[neutrino]

What would happen if I told my therapist I experience suicidal thoughts?

I'm not suicidal. Being suicidal means you want to die and you have actual plans to kill yourself, right? Well, I don't want to die and I'm not planning on doing so. However, I think about it quite a bit. I get thoughts like "perhaps you should just kill yourself", "why are you even alive? Things won't get better anyway", "I hate my life" etc. I also get sudden thoughts (they're like flashes) like "perhaps you should just throw yourself out the window", "perhaps you should just jump out on the street in front of all those cars", "bleach? Drink it!", "a nail? Perhaps you should just push it into your eye and see what happens" and things like that. Even though I don't want to go through with them the thoughts sometimes scare me a little bit. What if I get really impulsive and do something stupid? I mostly get these thoughts when I'm in one of my very low episodes or when I'm anxious about failing things (studies for example).

Are these really suicidal thoughts? What would happen if I told my therapist about them? Should I tell him? Is it important? Would the thoughts be taken seriously? I feel like I'm approaching one of those episodes of extremely low mood (they usually last for a few weeks/a month before going back to my "normal depression"). Maybe I'm already there. Anyway, that means the thoughts are back. Hence me asking all those questions (I hope it's ok to ask questions like these in this forum).

Thanks (also, sorry if I'm posting too much).

[Perna]

I would tell your therapist; our thoughts are just thoughts, kind of like dreams are just dreams but they can be very significant and help us manage our feelings. You have already noted that the thoughts get worse when you are in one of your very low episodes or when you are anxious about failing. I would use that to lead with when starting a discussion with your therapist:

"You know, I get these really unpleasant and scary thoughts when I'm feeling really bad or anxious about failing something. . ."

[JaneC]

My T explained it to me this way when I was having the same thoughts....

When things are tough it is our natural human need to find a way to fix the solution and if nothing else seems like a good enough solution, then it is often natural to find the ultimate solution....."I should kill myself"...problem goes away. It is the ultimate sign that something is really bothering you and this is the best time to talk it through with your T. Your T will see it as a good thing if you talk about, at least mine did anyway.

Take good care neutrino

[CantExplain]

Yes, tell your T.

[tinyrabbit]

Please do tell your T. It is important. A good T will understand that experiencing such thoughts or feelings is something you need to talk about. I told my T and as a result have been able to unpack exactly what my sui feelings are, where they come from and what triggers them.

[nicoleflynn]

Those ARE suicidal thoughts...Tell your t....he would want to know and then he can help you.

[Victoria'smom]

Yes tell T. S/He will probably find out how often you are thinking about it, If it's passive or active thoughts, and how much impulse control you have and if your taking meds when your next appointment is. There's a lot of people that live with passive suicidal thoughts

[Littlemeinside]

Originally Posted by neutrino

What would happen if I told my therapist I experience suicidal thoughts?

I'm not suicidal. Being suicidal means you want to die and you have actual plans to kill yourself, right? Well, I don't want to die and I'm not planning on doing so. However, I think about it quite a bit. I get thoughts like "perhaps you should just kill yourself", "why are you even alive? Things won't get better anyway", "I hate my life" etc. I also get sudden thoughts (they're like flashes) like "perhaps you should just throw yourself out the window", "perhaps you should just jump out on the street in front of all those cars", "bleach? Drink it!", "a nail? Perhaps you should just push it into your eye and see what happens" and things like that. Even though I don't want to go through with them the thoughts sometimes scare me a little bit. What if I get really impulsive and do something stupid? I mostly get these thoughts when I'm in one of my very low episodes or when I'm anxious about failing things (studies for example).

Are these really suicidal thoughts? What would happen if I told my therapist about them? Should I tell him? Is it important? Would the thoughts be taken seriously? I feel like I'm approaching one of those episodes of extremely low mood (they usually last for a few weeks/a month before going back to my "normal depression"). Maybe I'm already there. Anyway, that means the thoughts are back. Hence me asking all those questions (I hope it's ok to ask questions like these in this forum).

