What i wish i knew before starting therapy

What information or pieces of wisdom do you wish you'd known before starting on your therapy journey for the very first time?

For me it would be :

1) Therapy is a rabbit hole you aint ever getting out of, the more you learn the more you want to know

2) Not all therapists are created equal, some are really good but a lot of them just suck.

3) A therapists qualifications are not indicative of how good they'll be, a lot comes down to aptitude for the job, ask lots of questions when interviewing a therapist before you trust them with your heart.

1. The truth about the role of touch and hugs. Is it good? bad? dangerous? risks? benefits?

That I would get hopelessly attached to my Ts!

That therapy isn't a quick fix.

That learning to bear discomfort has a major role recovery.

a lesson i had to learn just today!

Thank you for this....

I also wish someone would have told me that "Therapy" really meant " a journey of painful self examination - only slightly guided but never truly led. "

Also that a T doesnt have the answers or the cure to your ailment and it's not a clear cut path to finding them either.

That it's gonna hurt like hell.

That not all therapists are created equal (and, I hear the T's reply, neither are all clients!). That finding the right one is like finding the right mate: values, personality, chemistry, background, and blind luck are all part of the deal.

That what I got out of it would depend a great deal on how much I put in.

That "reality" is based largely on the stories I tell myself. And in a proper container, with a safe guide and companion, I have all the power I need to create a new reality for myself and heal. That it is in my hands, and nothing will change until I understand that, and become willing to act upon it.

That once this door has been opened ... You'll never be able to close it again.

Ever!

That starting the therapy journey is like your house taking off with you inside in a twister and you never know what land you're going to land in and whether you'll kill the witch or whether you'll even get home!

That it's worth it.

That it will hurt, but it will be worth it.

That if I think my T doesn't care and hates me, it might just turn out to be transference at work.

That part of the journey is questioning ones reality and then learning that it may not have been true all along. - Feelings lie

It is much less scientific than they like to pretend.

I really wish my FOO had been just a tiny bit more forthcoming. I didn't find out some lies until I was 50+ and I wonder why they bothered to tell me then! But if I had known some of these things when I was younger, maybe it would have made a difference. I like to be fact-based. If you (FOO) don't like me, I can deal with that. But if you pretend to like me - you say you do? but then your actions show that you don't? -- it confuses me. If anything, I wish therapy would have been able to clear my head and heart of this confusion sooner than it did - like 30 years sooner.

That I will fall in love and want to have the first homosexual relationship in my life. That my erotic longings would consume me for years. That, even when I beg for her to even touch my hand, she won't.
G&N

I shouldn't have been scared of a therapist with a beard.

I agree with rainbow8. I never thought I would get so emotionally attached to my T.

Things will get worse before they get better.
You will find out things about your life that you had never known before, and it will hurt, a lot.

That it can actually work. I wouldn't have waited 16 years to take the plunge.

That the most trivial moments in therapy may turn out to be the most significant.

That there's no right or wrong way to do it and whatever happens is what needs to happen.

That therapy is a waste of time and money. And if you want to change your life you have to do it yourself, not rely on talking gibberish for 50 minutes every other week and expect anything to change. Because it won't.

Wow there's a lot heard-earned wisdom here.

I'd like to add:

Do what you can & don't beat yourself up about it. Do what you can, even when that means just showing up.

Keep going. Keep on putting one foot in front of the other. It's a **** of a system, but it does work.

You really are stronger than you think.

And... should I tell T... yes.

The things I do not want to talk about are usually the things I NEED to talk about.

I wish I knew that I couldn't be done in 6 weeks, and that I had to pace myself so I wouldn't get overwhelmed.

That while there may be things I'll wish I knew at the start, learning those things will have been part of my therapy.

Lycanthrope I'm sorry you feel that way.

If something is bothering you then just spit it out--being honest with your T brings greater rewards.

That T's are deeply flawed and deeply human

T's usually have "been through something" themselves----wounded healers

The pain is worth it

Feeling cared about is the most curative part of therapy, not advice or even insight