Am I really that disconnected? Is it possible?

Is it truly possible to be so disconnected that I didnt realize I left an "aggressive"(as my T put it) voicemail for her Wednesday or Thursday? I barely remember calling her last week.

She wants me to use the grounding techique she retaught me today on a regular basis. However, I am terrified of feeling that much. I prefer NOT to feel all that often. But I also dont want to leave a vm that I dont realize is inappropiate b/c I dont realize how intense my feelings are. GAWD I hate this. I also have start journaling so I realize the settings in which I get triggered. Ugh!!

Sorry I am whining...

Your not whining. It's scary to hear that you're disconnected and I think it'll take a while to get use to it. then you have to decide to change it.

Maybe. Whether or not your voicemail was 'aggressive' might be a matter of perception, though? Sometimes my T has said similar to me on occasions where I just didn't see it... I do try to hold my hands up where needed but it's possible counter-transference comes into play? That's my story, anyway

If she still has the voicemail maybe you could listen to it and see where she's coming from? Maybe you didn't realise the emotion coming out in your voice..

"I called and asserted that we were doing coping skills in my next session and if she doesn't do it I will walk the **** out and find a new T."

This is what you said you left as a voice mail for your T earlier this week. If this was exactly what you said, yes, it is a bit aggressive. I suspect this is voice mail she is referring to.

I don't think it matters if one is aggressive in talking to a therapist.
Are you bothered that you might have been perceived as aggressive?

She didn't get into the details of the vm...just said it was inappropriate and aggressive.

I'm more worried about the grounding and journaling and what it will bring out, what I will find out about myself...other than I am a big baby.

You make it sound like she was told she did something 'bad' full stop. I doubt this was the intention.

I don't think this is about negatively affecting the therapist. They can take it, it's their job. Presumably the purpose of pointing this out is to share how someone's behavior can be construed by others (in general), especially when this can hurt relationships, and especially when someone is working on improving how they relate to others.

And obviously, in this case it was especially helpful, as the OP did not even realize that she left such a message. The point is, at the end of the day, therapists can take just about anything, but part of their job is to help people with *real* relationships where people will not be so patient and non-judgmental when met with what would be considered in the real world 'inappropriate.'

I've noticed your posts here swing pretty widely from contrite to over-the-top aggressive and angry, so it's certainly possible that your vm message fit that pattern. You should talk about feeling disconnected.

M- What do you use for grounding techniques? Does it work?

I completely agree that therapists can take it - that was my point - one does not need to be concerned if the therapist takes them as aggressive or not.
And it is why I asked the OP if she was bothered by it. If she had been, then there could have been the reassurance that therapists can take it - which was my point.
I disagree with your further presumption as being the presumption to make in dealing with therapists, but it is not necessarily one I would find invalid always.

OP - did you decide to stick with this therapist or try the new one after telling the psychiatrist of your change?