Two things I would never tell my T in a million years.

Apparently I don't - I always go back to hating myself. No one, professional or just supportive, seems to be able to say anything to me that gets through and makes any lasting difference. I guess maybe I have been down on myself for so long I know of no other way. And then last year just magnified those feelings about a hundred fold.

There has to be an answer, but I don't know what it is.

Self-hatred was a core factor for me, too, and didn’t budge with the change-my-thinking and affirmation techniques.

One therapist mentioned Hyman Spotnitz and his notion of narcissistic defense. It’s not exactly a mainstream idea, at least I don’t think so, and I eventually left that therapist but looked up the concept after I had dealt with some trauma stuff. It kind of seemed like an “answer” for me. Here’s a link:

http://modernpsychoanalysis.blogspot.com/2006/09/narcissistic-defense.html

Maybe it will help, maybe not.