[Lily5473]

I always knew I disassociated but only since starting therapy did I realize how much I actually do it.

I've only had a few sessions of therapy and I'm crazy about my T. I've told her about me disassociating and she asked me to tell her when it happens. I agreed. I've been doing it a lot in therapy, but I haven't gotten around to telling her. A couple of sessions ago my vision started to get foggy and I wanted to tell her that I was disassociating but as soon as I thought about saying it my heart started to beat so hard and fast and it almost felt like I was gonna go into a panic attack (something which I am very afraid of). So I stayed quiet and tried my best to stay in the room and not 'switch off'. When I disassociate I am pretty functional, I'm just not very responsive. I don't know if my T can tell that it is happening. I want to tell her that it is happening but what's stopping me is the intense feeling of panic when I'm just about to tell her.

Has anyone ever experienced anything like this? How did you deal with it?

[Raging Quiet]

Hi Lily,

Usually T's are trained to recognise disassociation. I hope you can speak to T next time about what you experienced; it sounded a really tough time for you.

[ShaggyChic_1201]

Lily,
Hi and welcome to PC!

I'd be very surprised if your T didn't know when you were dissociating even if you didn't mention it...they all seem to have that spidey sense that let's them know when something's up.

But regardless...can we analyze your fear? Is it the fear of the words or fear of letting someone into your private world? Obviously you were triggered and distressed by something that happened in T, or you wouldn't be dissociating. So I could completely understand why you wouldn't want to let T know that you were checking out. But I can also relate to not wanting to put words to it at the time it was happening...for me, it's a control issue. Tho I've been dissociating so long it almost occurs without conscious knowledge, on the occasions when I know what's going on, I'm usually angry with the person for "making me feel that way" (yes, I know that no one can make me feel a certain way, only I can do that) and so the last thing I want to do is tell them I feel vulnerable.

OK, wow. Sorry. I've made this all about me.

Maybe you and T can work out a signal or code word? If you said "purple monkeys" for example, she'd know you were getting distressed and could help ground you.

Keep posting and again, welcome!
Bub

[tinyrabbit]

I haven't had much experience of this but I think it would help to describe the signs to your T so she can start to recognise it and ask if that's what's happening. Also could you maybe try to use some kind of hand signal?

[murray]

I was also going to suggest a signal of some sort. The marriage T that I saw for a while said that it was very hard to tell when I was dissociating so she asked me to make sure I gave her a signal so she could tell and help me. I would simply raise my hand up when I started to disappear.

[GenCat]

I am constantly going into my own world in therapy. I don't know if my T knows when I do it or not, but sometimes I will just blankly stare at the wall behind her and she will ask me where I am at. Maybe that question is asked because she knows. I don't know.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Yes, I dissociate during sessions (and outside of them too). It's happening less often as my anxiety gets under better control.

My T is very good at spotting when I'm not all there, but I also hide it really well, so it's taken her a while to figure it out with me. It's very difficult to tell T when it's happening, but when I can tell her, it's always a good thing. When I tell T that I'm dissociating, she helps me get grounded and keeps checking to make sure that I stay present.

Perhaps you could talk to your T about what you can say or do to let her know that you're dissociating, prior to it actually happening. Then, if you have a plan in place, it will be easier to let T know what's going on.

[Miswimmy1]

I tend to shut down in therapy, when things get hard. And my t always says, "where did u go?", or "what are u thinking?" One time, when I shut down completely, I apologized at the next session and told her that I had shut down and she just said, "I know u did." She obviously can tell when I dissociate, even if she doesn't make a big deal out of it. I didn't know that she knew until that day. So... I suggest asking your t if she notices. Because I bet she sees more than u think then that can get the conversation going