Trust...UGH!

So, as you all know, my Pdoc, then my T, both wrote up contracts for me to sign and follow through on, if I want them to continue being my health providers. As a result of the contracts I have had a really hard time trusting them. As I feel they are more worried about their a**es than me. As a result it has been a struggle for control unbenounced to them. So, I guess my question is, how do I let down my walls, and continue trusting them?

I think you kinda have two options -
1) Take a leap of faith that they want to help you
2) Talk about how you're feeling, about how you're struggling to trust right now, and maybe even talk about how you can all work to build that trust back up again.

Personally, I'm not one for leaps of faith, and I'd probably go the talk it out route. However, my T is one with whom I can talk about these things. She knows that trust is a huge issue with me, and we often talk about the ways in which I've developed trust in her and in our working relationship.

I think coming up with a kind of treatment plan of your own would be helpful. I know a typical answer to this would be, well, that's what they're there for, if I knew I wouldn't need their help!

But I think on some level you have an idea of what might be helpful to you. What are your needs? What might help you to avoid the sui thoughts? What can they do to help you? What can you do to help yourself?

I think if it becomes more of a collaborative relationship, you may be able to trust more. This way it will be more of a team effort, you would be active in your recovery, and it wouldn't just be a matter of a contract imposed on you.

Trust needs to be gradually built. Seing they've compromised your sense of trust, only time would possibly help re-establish some sort of trust.

Before the issues with contracts etc. were they trustworthy? Do you think they did a good job? If so, maybe trust that what they are doing, even if you are reluctant, is for your own good. And maybe as you get better, this would help re-establish your sense of control (as you feel control has been taken out of your hands for now), which in turn would fuel your sense of trust.

I think I'd struggle to have trust. I prefer working with a therapist that is free from all that sort of useless stuff

You are supposed to be worried about yourself, not them; they can worry about their a**es or whatever but they are there at least; why would that be the only thing they would want to get out of it, being there?

They have to want to be there unless you are paying them zillions of dollars and they don't need other clients, etc.? No one does things they don't want to do; it's not just us who procrastinate and drag our feet, etc. when we have to do something we don't want to, everyone does. Since they are taking the time and effort to make contracts and try to help you stay safe and secure, they have to like doing that or they would not put that much effort into it?

If I were in your shoes, I would ask them if they have other clients with contracts, etc., it probably is not just you. They are doing it because they have found it helps clients and are hoping it will help you? Protecting a**es in that way does not take that much time and effort? They would do that and just phone it in instead of showing up but they're showing up too.

I thought you had found a new therapist and were looking for a new psychiatrist.

I had found a new therapist. However, because of the contract with pdoc(whom I still want) I have to run switching T's by hhim but i wont see him till Oct 18. He wont talk about it over the phone as I have tried calling and he left that we would discuss it at my next appt.

Melissa how are you going to handle it when your next T disappoints you? How will you cope when you feel like she's hurt you or betrayed your trust in some way? Because that day will come with any and every T no matter how competent or compassionate. It's good to lay out a strategy in advance so you don't end up leaving each relationship every time you feel upset or hurt.

This seems to me more than being a tad disappointed in a therapist. This is the therapist insisting on a "contract" that limits what it is safe to tell that therapist.

Who knows, it's possible that this contract isn't as set in stone as it seems. Perhaps, Melissa, if you share the SH with your therapist, but also share with her the steps you're taking to stop, the coping mechanisms you're using, the consequences would not be so dire.

Or, on the other hand, maybe it's not the end of the world to not share the SH with your therapist. I think all or many of us do not share *everything* with our therapist at some time or another. If it's not putting your life in danger, maybe you could continue to learn and employ coping mechanisms (which is what you would be doing even if you told her about it) and see if you can get it under control.

As you've mentioned, you can ask your therapist to focus more on coping mechanisms to *prevent* SH --this would actually be honest, you wouldn't be lying, because you do want to work on coping so as to avoid SH.

I have asked twice, once at each of the last sessions, to focus on coping skills so as to avoid SH and she has skipped right over it. So I think tomorrow I will say and continually repeat as necessary "coping skills" and see if she gets the point. If she still doesnt "get it" I will schedule an earlier appointment with my Pdoc to argue my reasons to switch T's.

No Pdoc can tell you which T you can/can't see- this, again, is too restrictive.

It IS ok when I have signed a contract with him stating those are the terms of my remaining with him!

Maybe you could clarify if they meant stay with that particular therapist or be in therapy in general? Or maybe they're insisting on staying with the same therapist, because they wouldn't be able to guarantee that you really went to see someone else (thus, potentially putting you in an unsafe situation).

But, can I ask, have you never worked on coping skills before with this therapist? I'm not saying that more work on them can't be very beneficial, just wondering if during the course of therapy, you had already come up with some things you can do to avoid SH?

Can you maybe make a list of things you need on their part that would help you in general (with sui, SI, SH)? And perhaps, along with it, a list of things you think you can do to avoid these things? Hate to sound like a broken record, but I do think that bringing such things into therapy (and with pdoc?) with you could help make it a more collaborative effort instead of such a power struggle.