I sent t a text last night telling her I was in a crisis and upset because I found out that my partner had cheated. I haven't officially told t we had our last session yet so she is still my t. This is only the second time I ever contacted her in am emergency and this is the second time she had just ignored my cry for help. This confirms to me that t is no longer any good for me. I need someone to be there for me not ignore me.

[unaluna]

No testing allowed! Wouldn't you see right thru it, as a t yourself? You wouldn't allow yourself to give in to manipulation, it's not good for the t or the client. Reaching out to a t is really more of a skill to be developed, a strength, a coping mechanism. It needs to come from a secure base. Sounds like it's the gf who needs to be dumped, not the t. You can do this.

Yes t and girlfriend dumped! I am all alone in the world again.
T wrote back this morning, said I can do this and maybe I can.

[stopdog]

Is this a new partner or the old one(s) you left? What did you want the therapist to do? Do all of your partner's cheat?

Originally Posted by stopdog

Is this a new partner or the old one(s) you left? What did you want the therapist to do? Do all of your partner's cheat?

Yes all of my partners have cheated. This was my gf for last year. She was abusive and generally a horrible girlfriend but I didn't do anything to stop it, I thought she was faithful she told me she was getting help but I don't believe she was. I wanted t to make me feel better I suppose.

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Yes t and girlfriend dumped! I am all alone in the world again.
T wrote back this morning, said I can do this and maybe I can.

So your T didn't fail your test. She said you can do this. What is it you need to do for yourself so that you don't end up all alone in the world. Is leaving your T, who seems to have confidence in you, really a good decision at this point? (I don't remember the particulars, so perhaps there is a blatant problem there.) Or is this an avoidance? (Again, I don't know.)

[stopdog]

How could the therapist have helped you feel better? I am asking because it might have been more productive if you had asked her for something specific. I could be wrong.

She didn't fail the test, maybe I am wanting her to fail so it will make it easier to walk away from her! I really need her now perhaps now is not the best time for me to leave.
I don't know stopdog, usually she does make me feel better and I usually cope myself and make myself happy but this time I just needed her to be there

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

She didn't fail the test, maybe I am wanting her to fail so it will make it easier to walk away from her! I really need her now perhaps now is not the best time for me to leave.
I don't know stopdog, usually she does make me feel better and I usually cope myself and make myself happy but this time I just needed her to be there

Then why are you quitting therapy with her?

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

She didn't fail the test, maybe I am wanting her to fail so it will make it easier to walk away from her! I really need her now perhaps now is not the best time for me to leave.

Are you walking away or are you running away? Might be an important answer.

[doyoutrustme]

Why would you so deliberately lie? I can't wrap my head around this one.

I didn't lie??????

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

Are you walking away or are you running away? Might be an important answer.

I think I am running away and I am leaving therapy with her because we have some issues. Answering her phone in sessions, dismissing what I say. Talking about what she wants to talk about...etc but partly this is my fault because I never say anything to her about it all.

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I think I am running away and I am leaving therapy with her because we have some issues. Answering her phone in sessions, dismissing what I say. Talking about what she wants to talk about...etc but partly this is my fault because I never say anything to her about it all.

Sounds like you may need to work on assertiveness a bit. Have you asked your T to please turn off her phone before your session begins? If you have and she refuses without good reason, that would be her issue. But if you haven't established that boundary with her, that is something you could do to fix that problem. If you aren't speaking up in session about what you need to talk about, perhaps you could go in with a list or a journal and see if that would direct the session in your needed direction. It is okay to speak up for yourself and advocate for what you need from your therapist. That would be an important conversation to have.

Have you considered telling her you are considering leaving her? Perhaps you could go with a list, not of complaints, but of your needs and discuss this with her.

[Nerak67]

Does this have something to do with the gf also? You feel like you should have left that relationship because of how you were treated so now you are going to leave t like you should have left gf? I don't know if that made sense.

[blur]

Your T has been really inconsistent with boundaries and insensitive with you. I think you will definitely be better off with a more professional T. I know she is sometimes helpful too which makes things even more confusing. If you aren't sure about leaving you can always start looking at new Ts now while you are deciding whether or not to stay. Unfortunately it isn't surprising your last bad T's supervisor, your current T, is also not a good T. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree sadly. Are you going to look for a client centered T? It sounds like that is the type of T you would like from things you've said. While there are no perfect Ts there are good ones out there and you can find a good one. You deserve a T that is professional and competent. Please don't shortchange yourself.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Nerak67

Does this have something to do with the gf also? You feel like you should have left that relationship because of how you were treated so now you are going to leave t like you should have left gf? I don't know if that made sense.

