[ThisWayOut]

how do you go about addressing a perceived rift in the therapeutic relationship? I go back and forth wanting to talk to him about it, but then I get scared/frustrated/anxious and I suddenly don't want to address it at all. Then I want to talk to him about it in the moment, but he is not available. It's a very push/pull thing with me. I don't like confrontation, and I feel like the rift is huge. But I don't want to just give up on therapy because of that (I don't really have anyone I can switch to seeing because not many places offer such a low sliding-scale fee). He is the only one in that office that has the reduced fee. I also really feel like I should try with him because he has worked hard to help keep me together... I know I don't communicate effectively. I know I need to learn that... but how do you overcome something that feels like such a huge and on-going issue? I really feel a lot of the time like he just doesn't understand me or what I am trying to communicate. And I don't know how to get past feeling so often misinterpreted.

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by MdngtRain

how do you go about addressing a perceived rift in the therapeutic relationship? I go back and forth wanting to talk to him about it, but then I get scared/frustrated/anxious and I suddenly don't want to address it at all. Then I want to talk to him about it in the moment, but he is not available. It's a very push/pull thing with me. I don't like confrontation, and I feel like the rift is huge. But I don't want to just give up on therapy because of that (I don't really have anyone I can switch to seeing because not many places offer such a low sliding-scale fee). He is the only one in that office that has the reduced fee. I also really feel like I should try with him because he has worked hard to help keep me together... I know I don't communicate effectively. I know I need to learn that... but how do you overcome something that feels like such a huge and on-going issue? I really feel a lot of the time like he just doesn't understand me or what I am trying to communicate. And I don't know how to get past feeling so often misinterpreted.

I'd just tell him what you wrote.....that you feel like you guys really aren't on the same page. I find that if you're worried about a confrontation of sorts, give the therapist a way out so that it feels less demanding or confrontational or too much like blaming.

Ex. "I feel like we're often on two different pages and I was wondering if there was maybe something I could do to explain myself better?"

a. You're telling him that you don't feel like he understands what you're saying.
b. You're not blaming him saying it's his fault so it leaves room for you two to work together to figure it out.

It comes across a lot differently than "I don't think you understand me and I want to know what you're doing to do about it."

Does that make sense?

[Perna]

Originally Posted by MdngtRain

how do you go about addressing a perceived rift in the therapeutic relationship?

Yes, just get "technical" and say something like, "Hey, I have a problem with the relationship I'd like to discuss". There's nothing "acrimonious" about having a problem you want to share and work on together with someone.

You are the one with the perception/problem; he would bring, is responsible for bringing, his problems with the relationship up if he felt there was one.

[tinyrabbit]

I always worry about this, but end up feeling glad I talked about it.

I have said it before, but addressing feeling misunderstood and angry about the way therapy was going was the best, most productive thing I have EVER done in therapy. My 'T's response of warmth and acceptance and gentle humor was enormously healing and a huge step forward in realizing that things did not always have to BE the way things had always BEEN.

[Raging Quiet]

I'm in the same boat as you MdngtRain and have had great trouble bringing it up in sessions. In the end, I wrote my T a long letter explaining how I felt about our relationship and asked for a break. I am seeing her next on Wednesday to see if we can discuss this or if it's better I just terminate.

[CantExplain]

I used to fight, then quit, then come back three months later.

[ThisWayOut]

I wrote most of it out inman email, and will be seeing him later in today. I'm not sure if I want to talk about that or the 50 million other things that have come up this week. Ugh! I hate feeling this way about therapy. It's only happened once before with a therapist I didn't click with. Why is this suddenly such a hard relationship when everything else is also difficult? Can I just get a break in one of the arenas of life?