[Butterflying]

My T just doesn't want me to text or email and he definitely doesn't want to write back, especially if its therapy by email or text. I wrote him anyway when my husband and mom died--he answered but very short. I ignored that he didnt want texts or emails because I thought it would be an exception because to me it was a crisis. I thought he would be ok with it but he wasn't. It didnt matter.

Ever since he's increased his case load (he said he wanted to make more money) he has been grumpy etc. maybe that's why he doesn't want to spend time answering mail.

What do u guys think?

[Nerak67]

Some ts just view their job as the 50 minute session you pay for and don't want to extend beyond that. It seems a lot of people on here have ts that are a lot more open than that but yours doesn't seem to be. I think you either have to accept that is what you are going to get from him or if you need more find a new t. I struggle with the boundaries too.

[eskielover]

I wouldn't tolerate a T that was like that.....even my not so good psychologists in the past let me call in emergency situations when I was struggling.

Now I very seldom call....think it's only been 2 times in the last 3 years....so they know when I call it's something important.....it's a community care group so if you call after hours, I don't know who or what you get.....but I know that when I call during the day, they have always called back....& that was both my psychologist & the psychologist that is the leader of my DBT group....they care & they want to help talk to you when something serious is going on in our lives......they can't fix it but help remind us of the skills we need to use to help us get through the difficult time.......& just want to validate that they do understand what we are going through.....that is the most important most of the time...just knowing that they care & want to be a support.

The fact that T shared with you the increased work load for monetary gain is bizarre. If after hour contact is important perhaps you have the wrong T. At minimum I'd discuss what constitutes an emergency in T's book and what you would construe as support needed.

[doyoutrustme]

Judging by this post alone... it doesn't sound good.

Can you try to have a frank discussion? There are definatly warmer people out there. Plus, if my T straight up said they were looking to make more money/increasing their caseload, I would find that tacky- I personally like to pretend my T has no other clients. Because for those 50 minutes, they don't and they shouldn't make you feel like an appointment, rather than, a person.

[ultramar]

Butterflying, it seems e-mailing and texting boundaries have been an issue for a long time now. You posted a couple of times back in 2010 about e-mailing much in the same way you've posted more recently (I mean before your husband passed away) about texting. In short, he doesn't allow it, he considers it therapy by e-mail/text and not helpful for you. You said back in 2010 as you have said more recently, that it's very hard for you to keep to this boundary, and e-mail (and text) anyway.

I can understand why you would expect these parameters to change now considering the terrible events you've recently been through. But it sounds like he's been pretty clear and consistent on not making exceptions, but you've continued to fight it (and continue sending e-mails). It sounds like a fight that you will continually lose -it may be time for a new therapist.

My understanding is that he's been working on coping skills with you for some years now, and specifically what you can do when you get the urge to contact between sessions. Obviously, at the moment, I can see why the usual coping strategies may not be working considering what you're going through.

Overall, though, it sounds like the one session a week just isn't enough. I think you said you've been through DBT group before, but would you consider doing it again? You would have the support of the actual group, plus I understand you can call someone in between to help you with skills? (not sure how that works if you have a separate therapist). Or maybe some other type of group therapy format could help.

As far as the comment about taking on more clients because he needs the money --my therapist told me (this was in the context of scheduling changes) that his department at the hospital (hospital-based clinic) was lowering everyone's salaries and that he may be taking on more private clients. I don't see the big deal, but that's me. In any case, context is everything.

It sounds, though, that you're generally very dissatisfied with the therapy and the therapist. So as hard as it would be -I know you've been with him for a long time- you could search for a different one. Depending on the patient, many therapists don't like much out of session contact, especially if there are boundary issues, but maybe you could at least find someone more nurturing and supportive. It sounds like it's not working out with this one, or not anymore.

Best of luck.

[Nerak67]

I too pushed my ts boundaries and it ruined our relationship because she just ended up hostile and resentful toward me. It seems like your t may be responding the same way. I ended up terminating because the resentment I was getting from her was very damaging to me because of my strong transference. I did have another t I was already seeing otherwise the cut would have been much harder. I recommend you try to find someone else because it isn't healthy to have a relationship where your t is angry with you.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this at the same time as your other losses. That is really tough.

[tinyrabbit]

I think you should try another T.

[Fuzzybear]

I think you should fire him and look for another T

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Butterflying

My T just doesn't want me to text or email and he definitely doesn't want to write back, especially if its therapy by email or text. I wrote him anyway when my husband and mom died--he answered but very short. I ignored that he didnt want texts or emails because I thought it would be an exception because to me it was a crisis. I thought he would be ok with it but he wasn't. It didnt matter.

Ever since he's increased his case load (he said he wanted to make more money) he has been grumpy etc. maybe that's why he doesn't want to spend time answering mail.

What do u guys think?

my therapist even though she is in private practice, no one else opens her emails she does not email or text her clients and does not accept any from her clients. this is because of lack of confidentiality.

example I have gmail (google chrome) when I write an email it first goes through goggle chrome/gmail. that means anyone of the thousands of people who manage the emial accounts for google chrome/gmail can at any point read any email I send and receive.

my therapist has a great analogy for email.. she doesnt use post cards..lol meaning emailing and texting is identical to sending an un enveloped post card through the US mail....everyone can see the nice pictures and read the short letters on the backs. and sometimes gets misdirected to other peoples mail boxes.

I now actually prefer seeing someone, my therapist or anyone, in person or calling them on the phone rather than emailing and texting. much more confidential and private, no one knows my business (accidentally or purposely) other than my therapist.

Why is your T sharing with you his need to earn more money? Or is that a slant on the thread to get a certain support? You can find a T that is willing to engage in outside hrs