[lovingone]

I have had two sessions with a psychiatrist and I am wondering if I am in the right place.

I am a 39 year old woman and I think I suffer from anxiety/panic. To make a long story short, my mother died in 2011. She was a "helicopter mom" and could be very controlling sometimes and at other times expected me to be independent at the snap of a finger. This left me feeling confused. Also she would brow beat my dad to the point where he couldn't or wouldn't support me when I had a problem presumably because he was made to feel useless by her.

I have tried so many times to get my life together and be productive, but can never get over the next "hump" or setback. And it's time for it to stop. I want to have a career, get married, have a family, stop living with my dad.

So I went to the psychiatrist twice. He had some insight into my problems but I left feeling confused. I wanted him to give me tools to conquer my fears and bolster my self confidence so I can achieve.

He kept saying "you look fine to me". Yet he kept asking me questions about how I got health insurance without a job ( my dad signed me up), how do I pay for stuff as an unemployed student, and could I even pay for his services!

So if he is asking me this, I must not be fine right?

I'm now looking into hiring a life coach. I found one who is a woman (like me) and she can advise me over the phone if I don't want to meet in person. I may even go to both her and the psych.

Has anyone here used a life coach? Has it helped? Am I really an anxiety sufferer or just a victim of bad parenting?

[Favorite Jeans]

He sounds unhelpful because he isn't taking your concerns seriously. Whether you meet criteria for an anxiety disorder seems less relevant. The point is that you've identified a set of concerns for which you're seeking help. I don't have any experience with a life coach but do have experience with psychiatrists. Psychiatrists generally are there to diagnose and manage mental illness. This has its place and I've at times found it very helpful. But few psychiatrists have any kind of in-depth training in psychotherapy (especially of the longer-term psychodynamic variety.) They are not as helpful with issues of self-esteem and feeling stuck existentially as they are at managing symptoms. (And I don't disparage the worth of managing symptoms with meds or whatever, just making the point that you don't hire a plumber to fix your car!)
Also: "Just" a victim of parenting? Bad parenting can be pretty devastating and sounds like it has been for you. Good therapy should, as you say, give you tools to move forward and help you make sense of your own story. I suspect that there's a lot there to explore that a coach won't be able to do. But maybe now you'd rather made some concrete changes and explore later (or never).

[lovingone]

Originally Posted by lovingone

I have had two sessions with a psychiatrist and I am wondering if I am in the right place.

I am a 39 year old woman and I think I suffer from anxiety/panic. To make a long story short, my mother died in 2011. She was a "helicopter mom" and could be very controlling sometimes and at other times expected me to be independent at the snap of a finger. This left me feeling confused. Also she would brow beat my dad to the point where he couldn't or wouldn't support me when I had a problem presumably because he was made to feel useless by her.

I have tried so many times to get my life together and be productive, but can never get over the next "hump" or setback. And it's time for it to stop. I want to have a career, get married, have a family, stop living with my dad.

So I went to the psychiatrist twice. He had some insight into my problems but I left feeling confused. I wanted him to give me tools to conquer my fears and bolster my self confidence so I can achieve.

He kept saying "you look fine to me". Yet he kept asking me questions about how I got health insurance without a job ( my dad signed me up), how do I pay for stuff as an unemployed student, and could I even pay for his services!

So if he is asking me this, I must not be fine right?

I'm now looking into hiring a life coach. I found one who is a woman (like me) and she can advise me over the phone if I don't want to meet in person. I may even go to both her and the psych.

Has anyone here used a life coach? Has it helped? Am I really an anxiety sufferer or just a victim of bad parenting?

A little more background on my situation....

I think the turning point in my life was when I was 19 and one of my friends died.

My mother had control of every aspect of my grieving process from the get go. She forbid me from calling my friends parents saying that if they didn't initiate communication with me, that must mean they don't want to talk to me.

My friend was bipolar and in the months before her death her parents had to call me several times to come calm her down because I was the only one she would listen to. So it was my thinking that her parents didn't want to "bother" me anymore because they had called upon a teenager (me) so much to help their daughter.

But my mother wouldn't hear any of my opinions. She just tried to make me feel like I was bothering my friends parents if I tried to contact them after the friends death. The friends mother even told me she like me calling her. But mom my was the supreme authority.

I fought so much with my mom over the right as an adult to grieve for my friend as I saw fit... that all my energy went into that when it should have gone to learning how to be a successful adult!

And this is just one of many road blocks, but that was the situation that changed the course of my life.

So I feel like my anxiety is circumstantial in a way. Like I am not the person I could have been.

