T breathed in.

I was telling T how I feel because of my experiences as a child, that holding a knife to someone's throat is the ultimate loving act.
She breathed in when I said that. As if that was such a sad thing to say. I got a feeling of warmth when she did that. Ive learnt from her that feeling too. There's been really sad things I've witnessed and have done that too. Never had any experience of that feeling before T. No one had ever been sad for me as a child.
T has out the human in me

Wow. I thought that sounded familiar.... http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...ts-normal.html

Aha! You found it. Good.

I must be dehydrated! Ie to not pick up on that. But see, I liked your posts under your old name and I like them now too. You can run but you can't hide

I was mouse before I was earth mamma. I felt like being mouse again

We both laughed toward the end though. I told T i suddenly had a vision of my mother lying dead in a coffin at her funeral & I ask the vicor/priest if I can say one last goodbye to her, he with a gentleness says 'of course' and I suddenly pull out a knife hold it to her throat and say 'goodbye mum I love you'. T's head went back with a silent laugh, I added of course I'd turn to the people in the pews saying 'its ok folks, this us how we showed our love'.
T did add that the only way my mother could accept my love was in the form of attack. That my wanting to cuddle her felt more like a knife attack to her because of her past.
Oh well. Hidehi

That's true. My last two ts have said that my mother can only love via pain - and it was so disgusting to me, I couldn't even talk about it.

I had a recurring dream where I cut my mother's head off with a bread knife.

That was a fairly lucid dream. I knew what I was doing.

I remember being about 3 telling mother that I'd dreamt she was a witch. Lets just say I learnt that day that my mothers ego was unable to tolerate any negativity about herself.