[Cheshire Grin]

I have been seeing a new p-doc for about six weeks now. Two sessions ago he told me to purchase a book that we would use in therapy. He even went so far as to say, "we can cover about a chapter a week and discuss it in here. We'll use it like a workbook."

He immediate went online and found a used copy of the book for $25. This price did not include shipping.

I have never had a therapist tell me to buy a book before, but I wanted to prove that I am serious about making progress in therapy. I ordered the book.

It normally costs $40, but I found it used on Amazon for $30, including shipping. Partly because I have health issues, but mostly because I have chronic major depression, I have not had a job in over ten years. The very small amount of money I have, comes
from the generosity of my family. Every expenditure I have must be a need, not frivolous. So paying for this book was not an easy choice to make.

When I returned for my last session, I told the doctor that I had purchased the book. His reply: "oh, good for you. You are an intelligent person and will find some interesting material in there, studying on your own." I was so shocked. I felt like I had been slapped in the face. It felt like I had the rug pulled out from under me.

This doctor is very clever at redirecting me, often at a very rapid rate, so that I feel confused by all the different things that get mentioned. Afterwards, I am not sure what I have accomplished.

I don't think I can trust this doctor now. I'll give him a chance to explain himself in our next session, but I am angry and disappointed in his dismissive attitude regarding his big idea to work with a book I really can't afford.

[Wren_]

hi, I had a T for awhile that did things like this regularly - the first few books i purchased and we did actually begin them but after the first session he would decide it wouldn't work and suggest another book to try instead; or he would do as yours did and state that it was for me to work on by myself after specifically saying initially it was for us to go through together - all that to say; I understand how confusing, hurtful and annoying it can be it's possible he may have forgotten what he said initially rather than be lying about it; I know it hurts though especially when you were buying a book you couldn't easily afford

I hope that now you have the book, you will look at it and will try asking your p-doc again about working through it. If he thinks it might help you (and you went to all that effort of buying it) it could still be worth going through the material even with the mess he made of this - whether with him if it works out, or on your own

saying that last part because - I admit the first time it happened I never wanted to touch the book again and didn't for ages; because I felt too hurt by the excitement and hope of working on it together and the rejection it felt like when he said it was for me to work on alone .. actually about two pages of the book were semi helpful when I did get around to it and the rest ... was pretty much rubbish ... I hope your book ends up being a much better experience!

[Rive.]

Maybe you should remind him of what he said to you (re working on the book together) and this being the reason you primarily got the book. I would also explain to him that you would appreciate his cooperation in helping you make savings rather than spending (sorry, i find it a bit iffy for Ts to recommend this or that book and make it seem essential - not everyone can afford to splurge and Ts should be sensitive to that).

IF he continues to be as inconsistent and confusing, could you possibly switch to someone else? I would find it very confusing/frustrating to work with someone like this. I wouldn't know if I could even trust anything they said.

[Nightlight]

It sounds like the psychiatrist might have forgotten what he said to you about the book? Sometimes specialist doctors are extremely busy. Sometimes my own therapist is so busy that she'll forget she said something to me, and after more than four years, it can still hurt at times. And my psychiatrist forgets a lot and contradicts himself often. Otherwise your psychiatrist still may have just expected you to go off and work through it one chapter at a time on your own, and then bring up how it's going each you see him (when you and he would work through it together, since that's what his original suggestion sounded like).

When life is really, really hard, it's so easy to take those sorts of events as a sign of something about ourselves and who we are to other people (that we're not worth remembering or following through with etc). As I've improved in the course of my own treatment, I've realised that I have to take equal responsibility for certain things. It's absolutely not what I would have managed or even considered to be fair earlier in my treatment, but in hindsight, it's something that I've worked towards.

If my therapist forgets that she promised we'd work on something together, I can (now) choose how I react. I can remind her, hey what about that thing you said we would do together? I liked that idea and I made a big effort so that we could do that. I do find that it is so much more helpful to have someone help me and keep me on the right track. So I do hope you have someone to help you work through the book, particularly because of the effort you're clearly willing to put in.

