Hugs from your therapist-how they heal

My T started out by saying he was hugging me or holding my hand in his mind. "In my mind, I just gave you a big hug." "I hold your hand such a lot in here, in my mind." The first time I had any actual physical contact with him, I regressed to a fairly young state and he held my hand.

Sometime after that, I told him how, when I was a kid, I always used to wish someone would ask how I was and give me a hug. Later in the session, he asked: "What do you need?" and I said I needed something I'd mentioned earlier but he couldn't give it to me. He said: "Why do you think I can't give you a hug?" I said nothing but it kind of sank into my brain.

A few weeks later, he went on a break. He held my hand again in the last part of the session, and then when the time was up I didn't want to go. I kind of froze, not wanting to move. Then I said: "Maybe you could give me a hug?" and he said: "Oh, well that's easy," and did.

The next time I asked him for a hug, he made me spend ages talking it. Why did I want a hug? What did I want from it? And he asked me all these questions about exactly how I wanted to be hugged. Since then, I've asked for a hug a few times, and asked him to hold my hand. He has only ever done these things when I've asked.

Last session, for example, I commented on how my hand was in a weird position. I said: "Um, so this is me wanting you to hold my hand and not wanting to ask." T said: "So what are you going to do about that then?" I said: "Drop passive aggressive hints?" Then I asked him in a tiny little whisper and he took my hand, but he waited until I'd asked.

The best, most healing hug he ever gave me was when I was really mad at him, I was threatening to quit therapy, it was the end of the session and I needed him to do something, anything, to fix it. And he said: "Well, you can let go of this sh_t with me and see that I love you." I said: "How do I know that." He said: "Smell the truth!" I said: "Well, come within smelling distance then!" And he hugged me and rocked me. I didn't want to let go. Normally I'm the one who lets go, I'm not sure quite why that is.

I have no idea how this is affecting me outside therapy. I think it just generally adds to my ability to feel cared for and contained, I suppose.

Now I sit on a different couch, always with her, usually squashed against her body with her arm around me or my head on her shoulder. (She is the greatest for letting me do this.)

Hugs? Ha. We once high fived though...

Part of the reason it works for me is because my therapist is female and so am I. There isa ton of maternal transference in there, for sure. There is no way on this green earth I would ever allow a male therapist to hold me, hug me, or even come near me. I would honestly never even consider HAVING a male therapist, or any other kind of male provider for that matter....no doctor, dentist, eye doctor, massage therapist, nurse practitioner, accupunturist, etc, etc, etc. No way, no how. But that's just me!

Do you mind me asking why you feel so strongly against ANY male dr, or is that too personal? Most of the best drs I have had are male. (Not to sound sexist about it when I say that...I am not opposed to females as drs at all, and my neurologist, optometrist, and gyno are female...except I won't have a female T. Ever. Bad experiences.)

Those of you who have Ts who hold your hand and/or hold you, maybe even tell you she/he loves you in a good way, please consider how blessed you are. Really, take in that love, appreciate what you have and savior it. I really mean it. You are very lucky people. I want it, need it, so bad that just reading this forum hurts so much. Why do I read it then? Hopes and dreams I guess.

Those of you who have Ts who hold your hand and/or hold you, maybe even tell you she/he loves you in a good way, please consider how blessed you are. Really, take in that love, appreciate what you have and savior it. I really mean it. You are very lucky people. I want it, need it, so bad that just reading this forum hurts so much. Why do I read it then? Hopes and dreams I guess.

My t hugs me sometimes, at first I was like wtf
But now I kind of like them. She doesn't always do it and I don't ask. I think they are more for her than me as she usually gives them if I bring her a present or tell her her new hair do is pretty.

Those of you who have Ts who hold your hand and/or hold you, maybe even tell you she/he loves you in a good way, please consider how blessed you are. Really, take in that love, appreciate what you have and savior it. I really mean it. You are very lucky people. I want it, need it, so bad that just reading this forum hurts so much. Why do I read it then? Hopes and dreams I guess.

My T does ALL those things. She hugs me at every apt I will let her and has told me more the once that she loves me. She has been more of a mother to me in the past year and a half then I've had my entire 38 years. Here's the kicker. I DO LOVE THAT SHE IS SO AFFECTIONATE WITH ME. But, I WANT TO HATE IT!!!! As comforting as it is, it makes me feel vulnerable too. She is not perfect but she is the perfect T for me.