couch 63 the fall line

Thanks Trdle!

Hey couch peeps....gotta run to an assignment, but I just wanted to check in. Feeling exhausted. Emergency assignments always catch me off guard, and it really takes a toll on me after a while. Very little sleep, and then assignments at all different times. Emergency last night til midnight....then had to be back at 5:45 AM until noon...then at a different location later in the day and now a night class at 7:30 PM. Tomorrow morning, an awards assembly early in the morning. Friday, all day at an elementary or middle school.

Group T didn't go so well for me. I pretty much shut down the entire session. I've been so emotionally charged lately - and I can't seem to handle it well. After the session, a group member did something really, really special and thoughtful. Will post about it later when I have more time. But it was so touching, and I don't know how to respond to it.

Be back later, peeps. Hope everyone's hanging in there....

Hi all. Just popping in briefly, my new AD is making me so drowsy so will have to ride it out. Keep dozing off, so can't even go to library to get new books, but just remembered I have some audio books on Itunes. Keep well all.

Congrats on the IV fluids!!! How exciting!

I actually DO need a root canal and crown. Turns out the crack went all the way to the root and the root has infection surrounding it. I have an abscess in my jaw under the root as well. The dentist commented that my pain threshold must be really high that I didn't really notice the abscess or the crack. I knew my jaw ached, but I thought it was just from gritting my teeth during the night.

I have started having flashbacks about some things, Ready, and I will say that memories are a mixed blessing at best. I do totally understand the desire to KNOW though.

Jersey, I feel your pain. I am having that same struggle. Hang in there and please don't leave!

Ugh! MKAC, root canal? That really stinks. Sorry.

trigger warning

I was watching that show iyanla fix my life....very touching show... Sort of like therapy...anyway it was this family of sister gospel singers who all had weight issues and 2 of the sisters had been been sa as older children by family members....while the show was touching... My sobbbing was not about them... But really not sure what it was about...

Once again the nominations go out for the R & R Hall of Fame and Warren is skipped over. I should be used to it by now. At least Paul Butterfield and Peter Gabriel were included this year.

MKAC - Ugh. Root canal and a crown - that sux. Multiple dentist visits and $$, never a fun thing. So the carrot did a good thing, like Wiki said....the infection could've gotten a lot worse had it not happened.

((( RTS ))) - I occasionally have a surge of emotions that I can't seem to connect to something specific, and I know how frustrating it is for me without having the context. Unfortunately, I also have many known experiences that stir up horrible feelings for me as well. I find that both are difficult to endure, so I can imagine the pain and the frustration that goes along with it.

OK, so, last week in group T, a male group member that I've grown closer to over the years (after it being a big struggle for the first year or so), wants to engage with my "five year old self", because he likes me and knows that my past trauma has closed off parts of me. He wants me to work through those old wounds so that more of my whole self can emerge in my relationship with him. I really struggled with how to respond to him because I'm not connected to "her". I can't even admit that "she" is a part of "me" (((( shudder ))))....and I told him that I'm not sure how to do that work, because all I can feel at the moment is hatred towards her.

I wasn't involved much in yesterday's group T session. However, at the end of this past session, we walked out of group and he said he had something for me in his car. He then gave me a picture of himself as a small child for me to keep, to help me towards bringing out that 5 year old girl. ((( sob ))) And then, we hugged.

I am so touched by it....and I feel so cared for. Yet, I still have no idea how to do that work. *sigh*

Goodnite everyone. Hope everyone has a better tomorrow.

Insomnia is just no fun....

MUE... I sometimes use a child pic of myself. And at first I hated her...so at first I would just look at the pic and say nice words but not mean them or not feel anything. Then eventually after some inner child work in therapy I was able to start feeling something while I said the words to my child self... Then after some more time, I was able to actually mean what I said..then I had an inner child connection experience during a session..and that helped. I'm still critical of little girl at times but am able to also feel sad for little jersey. It won't happen overnight. Took me about 3 years..

Popcorn is my tooth destroyer. I have cracked three molars on one of my favorite foods. I have (or had) those old fillings from the 60s which sort of help the teeth to break off in 4ths.

Just saying hi couch peeps.
Long day of work learning about the new health care stuff and then fixing someone else's accounting mess....
Have a good night... I am off to sleep.

Hi all. I slept all of two hours last night. Saw T this morning. He prescribed medication. I have told H that I may need meds for insomnia. He seems to be okay with that.

I'm sick. Wife is sick. Daughter is sick. Boss is sick. SIL is sick. SIL's H is sick.

You know you shouldn't drink the water when you visit under-developed countries CE.

I hope you all feel better soon!

(((Mast))) sorry you are going through such a rough time, hope the meds can be of help to you.

Mast and anybody else. And kisses too. I'm feeling quite affectionate tonight, so get it while lasts.

Get well soon, CE.
Thank you, healed! How's your day going?
((BPA)) *smooch*

Too early in the day to tell.. I have lunch monitor duty at d's school and marriage counseling later this afternoon. We'll see .

Good morning couch.

It's freaking early. Yawn. Have to work noon till 7.... I like it better when I start at 7 am and out by 5:30... But it is what it is today. I can use the morning and be productive and clean so I don't have to clean this weekend...or...I can sit here on the couch..decisions...decisions...lol

The retail therapy from earlier in The week has worn off and now I regret not going to T this week as I'm starting to feel a little heavy inside. Oh, well...that money was spent so I guess that shipped sailed. I can text or call whenever I want, which I text a few times a week at least..but I don't think she will appreciate a "Just want to say hi text" lol...so I think I will just refrain.

(((Jerz))) next week is coming up quickly!
(((MKAC))) - sorry about the root canal...ick.
(((Mast))) - hope the new meds help
(((BPA)))
(((CE)))
(((Ready))) emotions suck
(((MUE))) that's a sweet gesture.

I am piling all y'all into my pockets for my oncology visit today. Healthy snacks included. No loitering. Hands to yourselves. I should know quickly, as they always schedule my ONC visit for right after the scans. And my appt is always when a radiologist is on. Makes for a long day though...

I worked out for 45 min on land last night and then did a 45 interval training pool class. I am hitting it hard. I need to get strong. I do hate squats and lunges though...big time...but my trainer was saying I need to get balance back and strength in my core...so squats and lunges it is.

I just know it will be good news so I am bringing the celebratory stuff .love ya bunches