[unaluna]

I agree with jeans, the psychiatrist doesn't sound like he wants to get into therapy here, from what you've written. A life coach may be able to get you moving on certain projects though. It doesnt sound like a bad combination for you, really. Why not try it for say six months, and if you're not making the progress you want,you can see about switching therapists.

[Perna]

I think if you feel anxious, you have an anxiety problem? I would hit the library and bookstores, buy a notebook, maybe a workbook and see what I could learn studying my anxiety.

Going from not necessarily "bad" parenting, just insufficient, to being able to care for yourself will take some time as you have to learn what you did not learn growing up. Everything we learn takes practice. Unfortunately one cannot just be handed tools and use them correctly and well right off?

I would start to figure out myself then work with a coach or psychotherapist (not a doctor) some, maybe some of both to see which I found more interesting, effective, or useful.

[Tarra]

Both anxiety and consequences of bad parenting can be helped by a good therapist. I think the psychiatrist sounds useless; how can he know whether you're fine or not when he's only met you twice? In a generous interpretation, maybe he is assessing you in terms of whether you need medication, and perhaps your issues don't exactly fit into his mental illness categories. But an insightful therapist can help with issues that don't fall into specific categories; indeed many therapists aren't keen on diagnoses because people's problems are usually more complex than the neat little boxes.

I personally wouldn't try a life coach because the field is very unregulated so there's more chance of getting someone with no training, maybe even someone who would be harmful to your self esteem. Issues surrounding parents and childhood are very deep and you need someone with appropriate training, ie. a psychologist.

I suggest going to meet a few therapists with a lot of experience in counselling: lay out what you are looking for, and see if you feel understood by them. A good therapist who you click with can make all the difference.

The website aboutpsychotherapy (DOT) com (sorry, this forum won't let me post a proper link as I don't have enough posts yet) is an excellent introduction to what therapy is all about, what you can expect from a good therapist, and how to choose one.

[scorpiosis37]

I would highly recommend seeking out a licensed therapist rather than a life coach. Life coaches are not required to have any schooling, training, supervision, or licensing. As a result, most of them do not have the education or training necessary to help clients with mental health issues. They are simply in way over their heads. So, despite good intentions, they often end up doing more harm than good. If you would not trust the practice of medicine to an unlicensed person who did not attend medical school, why would you trust your mental health to an unlicensed person who did not get an MA or PhD in psychology or social work? In my opinion, education, training, supervision, and licensing are required for good reason when you are working with something as sensitive as mental health. Just think of all the ways our parents made mistakes with us when they thought they were helping, simply because they did not know enough about psychology, attachment, etc. Life coaches have the same potential to do psychological damage because they don't have the kind of education and training that licensed therapists have. I think there is often a sense of hubris involved as well if someone without training thinks they are just as qualified to provide mental health services as someone who has spent years in graduate school, years undergoing supervision, and fulfilled all of the licensing requirements. Just because someone is "good with people" or "wants to help" or "gives good advice to friends" does not qualify them to provide mental health services to the public, particularly to clients who have mental illnesses. They may have the ability to become a good therapist but, in my opinion, they need to undergo proper training before offering their services.

[Victoria'smom]

I would suggest a therapist also. Psychiatrist generally prescribe medication and most anxiety medication is addicting that may be why s/he may be hesitant. I would try therapy for a while then look for a psychiatrist.

[ECHOES]

If you are looking for talk therapy, a psychotherapist is who would be helpful to help you sort things out, explore your relationship with your mother and anything else you want to explore, and support you in realizing your dreams and goals. It wonderful to have someone to talk to about these things, and who is educated and trained to understand the consequences that life experiences, like your mother closing her ears to your opinions, have on our lives currently. A psychotherapist can help you see how those things still affect you and what you can do to change those effects.

Most psychiatrists prescribe medication only, although some do talk therapy also.

[WikidPissah]

It depends on what you are looking for.
If you are looking for advice to jump start your life and get going, a life couch would be awesome.
If you are looking to confront your past hurts (parenting included) then a psychologist.

If you want both...then I'd recommend CBT with a licensed therapist.

[lovingone]

Thanks everyone for your responses

I want to see what the life coach has to offer.

I was watching an interview on tv with Sara Blakeley who is the founder of the Spanx undergarment company and at 42 the youngest female billionaire. She said her dad would tell her that if she wasn't failing she wasn't going to succeed.

Boy would I like to have her as a coach!

I don't think I am sick. In fact if I could have what I wanted out of life I would forget about my mom no questions asked.

I think a good parent prepares their kid to be successful and confident and I got mixed messages because of my parents problems. So I need coaching in how to be successful.

I wasn't abused or neglected. There were some good moments in my childhood but overall I'm not getting what I want out of life.

I think I will see psych and coach both.