That makes sense. The Buddhists say, how you do anything is how you do everything. If you're sloppy on a small job, you'll be sloppy on a big important job. But if you're careful and meticulous on a small job, people feel they can trust you with a bigger one. If you can be assertive with one person, you can be assertive with anyone - or else maybe you let the other person decide how things are going to be.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I think I am running away and I am leaving therapy with her because we have some issues. Answering her phone in sessions, dismissing what I say. Talking about what she wants to talk about...etc but partly this is my fault because I never say anything to her about it all.

you are NOT running away, you are recognising that you need more than what she can give. You are finally standing up for yourself and not accepting a crap service. She knows fine answering her phone is sessions and talking about herself is an absolute no-no Mona, it's not your job to make sure she sticks to the very basic of ethics. Don't talk yourself out of taking affirmative action. Get yourself a decent T who cares enough to put you at the centre of the relationship.

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

Sounds like you may need to work on assertiveness a bit. Have you asked your T to please turn off her phone before your session begins? If you have and she refuses without good reason, that would be her issue. But if you haven't established that boundary with her, that is something you could do to fix that problem. If you aren't speaking up in session about what you need to talk about, perhaps you could go in with a list or a journal and see if that would direct the session in your needed direction. It is okay to speak up for yourself and advocate for what you need from your therapist. That would be an important conversation to have.

Have you considered telling her you are considering leaving her? Perhaps you could go with a list, not of complaints, but of your needs and discuss this with her.

Ahhhh Assertiveness: a word I hate and avoid at all costs.
I do sometimes have a list of things ready to talk about but t always manages to get back to what SHE feels is important. I didn't want to tell her I was leaving because it would upset her and she has been very good to me in other ways and apart from these things she is an excellent t.

Originally Posted by Nerak67

Does this have something to do with the gf also? You feel like you should have left that relationship because of how you were treated so now you are going to leave t like you should have left gf? I don't know if that made sense.

It makes perfect sense and you could be right. I felt betrayed by my ex, made a fool of and I feel t is doing the same sometimes. Taking advantage of my good nature. maybe I have finally decided not to be treated badly by anyone anymore.

Originally Posted by blur

Your T has been really inconsistent with boundaries and insensitive with you. I think you will definitely be better off with a more professional T. I know she is sometimes helpful too which makes things even more confusing. If you aren't sure about leaving you can always start looking at new Ts now while you are deciding whether or not to stay. Unfortunately it isn't surprising your last bad T's supervisor, your current T, is also not a good T. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree sadly. Are you going to look for a client centered T? It sounds like that is the type of T you would like from things you've said. While there are no perfect Ts there are good ones out there and you can find a good one. You deserve a T that is professional and competent. Please don't shortchange yourself.

Yes, you are right blur. It was almost like she was wanting to create transference and an independance on her from the start. I want to go back to my old t now though. I don't know why but I feel like I need to go back to her. I think she handled me all wrong but as t was her supervisor at the time maybe t was to blame for my abrupt termination. This also annoys me about t, I feel like she has lied to me from the start. I wish she would just tell me she was old ts supervisor.
I hope I can find a good one, my tutor at the moment is purely client centered and she lovely- she keeps stressing how the relationship is the most important part of this therapy so maybe it would be good for me.

Originally Posted by hankster

That makes sense. The Buddhists say, how you do anything is how you do everything. If you're sloppy on a small job, you'll be sloppy on a big important job. But if you're careful and meticulous on a small job, people feel they can trust you with a bigger one. If you can be assertive with one person, you can be assertive with anyone - or else maybe you let the other person decide how things are going to be.

Thanks Hanster ,ales perfect sense as always.

Originally Posted by Asiablue

you are NOT running away, you are recognising that you need more than what she can give. You are finally standing up for yourself and not accepting a crap service. She knows fine answering her phone is sessions and talking about herself is an absolute no-no Mona, it's not your job to make sure she sticks to the very basic of ethics. Don't talk yourself out of taking affirmative action. Get yourself a decent T who cares enough to put you at the centre of the relationship.

I need a decent t so badly to get my trust back. I think I am slowly losing some respect for therapists and the proffession but that is only my view as of my experience.