[Leah123]

I can't stand myself today, or my therapist. I've had a very challenging few weeks, doing trauma work that's breaking my heart and crushing my spirit, dealing with my worst enemy, and was just in a hit and run car accident Saturday. I'm having sleep trouble, so short on sleep, and I have ptsd, which pretty much sucks lately!!!!

I've been relying on my therapist a lot, it's been 5 months now, very intensive. Today, after I spent like $300 w/her yesterday she charged me a lot for an email session that she never really responded to, $50 for reading what I wrote and like... 3 sentences, in addition to the session where I paid her to discuss the content, it's like double billing it seems like.

Suddenly, I feel FURIOUS. She's nickeling and diming me, so I can tell she doesn't care about me. It's so wrong, I feel like, it's very fake, suddenly, our relationship. She tells me she cares about me when I ask, but I'm sure she just wants my business. I'm her only regular client right now.

I'm so upset. I've told her every awful thing about me, and I can't stand it right now. I'm feeling completely miserable, and.... I feel like... I've been taken... like I'm the john, seeing the hooker who says she loves him, lying for the money.

I want to quit therapy now. I'm so done with it! I sent her an email, cancelling our next session.

[CantExplain]

((Leah))

I can relate to this. Can you tell your T she's ripping you off? Or do you feel, as I sometimes have, that it's not worth paying $300 to tell her she's not worth paying for?

(Incidentally, your T sounds pretty expensive. $300 a session is more than most of us are paying, I think.)

Hating you T is not necessarily a reason to quit. Hate can be very productive, in my personal experience.

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

((Leah))

I can relate to this. Can you tell your T she's ripping you off? Or do you feel, as I sometimes have, that it's not worth paying $300 to tell her she's not worth paying for?

(Incidentally, your T sounds pretty expensive. $300 a session is more than most of us are paying, I think.)

Hating you T is not necessarily a reason to quit. Hate can be very productive, in my personal experience.

I didn't pay $300 for one session, we had 2 sessions and I paid another $50 for another email yesterday. I was in a crisis, suicidal. I just can't believe she'd like... just nickel and dime me like that. I'm tired of asking her if she cares for me and not trusting her answer. I don't think it was fair for her to charge me like that, for so little in way of reply, she had to read a long email, but... I call it a session if she *answers* the email- her only answer was that she was sorry I was having a hard time and we'd talk about it in session, but that I was doing good. !!!! I'm so mad. My whole life feels out of control right now, and I'm just.... completely exhausted and upset. I can't bear to argue it with her, she'll just defend herself and I can't deal with it. I don't know what to do. I can't stop crying about it.

And thank you for replying!!

We're the fees explained to you when you started with your T? If not, it might be important have this discussion with the T.

[Leah123]

The fees were clear, except that I thought paying for an email session meant *getting* a therapeutic reply, and I don't think she offered much in that email, and that I paid to discuss it in session, and it wasn't fair to charge me $50 for it. I'm such a good customer, I feel she was overzealous to bill on that one.

[butterfly star]

I agree w you that is insensitive to charge you for a time when you were in crisis and just emailed her. I just started therapy and have always hesitated because the "fake friend" thing is hard to swallow. Then to get a bill ??

Did the fee schedule stipulate anything about the type of reply you would receive? Generally they don't. Some T's and other professionals do charge for outside contact, no matter what it is. We may not like it, but if the fees are presented to us up front, they are what they are. I've not run into this with a therapist although I know others have, but it is common in medical fields.

[Leah123]

I see what you mean Chris... I just feel that between regular customers and providers, it's disrespectful to nickel and dime, especially for her not to do anything therapeutic in the email itself, really. Sigh. I'm just having a hard time. I couldn't handle one more thing.

I get that. I still think you should at least voice your concerns to your T about this. Otherwise it is just going to stay the proverbial sticker under the saddle and constantly nag at you.

[Leah123]

I don't think I can bear to say anything to her. I... am struggling hard in my life right now. I can not manage one more thing going wrong. I don't want to be on this planet right now. I don't think I can bear the heartbreak when she tells me she was justified in charging that one last fee, that I hadn't authorized.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Leah123

I thought paying for an email session meant *getting* a therapeutic reply.

This is a reasonable assumption and worth raising with her.

[Leah123]

Well, I'm proud of myself, and hope I did not make a mistake. I sent this letter, just now, to my therapist:

We have a different idea of doing business, and I can't really respect yours at the moment, so I'm considering if I need to end our relationship.

I'm not pleased about being billed $50 for that last email, instead of at least the standard fee. I consider a session to have two parts, my concern, your thoughtful, therapeutic reply. In that email, seems to me you were just charging to read. You're entitled to do it. But I feel nickeled and dimed at the moment, and it makes me question everything else.

I already know you disagree with me. I have no hope of resolving this, but I do stupid things all the time regardless of feeling hopeless. I can't agree to disagree. If nothing else, if it doesn't work out, at least you'll know why you lost me as a client.

That's what I sent her. I'm in a bad place right now. I don't know what's right and wrong in this moment... I'm just doing my best.

[Leah123]

Thank you CantExplain. Will you please wish me luck. I pretty much love my therapist and rely on her.... she's like my lifeline right now, and I don't know how to deal if this doesn't work out. I'm probably being over-emotional about it because of the other struggles I'm having right now, but.... I just can't deal.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Leah123

Well, I'm proud of myself, and hope I did not make a mistake. I sent this letter, just now, to my therapist...

Good work! I hope you get a decent response.

And good luck for the future, with or without your T!

Good for you. You have advocated for yourself and raised a reasonable concern. Let us know how it turns out.

[mixedup_emotions]

I'm glad you decided to confront this issue head-on. I hope it works out for you!

[Leah123]

Well, my therapist replied, and I think her reply was good enough for me to find peace with, what do you all think? She wrote:

"Hi XXXXX, I just looked back over the e-mail thread in dispute and I am okay with charging you the standard fee on that one. I have not felt well this afternoon and not thinking at my best. I was tired and irritated with getting the e-mail reminders when I billed you; the $50 charge was automatic and not thoughtful. I will just credit your next e-mail session for the $15.00 if that is okay with you. I am available now for chat if it is something you need to discuss further, XXXXX"

I wrote her back a reply about why it bothered me, and asked her, in lieu of giving me a credit, to reply to that, and we'd call it even. I'm kinda mad, but... I hope it'll work out. I know that my stress level is super-high right now and I'm desperately tired, and that maybe this will seem like less of an issue if I get a few nights of good sleep. What do you all think?

[CantExplain]

That's encouraging.

Sounds like a very reasonable response. Isn't communicating easier than stewing about something till you make yourself crazy?. Sounds like your T is having a difficult day herself. They are human (as much as we would prefer them to be faultless.)

[Leah123]

Yes, I was SO happy to hear she was having a rough day. Ok, that sounds wrong, lol, but.... yes, I was happy to know she considered it careless, to bill so much.

I normally try not to stew, but... I'm having a hellish couple weeks and my ability to cope is nearly gone. I'm hoping I can sleep the next couple nights and recover. I have PTSD and with my routine changes and all the stressors, it's very hard for me.

[Freewilled]

Wow - that seemed like a really nice, thoughtful response from your T Im proud of you for letting her know how you felt! I'm not sure i could've done the same...