"you choose to be depressed and miserable, it's an excuse to not do things"

Is there choice in being depressed for some yes. I think its more you choose what to do with it is the intent. Being disabled is not my choice but getting up, walking, going to therapy, pushing my muscles and holding my job is my choice. I can wallow about my diagnosis both mental and physical and stay miserable or I can punch it in the gut. Yes. There is choice.

I completely agree with this. I'm guessing this is what the therapist was going for (maybe?), but her delivery sucked.

I have never chosen to become depressed. I don't think people do that at all. But I know from personal experience that I chose to do things that exacerbated my depressive illness, like isolate, eat poorly, become completely sedentary, etc. I chose not to do things that would have helped, like maintain contact with the healthy people and activities in my life, take care of myself physically,etc., partly because it was so hard to find the energy and motivation to do anything, partly because it was scary to try and perhaps fail.

We do make choices (often entirely unconsciously but choices nonetheless) about how we treat ourselves, and the consequences can certainly keep us stuck, but getting to the point where we can finally put one foot in front of the other can take time and very hard work and the determination to motivate ourselves when we really aren't feeling the motivation. Really tough work.

This T's delivery of that kind of information (if that was what she was going for) was horrible and unhelpful though. That is no way to approach a client or in any way helpful.

You might inquire (politely, quietly) why she has chosen a therapy style involving dismissal, non-engagement, and giving up? *smiling sweetly*

I'm not merely being sarcastic. It's something she might benefit from contemplating.

Exactly you have choices as to what to do about certain situations but depression itself is not a choice. I'm sure we don't like feeling sad and would rather feel happy. I don't think people just make it a choice to be sad. Something's going on inside to make the sadness feeling.
Seeking help..ie therapy is making a choice to do something about depression. This comment that was made hit a nerve with me. I spent my whole life suppresing my emotions and shutting down because of stupid comments like this. I faked being happy and smiling even though I was miserable inside. I went through horrible experiences...when I had no choices. I chose to shut myself down and pretend to be someone i was not. Now I'm learning to honor ALL my feelings in order to achieve feeling happiness. There are ways of expressing ourselves appropriately. This person is supposed to be a proffesional. Anybody can say whatever they want and express their opinion but this person should not have said this in my opinion.
You deserve a place in life just like all of us do. What your feeling now is not going to last forever if you work through it. Please know there is hope. I relate to your words of questioning your existence because I still question mine sometimes but thankfully I have a good therapist. I have no family as i aged out of foster care and friends were unable to understand me. That's why i sought therapy. Because i had nobody to tell me, hey what you're feeling is normal for what you've gone through. I've learned that life can be whole and that there is hope for achieving happiness but i have to work through the things that keep me from this. I have to break old beliefs. I almost feel like i just have to re-learn everything because the life I've known is not how life is. This is where choice comes in. I just don't understand this comment, it sounds cruel to me. And unfair. I do not know what your situation is, all i can say is please don't let this hinder your journey. You are important, you matter and you deserve to be happy.
p.s.
I'm sorry if i sound like a jerk. I think i was triggered severely by this. My therapist once told me that the rule of therapy is to "do no harm." It took a lot for me to get help and i can't even imagine what would've happened if this comment would've been directed at me. I feel sad for the poster because i know what it feels like to be invalidated.

Great reply.

As far as everything else. Yeah we do not choose to have depression. We can choose to overcome it. Such as go to a therapist. To learn coping skills. Taking baby steps. Not to have accusations thrown at us.

I don't know how I would have reacted. Would have been mood dependent.

If I had been in a depressed mood, I probably would have left in tears. If my ups... she would have gotten an earful.

In any case, she is in the wrong field. I'm sorry you had to put up with her, and am very glad that you only have one more session with her. I have a lot of words to describe T's like that, but none of them are nice. So, I'll try to refrain from typing them.

My T says the same things to me; she says its a resistance to change and grow.

My first attempt at therapy went similarly, the man kept telling me what he wanted me to tell him. It took me about 10 minutes to get sufficiently angry enough to tell him to go to he11 and get up and storm out. They really don't know how bad they are sometimes do they?! I'm sorry you had to sit there and hear that.

How have I missed that? Awesome! I chose to be depressed and drag myself into painful therapy AND pay a SHITLOAD of money in meds that my insurance won't cover! So I'll just un-choose it, right?
*epic facepalm to your T* and a warm hug to you.

I would run but not before I had a name for her supervisor. Funny if we can " choose" to not be depressed they are out of a job anyway. A no win and someone should stop this person before she takes on more clients.

agree. Badly said, but we sometimes do indeed chose to stay where we are cause we are scared to get out.

I personally admit that I sometimes do look for excuses not to "live". It's maybe self-boycotting. Maybe fear of what may be (Dido in her Life for Rent sang " While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try"... for me it's been the case too many times).

So regardless of the harsh tone... maybe it's something to explore. "Chose" is a clumsily chosen word... but maybe for lack of alternative. We often "chose" subconsciously, or because acquired bad habits, or simply because we don't know better...

I am appalled, too, by that therapist's behavior, but I do know that it's a real blessing and helps with managing illness when you can push thru depression. But it's unbearably real and not an excuse!!!

ha ha ha, mice!!!

very well said, for sure!

good one, that!!!!!

sometimes we feel as if we don't have the strength to manage the depression, as it takes a lot of energy and work, tho well worth it. And of course, we react to events and triggers, and that is something else, as well. It's a constant challenge, usually, I find.

awesome and eloquent, Roadie!!!!!!

She and that sucks. Just hang in there, and when the opportunity presents itself, get yourself a therapist with manners.

Please complain about this so-called T to whoever is running her internship.

Maybe some people become attached to depression and lack the agency and self-confidence to find their way out of it, but that's not a choice.

Yeah, I've been told stg similar by my 1st (and for a long time only) T. It's supposed to be empowering. IDK, maybe it works for some ppl but this kind of attitude nearly destroyed me. I was depressed, having flashbacks/nightmares and I thought it was all my fault. If I just pushed harder... like I needed another reason to hate myself. Ended up doing tons of self-destructing behaviour in order to "cure" myself.

Depression isn't a choice, choosing to get help and change is a choice. She really should of worded that differently if she was trying to be constructive in any way. I would talk to her though about what she ment by that maybe she was trying to say something else but worded it wrong, because I don't know why else a therapist would say something as ignorant as that if they are basically trained to deal with these things, I would talk it out, you should let your feelings be known. Plus maybe your therapist will learn not to make that mistake with anyone else.

good thoughts here if you are up to it, and seeing her again. The best!

Not necessarily a free choice. But yes, it's a choice we make on an unconscious level.

If I were in a confident frame of mind, I might find it very interesting to explore this. I might ask her to tell me more about how depression is a choice. Let her do the talking. You can find out about people that way -- sometimes it can be illuminating, even funny. Just keep your opinions to yourself.

I hope you fill out a 'customer satisfaction' form and tell the she flunked and needs to repeat Therapy 101 class. No one chooses to be depressed. Depression causes people to self-isolate and one if the #1 symptoms is lack of interest in 'doing things'. And depression is Not the client's 'fault'! eeegads. She sounds like a genius.