Can't call T

This is just a bad day all round. I've just woke up from nightmares, over and over dreaming about rage? Now i'm awake i can't really recall much, except the theme of the dreams, and i just feel sick and sleepy and upset.

It was an intense session in therapy today and i had a bad reaction when i came out, like numbness or something, i dunno.

And i feel like i need to speak to my T but can only do that if in crisis, and it's not exactly a crisis but i do feel really really awful. But at same time i really don't want to ask for help from her outside of session. I'm trying really hard not to contact her but i have no one else to talk to bout this. So i'm writing here in an attempt to self-soothe or something....

could you make another appointment for this week? An emergency appointment? I had one once and it did help.

i've considered it, i dunno it's a lot of out of pocket expense, maybe i just need to learn to deal with my s hit on my own.

I know it is expensive, but as a one time shot it could be worth it. I have only done it once in three years. It was one of the few times (possibly the only time) where the therapist was actually useful in a concrete and tangible way.
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Would it help to write more about it here? Was it the result of the art therapy?

That sounds like a very bad day. And even in the pain it seems like you are recognizing your need to self-soothe yourself and trying different things.

It sounds like you want to talk to her AND you don't want to contact her. Is that it? If so, can you talk to her in your head someway without contacting her? or does that not work?

it wasn't the result of what i drew or anything, just the content of the session. I made a post here earlier about it which prob explain more. Just an emotional session and came out feeling spacey.

If i feel as bad tomorrow i'll maybe see about another appointment. I feel stupid. But if anything triggers me it's nightmares. I don't know why.

You're right. I do want to talk to her, process what happened today in regards to the reaction i had but i really don't want to contact her because i'm stubborn and want to not need her and also i've only had 4 sessions with her so far i don't want to be contacting her or needing her so soon.

I could write it all down, but right now it's the middle of then night where i am and i'm barely functioning. Will try in the morning.

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You could write T a letter and mail it tomorrow. It is a form of contact, but not immediately requiring T's attention. Will take a couple days to get there and you will get a release. Plus, if you want to discuss it, it will be there next session.

I try to find alot of things to distract myself.
Hard to do... .

If you feel so bad in the morning I think you should call your T to talk or to schedule another appointment. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad!! It doesn't matter if it's only 4 sessions if you need her now. That's her job!

I would leave a voice mail that you're a little freaked out by the diagnosis, and if she could please call you back to talk about it for a few minutes, like what it meant for for life in the past, and now for the future, in 25 words or less! Your being upset is probably why most ts just say oh they dont like to put a label on people - it kinda takes the wind out of your sails. I'm really kinda surprised she just came out with it like that. If my t and i discussed it, I probably couldn't decide among the choices and we left it at that.

Sorry you don't feel good. I am new at this - my last two friends turned out to be not friends at all. I have a guy friend whose mother (much to his chagrin) told me he is very lonely. So it helps me when I am lonely or sad to remember that other people are going through it, too. I am not alone. And make sure your T also talks about positive things and goal setting! Sorry, I lost a lot of years of my life to therapists who just wanted to talk about whatever seemed to be up at the time.