[growlycat]

CBT T is driving me crazy. Triggering huge (cliche I know) abandonment issues. He brought up how therapy ends, how what he does is short term.

Can't take it!! I need someone to rely on. I feel pushed away. I don't need to be reminded of the work I'm doing all by myself. That makes it worse, not better.

If I have at least the sense that someone really cares for me and will be there for me, I can conquer the world. Without it, I'm an inpatient waiting to happen.

[Wren_]

(((((growly)))))) not what you needed to hear right now at all
and from what you've said it seemed like you need his ongoing support right now connected with health and other stuff

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by growlycat

CBT T is driving me crazy. Triggering huge (cliche I know) abandonment issues. He brought up how therapy ends, how what he does is short term.

Can't take it!! I need someone to rely on. I feel pushed away. I don't need to be reminded of the work I'm doing all by myself. That makes it worse, not better.

If I have at least the sense that someone really cares for me and will be there for me, I can conquer the world. Without it, I'm an inpatient waiting to happen.

He probably thinks it is easier on you to let you know up front.

“I'm sorry, Lisa. It's the life of the substitute teacher. He's a fraud. Today he wears gym shorts, tomorrow he speaks French or runs a band saw or God knows what.”
―Mr. Bergstrom

[growlycat]

Thanks Tigergirl, Can'tExplain-

It's funny. I told him up front too that I have concerns if we are a good fit. Not because of personality--I do like him. But his style and duration can be a problem.

His answer? "We'll manage it."

It's confusing because he has helped but I worry that the relationship piece is more important to me than to him. He is more cbt oriented of course.

Sometimes he uses the word "consultant" and not "therapist"...it makes me feel like he is my tax guy or something.

So confusing--it would be an easier decision if he were cold, but he isn't. He is upbeat charming and funny and I don't want to lose that either.

So worried that I'll throw away a good thing because I am needy. ugh

Originally Posted by growlycat

CBT T is driving me crazy. Triggering huge (cliche I know) abandonment issues. He brought up how therapy ends, how what he does is short term.

Can't take it!! I need someone to rely on. I feel pushed away. I don't need to be reminded of the work I'm doing all by myself. That makes it worse, not better.

If I have at least the sense that someone really cares for me and will be there for me, I can conquer the world. Without it, I'm an inpatient waiting to happen.

Try psychoanalytic therapy. Can be open ended & the relationship is where the healing happens.

[Wren_]

do you think the cbt part is helping or is it more having someone supporting that helps?

[Asiablue]

I personally feel if you have abandonment issues and/or complex trauma then CBT isn't gonna touch that. CBT is great for a lot of things, but if you have deep seat worries and are having trauma responses to abandonment then that part of your brain overtakes the part of the brain that uses CBT and no amount of CBT will ever cure that.

[growlycat]

Thanks, Mouse, tigergirl, Asiablue...
CBT T seems to primarily use cbt not not in the strictest sense. No worksheets and such.

I actually have a separate psychodynamic T but it has been long distance--but I have been seeing that T for so long I don't want to give it up.

I was open w/cbt T to a certain extent...at least enough to let him know about my past. I'm technically seeing him for specific issues separate from what I work on with regular T.
I also was missing in-person therapy really.

Growly,
I agree with Asia, CBT is not the best if you have any attachment or abandonment issues. I wish this was gonna be easy for you but I am afraid your t is trying to help by letting you know in advance that this therapy won't be longterm.

[growlycat]

I think I'm going to have to clarify what "short term" really means.

[rainbow8]

I had a CBT T once but we ended up doing a lot of talk therapy because I didn't like CBT at all, for the same reasons you don't. I think your problem is the other T being long-distance. Have you considered finding another psychodynamic T who is available for regular sessions? I know you said you don't want to give him up, but that IS an option.

I think it's a good idea to ask your T how long short-term is. DBT is supposed to be 2 cycles--about a year, but my DBT T said I can stay in longer.

It's true that the relationship isn't as important to a CBT T, and your T seems to be telling you that upfront. How long have you been seeing him?

[tealBumblebee]

Yes, this was a big thing for me and why I decided that CBT was not for me. At all. I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Abandonment issues can drive a person mad for sure. I agree as well though, that letting you know up front is the best way to resolve the issue with the LEAST amount of impact.

[growlycat]

Last night was the first time I left T a phone message that wasn't appt. scheduling related.

Told him my fears and said I would talk about it when I come in on Mon. I didn't want to ask him to call back but he did.

He reassured me that ending therapy wasn't on the horizon, that he had no plans to end any time soon.

This is my crazy flag showing, I'm sure. I'm relieved but embarrassed that he now has seen this part of me that is so triggered by being "left". I'm not clingy or needy or anything.

[QuietCat]

Oh my Dog, I've been through this with my T.

My T is also VERY CBT oriented.

I've been seeing him 3 years now. A huge issue for me was a worry that after that first year was up he would be of the opinion that I couldn't be fixed with CBT and he'd tell me I'd need to find another T. I eventually managed to bring this up to him, and I still randomly bring this fear up to him. He's told me his work isn't done if I haven't accomplished all the goals I set out during our first few sessions, and he isn't sick of me or tired of trying to help me. I think he kind of likes having the long-term patients along with the short-term ones, because long-terms are more of a challenge.

I totally understand what you mean about feeling like your T is more like your tax accountant or something. My T keeps our relationship very businesslike and it frustrated me a lot the first few years. This past year I think I've just finally accepted that he's not there to be my parent or love me unconditionally; he's just there to help me solve my life problems and be supportive and I'm going to have to find a real relationship outside T to be the other stuff I need.

I still get this naggy feeling every so often that I'm essentially not going to get any further with CBT T, and I need to move on, but I can't imagine not having T there to share everything with each week, so I cling to it still.