T's reaction....

During my last session I was tell ling my T how one of my nephews was tragically gunned down on New Years Day. I told her it was the first homicide in that particular county here in Fla. After I told her about it, my T looked uneasy, sad, I thought that she might even cry. I, on the other hand did not display any emotion. But when I saw T's reaction I told her that I did not want to talk about it anymore. So strange that I can talk about something so horrible, not even get a little misty eyed....yet T was able to. I thought about it afterwards and was wondering if I triggered something in her....maybe she lost someone tragically....I surely hope not. Having said this, I cried at his service.
I hope this thread isn't upsetting to anyone on here... I am just trying to understand T's reaction.

This blogger on Psych today may be of interest. I think he is a condescending jerk, but he is somewhat popular and I think the topic may be useful here:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...herapist-cries

My T says sometimes she has the reactions I cannot yet have. So when I don't get all tearful, she will, to show me this is how it should have been. Death is one of those things no one can tell you how it "should" be. Either was really touched and sad, or trying to have that for you? IDK

Is it something you think you could ask your T about to see if you can understand what happened better?

I've often wondered in the past about triggering T's and have been told it's their job to take care of their response (including sharing with their own therapists); but if it's impacting you it might be worth discussing

Thanks, Stop dog.....interesting article. I'm still trying to figure out if me bringing up my nephews untimely tragic death triggered something in my T or if she just felt sad about it. Guess I will have to ask her.

I think that when a T cries or tears up it needn't mean they have been triggered. Maybe sometimes, but most times I suspect it is an expression of empathy and a sign that they are connected to the client. When I began therapy, I was very reserved and shy about crying. In fact, I had a phobia about people seeing me cry! Plus, I cry easily. What an uncomfortable combination. T helped me see that there need not be shame in crying, and who cares what other people think about my sadness, and that crying is really not a bad thing, which I guess I thought it was because I was so ashamed someone might see my tears. Sadness and crying are very natural, and crying is an expected response to feeling sad. My T is one of those who has teared up multiple times in our sessions. That has helped model for me that it is OK to cry in front of someone. I work in a hospital and there are times I have teared up with patients. I definitely was not triggered, just showing empathy. It's not really controllable on my part. I think therapy helped me be able to do this and not run from my feelings. I can envision myself in the past probably pulling back from the patient if I felt sad and breaking our connection, walking off with some excuse or other, leaving the patient feeling alone, rejected, abandoned, whatever... If the patient feels uneasy about a provider's tears, maybe they can grow more accustomed to tears and sadness if present with someone who allows those feelings. I have not had bad reactions from patients. Sometimes it helps them begin to release their own sadness. Tigergirl, I do agree with what you wrote about how it is the T's role to take care of their sadness. So clients need not feel they must take care of the therapist with tears in her eyes, feel bad, think they have triggered shameful behavior, etc.

I guess I'd be curious enough to have to discuss it, maybe weeks/months down the road and see if I could get a better idea of what happened; if she had an eye problem, if it was just an odd reflection of the light from where you were sitting or if she had lost a loved one or knew of someone like your nephew or what. For all you know, she might have been working with your nephew :-)

Sometimes I think the rules of crisis apply when we are talking to our T and we can be all "official" and give the facts/details as removed from us, as if we were talking about a news article we'd read that morning, but then, when confronted with the time/place it's okay to be upset, then we are freer to do that. That's kind of what wakes and funerals are for?

I get it...but still, feels weird to talk about my nephew dying so tragically, so young and to be emotionless all the while.

I would not like it if my T ever cried or showed emotion.