This Is Getting To Be Too Much

Last Monday I had my first appt with a therapist. Granted I can't say that I am in love with her (i've only met her once duh, but we've exchanged ~9 emails and a phone call in the time I found her and now). I obsessed over that first therapy session to the point of having a panic attack (which I don't do often, but she and the nurses I work with confirmed thats likely what it was).

Now that i've had my first appt. I can't stop thinking about the first session, this next upcoming session, etc. Now, granted a lot has happened in the past few days relevant to what she plans to start with next session (supposed to start with mommy issues and guess what - "mommy" just added me on facebook the day before yesterday after not having spoken in 2+ years). So I really do have a lot to tell her, but I really don't want to go in there with 'diarrhea of the mouth' and become one of those annoying patients always with a story or some drama.

She's thinks that the obsessiveness in the beginning was a defense mechanism. Either way, it seems that Monday is forever away and I just want to stop thinking about therapy. Honestly, it's all i've thought about since i've left. Its driving me insane. And it's getting to the point that I don't even want to bring up any of this week in my next appointment because I just feel like its way too much.

I don't really know what the question is - this is all just becoming too much in such a short/fast time... Maybe therapy isn't for me, or maybe we should do like longer time span in between because I really don't need to develop another dependent relationship...

How long, in between sessions?

Sounds like weekly, which is common.

Starting therapy, can be overwhelming, at first. You sound like you are tapping into things that can be discussed.

Hang in there

Its a week in between sessions, and i've already got them scheduled through August. I don't like this "obsessiveness" though...

Oh, I hear your fear, Bumblebee. Hang in there! It can be an overwhelming thing, starting therapy, and it's perfectly normal to be anxious about it.

Without knowing what kind of therapy your T leans toward, it's hard to give you specifics of what you can expect. Sounds like the subject of Mom is a big one (like it is for so many of us!), and starting off with that subject may feel pretty scary to you.

Your T will have your best interests in mind. If you feel like it's too much too soon, say so. Remember, you are in total control of your therapy, and you can go at whatever pace you need to feel safe. Do your best to communicate what you feel to her, and don't forget to breathe. There is no doubt that therapy is a roller coaster, but it's all about helping you get better with whatever you deem important. It's all about you, and you're in charge.

You're worried. That's perfectly predictable. You may be worried about what you'll feel the need to talk about, and it sounds like you're afraid of becoming attached or dependent on your therapist. Talk to her about that--it's wise of you to notice that fear, and this early on it might be good for both of you to be aware of it, so she can help guide you through and keep it in the light and open air. You'll be okay.

Par for the course, I'm afraid!

If you feel overwhelmed, ditch whatever you were going to talk about, and spend the whole session working on calming down and feeling comfortable in the room with your T. Then once you achieve that (even if it takes a few sessions), go on to addressing your worries about the therapy process.

Trust me, things will go faster this way than if you dove straight into what you think of as "your issues."

BB if you have mommy issues, as I do.... then this T being so available to you and giving you support may just be tapping into that. I know for me a female therapist has adopted me in my mind the moment she takes me on. Let yourself relax, you will survive because you did up until you met her. Stay honest and talk to her about your feelings, if you DONT want to bring a subject up it is a good indication you should. Good Luck! ((((BB))))

I think anything we do that is new is going to be most of our thinking at first? Remember back to Septembers and the new school year? Who knew pencils and notebooks and book covers could be so exciting

I would give it 5-10 sessions and settling down to the work and getting a bit of understanding what it is actually like before I judged that I was doing it "wrong" or it was having a negative effect on me, etc.

Sometimes I worry about being "one of those annoying patients" too. It is hard to let go of wanting to somehow impress your T or wanting to come across as having it together (not like all those annoying verbal diarrhea types!). I find that I get the best work done when I'm not trying to censor myself or project whatever image. It's okay if you feel like you have a lot to talk about--that's why you're there, it's okay if you need to talk about the same damn thing ten or fifty times--that's how you'll come to understand it and put it to rest, it's okay if you feel anxious--as everyone here has explained starting therapy kind of is a big deal.
I find when I have so much going through my mind it helps to write about it. I've written tons since starting therapy. Journal entries, short creative non-fiction, fiction... It's my way to get more out of therapy and I end up doing a lot of work on my own. Try keeping a journal of all the things you wish you could tell your T right now. It'll give you something to do with all that obsessive energy!