Thanks (also, sorry if I'm posting too much).

Diffenately tell your T. Nothing will happen other than you might get some relieve. When I was younger, I felt the same way and was very stressed out about having these thoughts. It was a good experience to be open about it and the T did not freak out, but was very emphatic, explained some stuff to me and that gave me some rest and relieve.

[RTerroni]

I remember when I was doing a screening while still in College (at the request of a professor) and I said that I really didn't think about Suicide much but just passively and they got all concerned about it. So be wise in what you say.

[neutrino]

Thanks for all the replies!

I think I might tell my therapist when I see him next time (Friday next week). I don't know how to bring it up so I'm thinking about maybe writing it down on a paper and hand him the paper when I get there. Is that a good idea? By the way, it's not like he could hospitalize me or anything, right?

Also, I wrote that I sometimes worry I'll become really impulsive and carry out the things the thoughts "tell" me to do. Does that ever happen to you? Yesterday, for example, I felt compelled to put the nail against my left eye to see what that felt like (after I got the thought about pushing a nail into my eye). I actually held it against me left eye. I feel like I would never actually do anything but what if I get really impulsive all of a sudden? And now I'm thinking that sounds like an OCD intrusive thought but it probably isn't, right? It's probably some sort of suicidal thought just like the others.

It's confusing.

[neutrino]

I talked to my therapist about my suicidal thoughts today. He just asked "do you want to kill yourself? Have you got any plans on doing so?" I said no but that I think about it quite a bit. Then he said it's normal to have suicidal thoughts when you're depressed and that it's "ok" as long as you don't have actual plans to commit suicide. And that was it.

[Victoria'smom]

Good I'm glad you were able to talk to him and that it turned out okay.

[learning1]

It's good he didn't overreact but it doesn't sound like he was very helpful either. .

Maybe you could ask him some more of the questions you wrote on here to get him to talk about it more if you want. Did you want him to help more, and talk about it more? I would have wanted that I think.

Im not sure if you are on medication either, but I was put on a medication once that caused me to have these thoughts frequently. I stopped the meds and the thoughts stopped, so sometimes it can be the result of a medication.

[neutrino]

Originally Posted by learning1

It's good he didn't overreact but it doesn't sound like he was very helpful either. .

Maybe you could ask him some more of the questions you wrote on here to get him to talk about it more if you want. Did you want him to help more, and talk about it more? I would have wanted that I think.

It wasn't very helpful, no. I don't really think he got how the thoughts work either. He asked me if I wanted to die or if I had any plans to kill myself and I said no, but what he didn't ask was how much I think about it etc. Because he didn't ask I didn't tell him that I sort of obsess about it and that I reckon it might be my OCD acting up. For the past 1,5 days I've been obsessing over the fact that I could die today or any other day if I wanted to. I could take all the medication that's in my room right now and overdose and die. I don't want to do it but I keep worrying about getting impulsive: "what if I get really impulsive and do something stupid even though I don't want to?" Things like that. Then I obsess about the fact that I'm obsessing about it. Vicious circle.

I might tell him about the all obsessing when I see him next time. That's not until Friday afternoon though.

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

Im not sure if you are on medication either, but I was put on a medication once that caused me to have these thoughts frequently. I stopped the meds and the thoughts stopped, so sometimes it can be the result of a medication.

I'm not on any medication. I've been prescribed Venlafaxine/Effexor but I don't dare to try it. It's here in my room and it's been here for a month but I haven't touched it.

Why won't you try the effexor? It could very well help lift the depression enough that the suicidal thoughts would go away and you could function better.

[neutrino]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

Why won't you try the effexor? It could very well help lift the depression enough that the suicidal thoughts would go away and you could function better.

Because I'm too afraid. For several reasons.

I got dumped because I told him about it too often. He couldn't deal with it.