[RaKku]

Hi all,

So I recently posted about my rough times with my T. I pretty much went to another T for second opinions and also suggested that I leave therapy altogether. However, a couple of weeks have passed since then and I thought of continuing therapy with my T again. However, in the past few sessions, my T has stressed (again and again) that she doesn't know how much more she can do for me. I am really shocked/confused right now because we always have gone through this rough patch where I would have doubts about my T but then we would work things out (at least that's what I thought). It seems to me though that maybe my T has had enough.

Yesterdays session I was actually the one that was trying to stay but my T just kept on reiterating about she doesn't know what she can do for me and that I keep on repeating the cycle. She even suggested I can maybe look for other Ts, and at that point she said all the things she was saying, I said these things to her before. At this point, I got even more confused and thought it was going to be my last session with her. I was a sobbing mess in the end, thinking, "wow, this is how it is going to end with her", and then she suddenly says, "I will see you on Monday." What?!

The thing that gets to me is in the past when I threatened to leave, she said if I did that and went to another T, I would run into trust issues regardless of who it was. Instead of running, I can work things out with her. Now though, she is telling me to go to another T because she doesn't think she can do anything for me. When I resisted in going to another T, she said it was because I was afraid, that's why I don't want to go to another T

So now I am thinking, when I want to go to another T, she said I would run into the same trust issues. But now, she is telling me to go to another T because she can't help me anymore.

Is it time for me to just move on? I feel like maybe she wants to see me again because I was a complete wreck yesterday and gave me a pity appointment.

[jkbob]

Print this post and take it with you. Talk to her. You may be misreading what she is saying or she may be misunderstanding you. Even if that is not the case, you obviously need clarity.

[Raging Quiet]

I agree with jkbob.

Take care of yourself

[tinyrabbit]

Me too - I think she's sending out some confusing messages and it would be good to have a chat.

I hope it goes as well as can be.

Oh dear,
Sounds like your t is confused, it is no wonder you too are confused with her mixed signals. To me its sounds like she wants to help you but is unsure if she is actually able to help you and is suggesting (nicely) that you do have the right to see another t if things are not working with her. Also it would be remiss of her as your therapist not to let you know you have this option and that if you and her haven't been able to work through your trust issues together, it is likely you will run into the same issues with your new t and repeat the cycle with new t.

[RaKku]

Thanks for the responses.

So I decided to end therapy with my T

I sent her an email last night telling her my decision. I focused mostly on all the great things we went through and how much I grew with her help. I ended it saying I would never forget her and never forget all the great things she did for me.

It just felt so bitter sweet though writing the email. It must have taken me almost a half hour to write 5 paragraphs and broke down crying so many times. On one hand I really wanted to be there in person and tell her all this, but on another I knew I would have been a complete wreck if I went to her on Monday. I would have just suffered too much if I had to go back.

When I woke up today, I felt a little adrenaline rush knowing that I am on my own now. But as quick as that great feeling was, I suddenly felt sadness and an aching in my heart. It felt like a part of my heart used to be filled with my T's presence, but now it is gone and vacant.

I'm still processing all the things I have gone through these past 3 years: if going to therapy, seeing my T, reading up on psychology books, and taking medications was all worth it. The pros are great, but the cons are...man, so heartbreaking.