[Raging Quiet]

My T forgets things we arrange or that she sets. It does hurt. Does your pdoc write notes in your session?

[mixedup_emotions]

Ouch. I can certainly understand feeling upset about this.

The good thing is that this is an opportunity for you to assert yourself - to remind pdoc of what he said and to let him know just how serious a task it was for you to get the book knowing that you would be working on it together. Letting him know how you felt about his changed response is important as well.

Aside from that, you can also read parts of the book and raise key topics in your session, paying attention to what gets stirred up for you, is a way for you to be proactive about your treatment.

The most important thing, I've found, is not burying my feelings as it ultimately affects me - and then the relationship with whom I'm suppressing those feelings about. Addressing it almost always leads to some kind of gain.

Good luck.

[MoxieDoxie]

I have 6 books my T suggested I get. All have been flung in the back of my car. If self help books actually worked why then we would not be in therapy and the profession would cease to exist. Now I say no when he suggests a book.

[Cheshire Grin]

MoxieDoxie, mixedup_emotions, Rect0pathic, Nightlight, Rive., and tigergirl

for all your kind and thoughtful responses

I have an appointment with this p-doc tomorrow and I will post about the outcome.

Self help books can be very helpful at the right times of your recovery. I have purchased many books over the years, some have helped, some have not but most I have taken something away from. At the moment I am working through one on my own and I am discovering things I never even thought of before. Even though I work through this book on my own I can take things into therapy to further discuss. I am finding this very helpful.

Im sorry you feel like you have wasted money but it could still be a helpful thing to work on by yourself, if you arnt ready for that now then you might be further down the track.

[WikidPissah]

Good Luck this afternoon Cheshire!

[MoxieDoxie]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

I have 6 books my T suggested I get. All have been flung in the back of my car. If self help books actually worked why then we would not be in therapy and the profession would cease to exist. Now I say no when he suggests a book.

His today suggestion...............he has not read it

http://www.amazon.com/Hate-You-Dont-Leave-Understanding/dp/0380713055

[mcl6136]

Clearly his reading list will go on, at your expense, indefinitely.

I suggest presenting an invoice for the cost of the purchased book, or if you pay out of pocket for therapy deducting the cost of the book from his fees.

When he asks, say that this was the workbook that you thought you would be using, deducted from the fees he thought he would be receiving.

Honestly, you want a therapist not a librarian, right?

[Cheshire Grin]

MoxieDoxie, mixedup_emotions, Raging Quiet, Nightlight, Rive., tigergirl, Supanova, WikidPissah,
and mcl6136 for all your input.
I am very grateful for your efforts in helping me find my way.

I apologize that I have taken so long to report back on this issue.

I have been having a very difficult time because I am grieving the death of my dog. I plan to check out the grieving section of psych central when I feel up to it.

I printed out my version of events which included the initial posting for this thread. I was scared, but so nauseated by this p-doc's forgetful, dismissive behavior that I knew I needed to let him know.

He apologized that we had a "miscommunication" and claimed that he did not suggest we use the book as a "workbook"--the very word he initially used. Later on in our session he said he had been diagnosed with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder as an excuse for missing details in therapy.

He did suggest I return the book and offered to loan me his own copy. I'm not interested in borrowing anything from him.

I don't think he has the adequate skills to treat people in therapy. He doesn't take notes, for whatever reason. It might help.

At any rate, I don't trust him anymore and don't think he's helping me much. I've scheduled less appointments with him and plan to resume work with a different counselor and my old psychiatrist next year, when my life (hopefully) should be less complicated.

[Rive.]

Sorry to hear about your dog Cheshire Grin.... But good on you that you let him know how you felt, that is courageous.

He does seem a bit inconsistent in what he says... Anyway, if you do find the book useful, by all means return yours and borrow his. He could have suggested this in the first place, rather than inciting you to buy a copy?! And again, good job for being proactive re your plan to see your old psychiatrist / a different counselor. Best of luck to you!