[rainbow8]

I'm sorry to start another thread but DBT leader hit me with something I do that I'm not quite aware of, and it's kind of interesting to me. She said I talk very fast and then the volume goes down so she can hardly hear me. The co-leader says what I say "under my breath" is worthwhile and she wants to hear it, but can't always. So I talk too fast when I get excited, but I talk softer and softer.

Wow! My friend has told me I talk kind of fast when I'm excited, but not that I then talk softly. My T mentioned it once recently because she said she has trouble understanding me when I talk so fast.

Like the interrupting, I don't know that I do it! I also don't know that I talk softer at the same time.

I think it's because I don't feel like what I say is important so I speak softly so maybe they won't hear me. But they said it IS important. That almost made me cry too! I'm not sure why I talk fast. Maybe, like the interrupting, I want to get it all in before someone stops me.

Perhaps that's why I write/ post so much here. No one can stop me from writing as much as I want. It isn't fast and it isn't soft.

Does anyone else talk fast and/or softly?

[BlessedRhiannon]

I often talk very fast. I've had to learn to slow down. I tend to talk fast when I'm excited or anxious.

I don't have a voice that projects well, so I've also had to learn how to be heard.

These were hard skills for me to learn...it meant I'd be noticed when I talked! Yikes! But, I did learn them. I had to. Over the years, I've had to refine those skills, especially in the workplace where I'm communicating with people in other countries where English isn't their first language. I have to slow down or they can't understand me.

I've found that when I'm really taking the time to think about what I'm saying, that I speak more slowly and clearly. T can usually tell how excited or anxious I am by my talking speed. When I slow down, I'm starting to calm down and think, rather than just throwing words out there.

When I catch myself speeding up, I force myself to stop and take a deep breath and then make an effort to slow down again.

[SkinnySoul]

I usually talk fast when I'm pissed off, aka yelling, so no there's no-one who can't hear me.

Sometimes in therapy I almost whisper. Especially when I'm talking about tough stuff. It sucks, because T can't hear me and asks to repeat what I said, which leads to talking about hard stuff TWICE.

[A Red Panda]

I'm a fast talker. Even more so if I'm in an up.

But, I also just talk faster and faster if I'm really excited or nervous about something. I don't notice it until it's happening, but it's usually in an attempt to control/dominate the conversation when I'm nervous. When I'm excited I just have to share it NOW! (that's usually when I'm in an up!)

My voice level goes up though - because as I said, it's an attempt to control the conversation so that I don't get upset I suppose. If I notice it I'll stop mid-sentence and then won't know what I was saying.

[Perna]

I thought you were going to write that your writing here is like your speech; I kind of equate writing a lot or posting often with "fast" and a non-directive story (I don't get a sense of your wanting anything in particular from an response) as being "soft".

I enjoy reading your posts, Rainbow, they are diverse and give me many ideas and thoughts about myself. But, the number of posts sometimes feels a bit overwhelming to me, like I cannot keep up (fast?). Too, looking at this post, you tell a story of what your Ts are telling you and then give some observations of what you feel might be causing your actions but as a reader, I'm wondering, "What would she like from me, why is she telling me this?" (too soft in asking me for what you want).

I have seen in other posts of yours that they range over a broad area in responses and many of the responses get just a "thanks" or "no, not it" and others get a warmer, "yes, that's it" response but it feels hit or miss to me and I feel anxious that there is something I don't get or understand about how to respond to you. Rather than feel anxious, I chicken out and just don't respond sometimes.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Perna

I thought you were going to write that your writing here is like your speech; I kind of equate writing a lot or posting often with "fast" and a non-directive story (I don't get a sense of your wanting anything in particular from an response) as being "soft".

I enjoy reading your posts, Rainbow, they are diverse and give me many ideas and thoughts about myself. But, the number of posts sometimes feels a bit overwhelming to me, like I cannot keep up (fast?). Too, looking at this post, you tell a story of what your Ts are telling you and then give some observations of what you feel might be causing your actions but as a reader, I'm wondering, "What would she like from me, why is she telling me this?" (too soft in asking me for what you want).

I have seen in other posts of yours that they range over a broad area in responses and many of the responses get just a "thanks" or "no, not it" and others get a warmer, "yes, that's it" response but it feels hit or miss to me and I feel anxious that there is something I don't get or understand about how to respond to you. Rather than feel anxious, I chicken out and just don't respond sometimes.

It's okay that you don't always respond to me. I think in these last two threads I just wanted to share something I learned from my DBT T, and how I'm pleased that I came close to crying in DBT and in therapy. I'm not pleased about needing to cry about something, but it's not something terrible like someone dying, so I can allow myself to feel good about it. I hope that makes sense. Crying is a release, but I've yet to feel that release in therapy.

My former T told me that there's a small margin of space where her response feels good to me, rather than disappointing. So it's not just you. I don't know if it's hit or miss, but I'm not sure how to say what I want. The closest I can come to it is that I would like validation, and to know that I'm being heard. But at the same time, I feel ashamed of wanting all of that attention here. It's another problem of black and white thinking on my part. I am always trying to find the middle ground. My other DBT leader, when she left, told me to keep trying to stay on the "middle path".

I don't care if I get a lot of feedback to this thread. The one about T and lies is a different story. I think Peaches was correct in saying that I post when I'm confused about my session, or something about my T, and then when I get feedback, I figure it out for myself and come to my own conclusions. Something like that, anyway.

I'm also never sure if you or anyone even wants to hear when I disagree with the advice I get. I wonder if it's just best to say "thank you" to everyone and leave it at that. But that's hard for me to do. Maybe that's for a new thread but not today!