I did it again

Fuzzybear · Oct 21, 2013, 07:04 AM

I'm in my cave right now, but hoping things go ok with the T, keep us updated

if he's a good T he'll handle the transference without shaming you.. Whatever his orientation.

so if he doesn't.... Maybe it's time to find a different T

and maybe you could nurture your "little girl" (?)

ultramar · Oct 21, 2013, 09:16 PM

My guess is he is not going to respond before my appointment on Wednesday. It is killing me. I didn't even sleep last night. It still blows my mind how crazy this stuff makes me. I am not going to contact him again although it is hard.

I think precisely because it upsets you so much, might be a good reason to hold off on e-mail, at least until you feel more secure with him and have cleared up issues surrounding e-mail in your therapy.

You seem to be testing him in a way, first with the book e-mail and now with this --unsure if it's okay to e-mail like this is the first place, unsure what he thinks about it, how it makes him think about you. You seem to be expecting the answers to your questions (am I being too needy, do you care, what do you think of me) by asking them very indirectly. Maybe he's not responding to some things because he's waiting for you to ask him in session.

As you can see, I'm big on direct approaches!

In your case, it would be asking him directly what he thinks about sending e-mails between sessions, what kind of content does he think is beneficial and not beneficial, what kind of expectations you can have as far as responses (when and what). And expressing to him that you need reassurance and why --sending him an e-mail full of self-loathing is a way of asking for reassurance, but I think if you're more direct with him, and express to him what you want and need, the anxiety will lesson, and you may well end up feeling far more reassured and secure in the end.

I've seen this road before here. Expectations that don't correspond with those of the therapist, asking for reassurance in surreptitious ways.. And I've seen it lead to e-mail spirals, shame spirals, anger at the therapist for not fulfilling expectations and/or needs, and ruptures.

I'd suggest coming into your next session with the topic of e-mails and go from there. Ask all the questions you need to, share your needs and expectations, and let him know how much pain and anxiety this has been causing you. I think it would really help you and your therapist will likely be impressed by your courage and candor (I know it's not easy!)

Nerak67 · Oct 21, 2013, 11:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ultramar

My guess is he is not going to respond before my appointment on Wednesday. It is killing me. I didn't even sleep last night. It still blows my mind how crazy this stuff makes me. I am not going to contact him again although it is hard.

I think precisely because it upsets you so much, might be a good reason to hold off on e-mail, at least until you feel more secure with him and have cleared up issues surrounding e-mail in your therapy.

You seem to be testing him in a way, first with the book e-mail and now with this --unsure if it's okay to e-mail like this is the first place, unsure what he thinks about it, how it makes him think about you. You seem to be expecting the answers to your questions (am I being too needy, do you care, what do you think of me) by asking them very indirectly. Maybe he's not responding to some things because he's waiting for you to ask him in session.

As you can see, I'm big on direct approaches!

In your case, it would be asking him directly what he thinks about sending e-mails between sessions, what kind of content does he think is beneficial and not beneficial, what kind of expectations you can have as far as responses (when and what). And expressing to him that you need reassurance and why --sending him an e-mail full of self-loathing is a way of asking for reassurance, but I think if you're more direct with him, and express to him what you want and need, the anxiety will lesson, and you may well end up feeling far more reassured and secure in the end.

I've seen this road before here. Expectations that don't correspond with those of the therapist, asking for reassurance in surreptitious ways.. And I've seen it lead to e-mail spirals, shame spirals, anger at the therapist for not fulfilling expectations and/or needs, and ruptures.

I'd suggest coming into your next session with the topic of e-mails and go from there. Ask all the questions you need to, share your needs and expectations, and let him know how much pain and anxiety this has been causing you. I think it would really help you and your therapist will likely be impressed by your courage and candor (I know it's not easy!)

Wow. Everything you say is true. He definitely isn't easily manipulated! I don't want to be that type of person anyway. I will try to be upfront about it. It is just so much easier for me to communicate in email than in person because of my social anxiety. Thanks for your advice. You nailed it.

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