[tealBumblebee]

Every week i've been going to therapy, I've become more and more comfortable with T. Initially I was so nervous about going to T that I literally had my first (and could be only) literal panic attack (as opposed to just panicky symptoms).

Just finished my first five weeks (1x per wk), and I find that the more I tell her, the less I want to tell anyone else. In my first 2-3 sessions, I would come on here and post my thoughts, or tell my best friends what happened. But as time goes on, my responses to "How was therapy?" get shorter and shorter (I think they got something like a "...it went really well. Very productive." response this week), and I feel less compelled to address my issues and anxieties on PC. Like I seriously only want to talk to her...

My mind is telling me different things about this:

1) This is a positive because i'm beginning to trust her obviously.
2) This is a negative because i'm falling back into my common childhood pattern of opening up way too much only to be betrayed, lied to or have my trust broken in the end.
3) This is neutral but odd because, she shouldn't be the only person I tell anything to - who will I talk to when we end therapy (not in the foreseeable future)?

[tinyrabbit]

Maybe you're feeling more contained within the process? Which is a good thing. And maybe you're not telling people so much about your session because you don't want or need to share it for whatever reason.

I have a friend who keeps asking how therapy is going. It's very sweet of her but I no longer want to answer!

[unaluna]

Omg it took me over 30 years to get to this point. I'm a little slow. It's good to concentrate your energy on your therapy this way, really good.

[tealBumblebee]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

Maybe you're feeling more contained within the process...

What do you mean by contained? I'm thinking you mean like my emotions are less all over the place or maybe I feel more secure? I think I do feel more secure for sure. Maybe that really boils down to what it is...thanks TinyRabbit

Originally Posted by hankster

Omg it took me over 30 years to get to this point. I'm a little slow. It's good to concentrate your energy on your therapy this way, really good.

Thanks Hankster...I just have a slight paranoia about it coming to bite me in the butt in the end. Hopefully not though. Thanks for letting me know its not a bad thing!!

[ECHOES]

Well, I don't think it has to be qualified or judged. It just "is".
But I think it's possible you are getting needs met in therapy that maybe you tried hard to get met outside of therapy. So you have grown, and you feel more comfortable with you, more secure as hankster said.

You might find that you find new ways to open up to others as a result of therapy, and that might be yet to come.

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by tealBumblebee

What do you mean by contained? I'm thinking you mean like my emotions are less all over the place or maybe I feel more secure? I think I do feel more secure for sure. Maybe that really boils down to what it is...thanks TinyRabbit

This is quite a good explanation of containment: Containment in Psychotherapy.

I suppose I meant that therapy is giving you a physical and emotional space, so you feel more secure and have somewhere to put your emotions

[tealBumblebee]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

This is quite a good explanation of containment: Containment in Psychotherapy.

I suppose I meant that therapy is giving you a physical and emotional space, so you feel more secure and have somewhere to put your emotions

That really was a good explanation. I would have never thought of it in that light, but you might just be right...

[Miswimmy1]

Originally Posted by tealBumblebee

My mind is telling me different things about this:

1) This is a positive because i'm beginning to trust her obviously.
2) This is a negative because i'm falling back into my common childhood pattern of opening up way too much only to be betrayed, lied to or have my trust broken in the end.
3) This is neutral but odd because, she shouldn't be the only person I tell anything to - who will I talk to when we end therapy (not in the foreseeable future)?

I think its a positive thing that you are beginning to have that level of trust in her. I don't think she will lie to you, or betray you- at least not intentionally, but therapists are human and can make mistakes. But if that happens, I think you have to trust that your relationship can withstand a rupture and you will make it through it together.

I think you do bring up a very good point- you should be able to trust your therapist, but relying on your therapist as your only confident isn't healthy. Because your right- when your relationship ends, where will you be? I think that relying solely on your therapist will strengthen that feeling of opening up and being betrayed, when the relationship does end. your therapist should be there to guide you and help you learn how to open up to other peers as well.

[tinyrabbit]

I say one step at a time. Start by relying on your T. You will be able to go on from there and rely on others too.

[tealBumblebee]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

I think its a positive thing that you are beginning to have that level of trust in her. I don't think she will lie to you, or betray you- at least not intentionally, but therapists are human and can make mistakes. But if that happens, I think you have to trust that your relationship can withstand a rupture and you will make it through it together.

I think you do bring up a very good point- you should be able to trust your therapist, but relying on your therapist as your only confident isn't healthy. Because your right- when your relationship ends, where will you be? I think that relying solely on your therapist will strengthen that feeling of opening up and being betrayed, when the relationship does end. your therapist should be there to guide you and help you learn how to open up to other peers as well.

Yes, I live in my head quite a bit, and I've played out a few scenes that in my heart I know would be her "doing whats best for me" (i.e. notifying a family member or hospital if I am suicidal), but I know that should that ever happen, i'd probably lose most of my trust towards her and, as usual, towards anyone else. And I wonder, if a t would find it worth trying to repair that kind of relationship, seeing as it'd probably be worse than it originally started as.

Also, I agree that the sole reliance really is putting both of us in a bad position...but like TinyRabbit says, i'm taking it one step at a time - i'm just not sure how to decipher when to draw that line...