulness, etc.