[rainboots87]

I used to read threads on here and wonder how people had Ts who didn't show up for a scheduled appointment without any notice, but it happened to me last week.

I left work early (as per my arrangement to due so every other week), drove across town in bad traffic and waited. I left my phone at home that morning before work and had no way to reach T. I see her at an office where she rents a room from another T for one or two days a week, so I knew no one there would have my T's number (plus they were all in session).

At first I thought there might be an accident or a lot of traffic. I decided to wait up to 15 minutes past the session start time and she never came. I could feel my insecurities rising up and the tears welling up as I drove home back across town to grab a few things before leaving town as planned. I thought that I wasn't important to her, that she just forgot me, that I don't matter, etc. But, I also considered that maybe something happened and she tried to reach me or that she couldn't.

When I made it back home to my phone (with no messages), I really began to feel upset and texted her about it. She replied that she was so sorry and that she and her whole family had been sick all week and she forgot (since we don't meet every week). I felt upset about it, but understood and after a little wallowing, I got ready and hit the road.

I am really proud of how I handled the situation. I was able to talk myself out of reading more into it. I felt pretty hurt, acknowledged that, felt it, and was able to move on and enjoy my weekend. I know that a year or two ago, something like this would have unraveled me. I will say that I do feel a little lost trust in my T, and I know that we can discuss it and work through it. I'm not thrilled with going through this situation, but I am so happy with how much I've grown

[ar2004]

Wow this is an unusual situation. You would think your T would have thought to check her schedule and get everyone called whom she was supposed to see. I remember the 3rd time I saw my T and it was during the day instead of late afternoon like usual. It was 20 minutes after our scheduled time before she came to the waiting area with huge apologies for running late. Since then she's been late most every time but not that long. I know I was starting to wonder if she forgot about me or if I had the wrong appointment time on the day she was really late. I think it is pretty normal for T's to run 5-10 minutes behind, kind of like doctor offices. They may have sessions that go over, phone calls that take longer than expected, and then need to review their notes before the client comes in.

[elaygee]

I know when I was sick a few weeks ago I could barely recall my own name. Theres a wicked bug around here. In that instance I could totally forget spacing on an every other week appointment. But even with understanding why it happened, kudos to you for being mature and empathetic about. Many couldnt do that. It sounds like you recognize your own true progress. That rocks.

Wow you handled that so well rainbow boots. You have my admiration. My t forgot about me last year and I was devastated - I read too much into it and ended up terminating her. After a few emails back and forth we came around and realised it was a mistake! I still list a little faith in her though.
I do think it is very irresponsible of a t not to check her schedule though, sick or not sick. If we didn't show up we would still get charged. T did offer me a free session next time.

[feralkittymom]

This could be a really valuable experience in your T relationship. Of course, it was uncomfortable for you, but you were able to experience your growth. Going forward it doesn't have to involve a loss of trust; you may be able to settle with it enough that you can extend a space of trust/acceptance to your T-- trust in her apology, her regard for you, her human fallibility. You accept her as she is. As she has accepted you.

[Asiablue]

I love when i react in a healthier way to something and i suddenly realise that therapy IS actually working. Your reaction is a sign of good work being done, happy times!

[unlockingsanity]

Don't all therapists have a schedule book? I never understand how these things happen.

[rainboots87]

Thanks guys. She also works in two offices. She has a main job at the university and sees just a couple people at this office, so that probably complicated things with informing clients. Interestingly enough, I found out today that I made a (minor) mistake with one of the kids I mentor and am much more distraught about that than I am about my T messing up with me. Ugh, still upset with myself about that. Thanks for the support <3

[Perna]

I think it is really great you worked your way through that mess. I know I had mini-tests like that with T; she worked in another's office a long way from either of our homes and the office building started having break-ins so the therapists would lock the front door leading to the waiting room if they were in the office by themselves. It was an upstairs, townhouse office and I'd get up this long set of stairs to a locked door (do doorbell or anything) and wonder what to do It often would take me quite some time to get the nerve to knock, to be allowed in, to be "wanted". What if they never came, didn't hear? This happened 2-3 times too and my T (or the other T) would apologize profusely and intellectually I understood but if was a hard thing to go through, the being sure you were not sure if you were wanted. . .

[doyoutrustme]

Originally Posted by unlockingsanity

Don't all therapists have a schedule book? I never understand how these things happen.

They're human.

Not that that's an excuse! :-)

My T once missed my appointment. I hung on to the anger for a long while before talking about it. I concluded that I was still mad and did not forgive. I still go though.

[tinyrabbit]

Ts may be human, but they need to have procedures in place for if they get sick so someone can inform their clients.

I'm sorry but I'm not sure I could stick with this T - they would have to work VERY hard to make it up to me.

[rainboots87]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

Ts may be human, but they need to have procedures in place for if they get sick so someone can inform their clients.

I'm sorry but I'm not sure I could stick with this T - they would have to work VERY hard to make it up to me.

This is someone I worked with for a year of individual and group therapy 2007-2008, and she is a major factor in why I now longer have an eating disorder. I recently started working with her again, and she's never made a mistake like this before, so I'm willing to look past it. I'll certainly discuss it with her, but I know this was really out-of-character for her. I know we all make mistakes, so I'm just trying to move on from here.