[Freewilled]

Okay - so what exactly does it mean to stay with a feeling and/or give the feeling some space? I try to do that when encouraged to do so by my T, but I'm not sure i really get it. I mean, how do I stay with my feelings? Say I feel sad - so what do I do at that point? I'm sorry if is seems like a weird question, but I really am at a loss....

[boredporcupine]

I think they both mean to observe the feeling without having to do anything about it. It's like saying "Huh, I feel angry. That's interesting..." instead of "I feel angry, I hate being angry, why do I always get angry!?" or, "I feel angry and whoever is responsible will PAY!!" One of the techniques to stay with a feeling and give it space is to notice how it shows up in your body. Like "Hmm, I feel angry. My throat feels tight and my face feels kind of hot. I notice that I am tensing my arms, blah blah..."

Did that help at all?

[sunrise]

I think "stay with the feeling" means allow yourself to feel the feeling instead of trying to brush it away, stow it inside, or shrug it off. It means don't let yourself "change the feeling" if you get uncomfortable, similar to "changing the subject" if discussing something you want to avoid. Before I started therapy, I could not stay with the feeling. At the first hint of a feeling, I stowed it deep inside so I wouldn't feel it. Now I can stay with the feeling! The weird things we learn to do in therapy...

I don't know what "give the feeling some space" means. I haven't heard that one.

[Perna]

Stay with the feeling as you would a friend; if you are sad, you feel sad but you can give it space by realizing it is not "you" it is just your feeling. Like sunrise says, you don't try to get rid of it in some way or change it into something else, you "listen" to it and see what it might be saying, what thoughts it might bring up ("I remember feeling this way yesterday when John seemed to be ignoring me") and what other feelings there might be associated with it ("sad" is a rather vague word that can mean anything from out-of-sorts to grief stricken Sad Synonyms, Sad Antonyms | Thesaurus.com). What might be missing? If John seems to be ignoring you, were you also disappointed or angry about that?

[Tarra]

Have you tried mindfulness meditation? It's quite strongly related.

[Solepa]

My T tells me I run away from my feeling a lot. I do that by leaving situations and places where I have strong feelings such as anxiety. When I leave I can also shut the feeling off. My T say it is a bad thing and I should stay there and let it happen even if it is hard. She told me that I should try to "listen" what is the feeling telling me and write down anything that goes through my mind while feeling it. If I start to have any kind of strong emotion I always shut it off pretty quick.
I don´t know if that is in anyway similar to your situation but maybe....

Please take care (((hugs)))

The way I look at it and the way that my t explained it to me was to say to myself "okay I feel this way right now. Why do I feel this way?" When I can figure out why I feel the way I am it takes all the power from the feeling.

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[IndieVisible]

Yea, I'm not really getting it either. I can see staying with the feelings when they last long enough, but many come and go too quickly for some people.

I get asking yourself why do u feel the way u do, I do that a lot. But the phrase stay with the feeling sounds strange to me.

[tinyrabbit]

For me personally, this means:
- acknowledging how you are feeling
- allowing yourself to pay attention to how you are feeling, rather than trying to distract yourself or dissociate from it
- accepting that the feeling is uncomfortable or feels intolerable
- pay attention to what's happening in your body and your mind

[Freewilled]

Originally Posted by Tarra

Have you tried mindfulness meditation? It's quite strongly related.

I've not really tried that...I will have to look into it. Thanks!

[Freewilled]

Originally Posted by Solepa

My T tells me I run away from my feeling a lot. I do that by leaving situations and places where I have strong feelings such as anxiety. When I leave I can also shut the feeling off. My T say it is a bad thing and I should stay there and let it happen even if it is hard. She told me that I should try to "listen" what is the feeling telling me and write down anything that goes through my mind while feeling it. If I start to have any kind of strong emotion I always shut it off pretty quick.
I don´t know if that is in anyway similar to your situation but maybe....

Please take care (((hugs)))

Yes! That's pretty much what I do. I also minimize any strong feelings away most of the time. I think I'm driving my T crazy /: I just do it so automatically and I can't seem to do this staying with my feeling thing. I don't know what to say at the point that I'm just feeling. I'm super uncomfortable and just plain confused. But my T seems to think its important so....Im trying to understand it. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me as it helps me to feel less alone

[stopdog]

What is running through my mind is usually something like - how do I stop feeling like this.