Such a COWARD

How about instead of raging you calmly and reasonably explain it to her?
Also I think that this is a conversation better suited for session than voicemail...

Why should it be calm and reasonable in session? That is what I did yeserday when I had a session and she did NOT get it. Look Im on self destruct mode right now if I dont get what I NEED versus what she THINKS I need...I dont want to think what might happen.



I called and asserted that we were doing coping skills in my next session and if she doesn't do it I will walk the **** out and find a new T.

Have you never worked on coping skills with her? Have you made a list of skills that you can maybe go to when you need help coping between sessions?

It sounds like a kind of power struggle going on between you and your therapist (and maybe pdoc to a lesser extent). Since the goal seems to be to keep you from attempting sui (and presumably at least the two of you share that goal), maybe it would be helpful to come up with specific ways, on your end, to try to prevent that. They've come up with this ultimatum --but what do you think could best help you? What do you feel you need, specifically, to prevent you from sui, and more broadly, to feel better?

I think maybe the SH in and of itself may not be the issue; it's possible that what they're worried about is, again, sui, and the fear that in doing SH it may go too far and lead to more harm than you intended.

In any case, I think coming up with a plan of your own and sharing this with both T and pdoc might be really helpful. If they feel you are, and you are, committed to recovering, then they may even be willing to drop the ultimatum, you never know.