[Freewilled]

Anyone ever get angry post-therapist vacation?? I just am feeling a surge of anger toward him. I met with him yesterday and was very detached, but didn't have any negative feelings, really. But I was acting kind of like a teenager - noticed myself smirking at him here and there I went home feeling very detached and like I don't need therapy anymore - I'm fine now. I did notice a huge reduction in the anxiety/depression related to my past. I was doing better, although not feeling much of anything was a bit concerning.

I then had several dreams about him last night which is very out of the ordinary. The one I remember best, I basically told him over the phone that he doesn't care about people and I'm really not looking for a therapist who doesn't have care for others. I was like, "look T, I don't need that. I'm looking for someone who cares." The other dreams he was acting more like a peer and I was talking to him in a casual environment with other people. I was telling him about the same life stuff (practical things) and he was telling me what he REALLY thought. It was refreshing to have him be there like a normal person and not all therapist-y.

So this afternoon, a surge of anger came over me. I am feeling agitated and hardened. I am trying to figure out why as nothing happened, but I feel it toward my T. I'm mad at him and I don't really know why. I do think him going on vacation triggered it because he didn't do anything different last night. But him being off the past week is so not a big deal! So why would it be contributing to these feelings? I mean, everyone needs time off and I want my T to take care of himself. But when I think of him, I feel that anger thing in my chest, I feel pissed off! That's so weird....not sure how to approach this...or if I even want to tell my T. I do NOT want to be high maintenance.

How typical of a response is this? I mean, he gave me notice and prepared me for it. Seriously...I feel like need to get a grip /:

[CantExplain]

There is probably a good reason for your anger. On the other hand, it might not really be about T. Therapists make themselves into targets for all our feelings. That's transference.

[Syra]

I think that is totally normal. Are you feeling angry at him because you feel abandoned? (I think you don't believe that, but I wonder if it FEELS like that). or don't feel safe and fee scared when he is gone? It may not be logical to be angry at him, but I thnk it's totally normal, and has to do with some issue of yours. LIke CE said, Ts are used to being targets for ALL our feelings. And good Ts are fine with it and see it as a therapeutic issue and don't take it personally.

[Freewilled]

Originally Posted by Syra

I think that is totally normal. Are you feeling angry at him because you feel abandoned? (I think you don't believe that, but I wonder if it FEELS like that). or don't feel safe and fee scared when he is gone? It may not be logical to be angry at him, but I thnk it's totally normal, and has to do with some issue of yours. LIke CE said, Ts are used to being targets for ALL our feelings. And good Ts are fine with it and see it as a therapeutic issue and don't take it personally.

I don't really get why I'm mad - I just am. I suppose I could have felt abandoned, but it seems very ridiculous to me that I should feel that way over a one week break, you know? I feel exasperated that I should have to start over again and that I haven't moved past all of this stuff. I am annoyed that I feel this way and guess I blame my T.

It felt like i went into session with a wall up and an attitude of "See? I don't need you, T. I'm doing fine all on my own." I seriously have been considering that maybe I don't need to continue. I've been fantasizing about telling T next time that I'm better and no longer need him. That I moved past stuff while he was gone and he is no longer needed. I want to tell him I'm done and quit while I'm ahead...

[1stepatatime]

Hi, Freewilled
I,too have felt the exact same after my T returned from a vacation. I told her that I felt detached. And like you said..you almost feel as though you don't need them. I think it may be a defense mechanism. We detach because they left us. It's easier as opposed to dealing with some anger or resentment. Just my thoughts Think it over carefully if you are considering terminating..don't make an emotional decision..that is the one time in therapy that we need to think logically

[Syra]

Originally Posted by Freewilled

I don't really get why I'm mad - I just am. I suppose I could have felt abandoned, but it seems very ridiculous to me that I should feel that way over a one week break, you know? I feel exasperated that I should have to start over again and that I haven't moved past all of this stuff. I am annoyed that I feel this way and guess I blame my T.

It felt like i went into session with a wall up and an attitude of "See? I don't need you, T. I'm doing fine all on my own." I seriously have been considering that maybe I don't need to continue. I've been fantasizing about telling T next time that I'm better and no longer need him. That I moved past stuff while he was gone and he is no longer needed. I want to tell him I'm done and quit while I'm ahead...

I imagine it sounds ridiculous to you to think she abandoned you. You KNOW she didn't and you are uncomfortable thinking you would feel something that you don't believe. Is that it?
And you feel like you shouldn't have to go over this again, and very annoyed at yourself. And you want to prove to her? yourself? you don't need her by quitting? I suspect if you didn't need her you wouldn't be so angry. But maybe that's not it. Maybe you just don't like not understanding? or don't accept that you feel this way? or something totally different.

I hear that it feels illogical. I haven't had this circumstance, but I've had others when my emotional reaction was TOTALLY out of whack to the circumstances. and I really hated accepting that that's true, but when I accepted the possibility that I had whacky feelings that weren't logical, I was better able to then address the issue. I don't know if that's what's going on for you or not. Maybe not. Just shared it in case it was helpful to hear that perspective.

To answr your first question, I think this kind of resonse is very typical.

[tinyrabbit]

It's not at all ridiculous to feel that way over a short break. You had to cope alone. It is a big deal and it's ok to let yourself see that.

[Miswimmy1]

I always used to get angry after a vacation. It would always sort of take a couple weeks to get back into the swing of things. For me, it was because I would feel abandoned. And then I would resign to the fact that I was alone during the vacation, so I would be ok. But as soon as t would come, I would lash out, sort of like getting out all the hurt that as suppressed during the vacay. I think it's a normal reaction.

I vote normal,your mad because T went away and your acting out now that T is back. As for thinking you don't need T anymore after a break, that's normal too. The mind has a way of packing all that junk up and throwing up,the defenses when we feel like we could be hurt or are hurting. Your normal