My therapist dumped me when I told her I had issue with transference.

Early human · Jun 21, 2013, 06:25 PM

I am a retired male suffered from anxiety and depression my whole life. Lost my son when he was 22 years old to a car crash. He was a U.S. Army Specialist and vet of the Iraq war. He was married to a woman that he met in the Army. Their first child was 7 weeks old when he passed away. He was about to be shipped back to Iraq. I had a very capable female therapist for years that helped me with my anxiety and depression and began helping me with my bereavement after my son's death. I had timidly attempted to advise her for quite a while that I had some degree of erotic transference for her. She did not acknowledge it. She began hugging me after our weekly sessions and my transference became very intense and troubling. When I finally told her outright that it was a problem for me (in a letter), she became very defensive and basically told me to find another therapist. That was earlier today. I feel confused, disappointed, relieved and sad.

Victoria'smom · Jun 21, 2013, 11:42 PM

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

bunnyloaf · Jun 21, 2013, 11:45 PM

I am sorry too.

Jun 21, 2013, 11:52 PM

Ugh. I'm so sorry. Therapists are SUPPOSED to know how to handle these issues. I am so sorry.

CantExplain · Jun 22, 2013, 12:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Early human

When I finally told her outright that it was a problem for me (in a letter), she became very defensive and basically told me to find another therapist. That was earlier today. I feel confused, disappointed, relieved and sad.

Hi Human!

If she couldn't cope with the transference then there is nothing else she could have done.

It must be very painful, though.

feralkittymom · Jun 22, 2013, 12:57 AM

I'm really sorry you've had to experience this. You did what you should do in trying to address it. It's unfortunate that she was not sufficiently trained and/or healthy to respond appropriately.

Perhaps give it a little time, and then consider a male therapist?

anilam · Jun 22, 2013, 01:42 AM

Im sorry. Obviously she should have handled it better. However, I'm surprised that you are feeling relieved. Could be that you actually would like to change Ts?

Jun 22, 2013, 02:52 AM

I am also sorry, I would consider looking for another T

Jun 22, 2013, 03:11 AM

Doesn't sound like a skilled professional. There are skilled professionals out there.

Moodswing · Jun 22, 2013, 06:05 AM

See and that is why you NEVER tell them!

Jun 22, 2013, 06:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moodswing

See and that is why you NEVER tell them!

That's ridiculous.

Brightheart · Jun 22, 2013, 06:25 AM

My thinking is that we need to be emotionally honest with our therapists or we wouldn't be learning anything.

I'm sorry that your T reacted this way. You did nothing wrong.

WikidPissah · Jun 22, 2013, 06:34 AM

Gads...I'm sorry. You've been thru so much loosing a child, and now to have this kind of rejection is just horrible. They are "supposed" to know how to handle this.

nicoleflynn · Jun 22, 2013, 06:52 AM

A well-trained therapist is supposed to help you work on ALL of your feelings. It is UNethical to abandon a client. It is okay to refer you to someone else, if they don't feel they have the expertise for your issues, but NOT abandon you because of your feelings towards them. You have been through so much trauma, and now have to deal with this. I am so sorry.

Jun 22, 2013, 06:55 AM

I am so sorry this happened to you

You have been through so much and now this.
It actually sounds as though she encouraged it, knowing you had some erotic transference but started hugging you, very unproffesssional. She should have not hugged you!
I think once she received a letter from you, she got scared because once it's written down it means it's official. She probably thought that you could put a complaint in about her. I think maybe she was protecting herself and you since it was causing you a lot of distress with these feelings. I know it's hard now but I think it is best for you. Maybe you could find a male therapist?

wotchermuggle · Jun 22, 2013, 01:50 PM

Wow. She definitely shouldn't have started hugging you.

I think it's AWESOME that you knew that this was an issue for you and you told her about it. You did NOTHING wrong. She isn't skilled enough to help you through this part of the therapy experience, unfortunately.

Jun 22, 2013, 03:04 PM

She handled this terribly. From hugging you after told her about your feelings to rejecting you like this. She doesn't seem like a competent therapist. A good therapist would have acknowledged your feelings and gone through them with you, and no body contact.

unaluna · Jun 22, 2013, 03:43 PM

What exactly did you say in your letter?? And how open are you to finding someone else, both for therapy and for real life companionship? Is she new to her profession? She does certainly seem to have taken a wrong turn.

jkbob · Jun 22, 2013, 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Early human

she became very defensive and basically told me to find another therapist.

Could you explain what you mean here?

I'm thinking she might have suggested that if it is becoming an insurmountable issue that the only option would be to find another therapist. Just me 2 cents.

growlycat · Jun 22, 2013, 05:34 PM

Maybe she was attracted to you and she knew she couldn't handle herself.

I am so sorry for this loss and the loss of your son. He served our country and deserved more out of life.

There are good, ethical therapists out there.

Early human · Jun 22, 2013, 10:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

Ugh. I'm so sorry. Therapists are SUPPOSED to know how to handle these issues. I am so sorry.

Yes, they are! She cut and ran!
Thanks.
I was wither for 10 years.

Early human · Jun 22, 2013, 10:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Hi Human!

If she couldn't cope with the transference then there is nothing else she could have done.

It must be very painful, though.

I did a lot of reading about transference and should not have 'abandoned' me. From what I've read she has an ethical responsibility to work it out with me.

Thank you for your concern.

Early human · Jun 22, 2013, 10:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anilam

Im sorry. Obviously she should have handled it better. However, I'm surprised that you are feeling relieved. Could be that you actually would like to change Ts?

I am a bit surprised too that I feel relieved, but sad that my last session with her was a two way angry argument. She was always very kind. She seemed upset and I believe she was upset because she initiated the hugging and felt that professional credentials were at risk. But, I would never do anything to hurt her.