What kind of therapy are you in?

My T is eclectic. I think his overall approach always is humanistic, client-centered. But he is family systems, object relations, ego state therapy, and he also does trauma techniques like EMDR, which is a form of CBT. I think what's most important is our close relationship, although my therapy does not involve analyzing our relationship or talking about it. Having a close relationship allows us to go deep and do hard and painful work.

I recently spent several weeks with a family member I haven't seen for a while. He is inquisitive and wants to understand things about his past--the whys, insight, etc. But he has such a tendency toward negative thinking! He immediately interprets anything in a negative light. We can look at the same situation and he will create something negative out of it, whereas I will see it in a positive or neutral way. He causes himself a lot of grief through his misinterpretations and negative bias. So if he were to do therapy, I think doing CBT and working on changing his negative thinking patterns would be so helpful to him. Then he could move on to exploring the past, the whys behind things, etc. Without learning to view things less judmentally/negatively, anything he finds out about his past might be even more damaging because he would just see it negatively.

So I think a range of approaches can help a person. For someone with a lot of negative thinking, I believe CBT is an excellent starting place. In my own therapy, we did trauma work first, such as EMDR and ego state therapy. Now we have moved on to other things. I think having a therapist with a big tool box can be very beneficial.

I think therapy isn't always about clear cause and effect. Sure, with something like CBT you can see how working on skills to do XYZ would improve your skills at XYZ.

But I'm in long-term deep talk therapy and the results have been rather more... intangible. I can't pinpoint a specific reason why it would help with, say, anxiety. But my anxiety is better, I've stopped having panic attacks and panicking over tiny things, I'm less anxious, my phobia of phone calls has lessened and I haven't been ill once since starting therapy (I used to get colds, bugs and infections all the time).

If you consider that some things are unconscious, things like anxiety can be a manifestation of unresolved emotional pain or trauma that's buried somewhere in your psyche. While I may not have processed or even properly talked about the causes of my problems, simply going somewhere, being with a therapist and having that space seems to have eased a lot of my symptoms, because I think those symptoms were my unconscious mind's way of telling me it wasn't okay - like these were all flags pointing to my need to go to therapy, if that makes any sense at all.

What happens when you talk about things with him? Does he listen and reply? Or does he deflect the conversation and turn to phobia homework? I am wondering what makes you think it may not OK to talk with him?

Let's take the last session (Monday this week) as an example. I entered the therapist's office feeling anxious. I sat down in the chair and my therapist asked me how I was doing. I told him I was having a bad morning and just shook my head when he asked me why. He then asked me if I could identify what I was feeling. I shook my head again but then told him I had been very worried about starting my new classes at university lately so perhaps that was the reason for me feeling so anxious.

Then he asked me if I'd be anxious if a professor asked me to introduce myself in front of my new classmates (I've got social anxiety disorder among other things). I said "heck yes" and then he started to suggest things I could say (my name, where I come from, what I've studied before etc). After that he went on to exposures and he wanted me to introduce myself to him as I would to new classmates (which I didn't do).

That's pretty much what's happened so far. I say something, he asks me about the way I think and how anxious I'd be if I did X or Y and then he wants me to do an "easier" version of X or Y.

It might be ok to talk to him but I don't know. I don't know the rules. I don't know how therapy is supposed to work. Do you know what I mean?

Every t has different rules and so does every theory. It is all very confusing but the best thing to do is (if you can) ask him how therapy works and what are HIS rules. I know this will be hard for you but you can do it

A therapist who did this sort of thing would make me crazy. One tried it and finally I got it through to that one how useless this sort of thing was for me. I know how to act. For me that is not the problem and being told this sort of stuff is pointless and insulting.

It may work sometimes, but at the beginning when I asked that one I see what were the rules, she first said there were no rules, and when I pointed out that was not true, she then said time limits and paying her. Not useful information.

I have an existential pdoc who does therapy. I am also heavily involved in Gestalt....D.

My T does IFS (Internal Family Systems), EMDR, and SE (somatic experiencing). The latter is a mind-body type of therapy. She's also eclectic and does regular talk therapy, and art therapy.

It is very confusing because there are so many different kinds of therapy. And being in therapy is a new category of relationships - different rules, expectations, etc. than everyday relationships. It's OK to ask questions here - that's what this forum is for. I understand what you mean not being sure if you can talk about things. In more structured kinds of therapy, I felt like I should always stick to the agenda, and not just talk about what was happening in my life. Some people want their therapy to be more focussed on specific goals (like phobias), some people want it to be more broad so they can talk about whatever is going on at the time.
I have found more structured kinds of therapy helpful for learning some skills. Right now working on my relationships is really important for me, so I want to focus on my relationship with my therapist. I felt that I wanted to explore the past and get to the roots of things, not just change my external behaviors, but still be feeling miserable inside.
I agree with other people - whatever type of therapy, it is essential that you trust your therapist and have a good connection.

Thank you. This is pretty much how I feel. I don't really know what kind of agenda he's got and I don't want to break the rules. I'm going to try to ask him about it when I see him on Thursday. I hope I'll have the courage to do so though. Perhaps I could write down the questions on a piece of paper and then hand it to him? Is that weird?

I think what I really need is some sort of mixture between CBT and talk therapy where I can just talk about things with someone who knows about these things. Someone who can help me make sense of things.

Oh and thanks for letting me ask questions here. I can't really talk to people about my mental illness "in real life" so I quite like the idea of this forum.

I don't think so. I can't remember if I have done it, but I would if I found it difficult to talk. And I know others here have done it, or suggested it. I have found that every week I write out my summary of the last session and give it to T to read. That feels more comfortable than telling him how I feel about lat week.

CBT has some very cool tools for thinking. i find if I have to stretch too far, they don't work over time for me. So I have to be careful not to belive because I want to believe. But I have some tools from CBT with a profound and lasting impact.
I also think IFS and Gestalt have some very cool tools. Probably other things - somatic experiencing, focusing.

Ok, good, then I'll try that. I think I'll even write the questions on the same paper as my "homework". That way I won't be able to not ask the questions since I need to show him the paper.