No out of session contact

Nov 26, 2013, 06:31 PM

I just started with a new t about six weeks ago and when we were talking in session yesterday...he said "I would prefer it if you would send me a text saying this session upset me this way or for this reason and I'd like to discuss it next session." I just smiled and nodded but in my head I was like ummm...I don't have a cell number for you....

I was provided an office number with a voicemailbox to leave messages if I need to cancel.

archipelago · Nov 26, 2013, 06:44 PM

It depends on the individual therapist most likely and both their views/approaches and their own personal life demands. With one shrink, I really only had access to a service in case of crisis. He was good about calling back and didn't seem to mind.

With my current shrink, he likes the contact, but he limits it to a brief response. If it goes longer, then I have agreed that he can charge me, which is only fair. Since the therapy we do includes being honest and self-disclosing, he lets me know what is going on with him so I know whether or not the timing is appropriate. Over time this out of session experience has taught me a lot because I have learned that he is a human being after all with his own life and things to deal with so the relationship has become more real, which has had all kinds of benefits.

stopdog · Nov 26, 2013, 06:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Readytostop

I just started with a new t about six weeks ago and when we were talking in session yesterday...he said "I would prefer it if you would send me a text saying this session upset me this way or for this reason and I'd like to discuss it next session." I just smiled and nodded but in my head I was like ummm...I don't have a cell number for you....

I was provided an office number with a voicemailbox to leave messages if I need to cancel.

Why not just tell the guy you don't have any way to text him and see what he says?

stopdog · Nov 26, 2013, 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by archipelago

It depends on the individual therapist most likely and both their views/approaches and their own personal life demands.

I think it also depends on the client. I saw one therapist who would just contact me out of the blue. I hated it. I have a life too and I don't want the therapist interrupting it at will.

archipelago · Nov 26, 2013, 06:54 PM

Yes, of course. I was just kinda assuming that. My therapists have all had good boundaries and been very clear about the professional nature of the relationship, but I guess not all therapists are clear about things as I'm finding out more and more.

Puglife · Nov 26, 2013, 07:46 PM

With my personal T our emails have mostly been about scheduling. Although I will send him an email saying I'm having a major anxiety and need to schedule an appointment and he gets back to me right away. He also sent an email saying he was proud of me after a very intense session.

My young child sees a T and he highly encourages me to contact him by text or email between sessions. He wants follow-ups to certain activities that my child was scheduled for to know how it went. I will also occasionally send an email asking him for parenting advice, but I try to keep it to a minimum and only if I need an answer before the next session.

Lauliza · Nov 26, 2013, 10:31 PM

Ok I apologize for making assumptions because of course every situation is different. I've called mine at his office when I'm struggling (maybe once or twice a year) and he'll always return my call- during office hours. So email between sessions during office hours or even shortly before or after is not what I'm talking about. I've found it helpful with my sons provider since he doesn't see her much and she likes to be updated. I'm referring to more sporadic on demand contact that, to me, teeters on personal. Part of therapy, especially with PD, is learning self soothing and coping skills. Learning that people who are helpful and caring still can't be there for you every time you need them, even if you think its important enough. And it's wise to for a T to apply the same rules to most patients (as always depending on the context), if anything for balance. It is a profession after all, a very unique and special one but still a profession.

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Raindropvampire · Nov 26, 2013, 10:40 PM

My T encourages emails and phone calls etc. if I need help between sessions. I just choose not to. I don't really have a reason other than I prefer face to face contact.

growlithing · Nov 26, 2013, 11:11 PM

My T just decided today to allow me to contact her outside this program after I eventually fully discharge. She gave me her cell number and email and said she wants me to call if I'm having a crisis and I think we'll set up something for regular emails. She said she doesn't want me to leave me with absolutely no professional help for the inescapable few weeks gap I have in my treatment plan caused by my parents being obnoxious. I'm a little bit nervous about that because I don't want to be overly clingy but then again, I sat outside her office for two hours panicking and completely melting down today so I don't really know how much more clingy I could get.

learning1 · Nov 26, 2013, 11:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lamplighter

Learning, good questions and thanks! And I love that you've had Ts who've offered out of session contact per se, no strings attached - and while you might not have felt comfortable enough with them initially, as you say, the offer itself means something positive.

Unfortunately I have spoken with T about this - several times - his way of explaining it is that during the hour we are together, he is totally there for me, in his words 'anything goes', but the trade off for that willingness to be totally present and accept whatever I bring in (anger included - which is important to me) is his keeping the rest of his life quite separate from therapy. I do get that and hope that in the long run making do with the one (miserable not enough hardly conducive to attaching lol) hour a week will be therapeutic in its own way.

He certainly is worth staying with, and I suppose he's good (compared to the umpteen previous Ts I've seen) precisely because he has this sort of boundary? I am working subtlely on getting a second weekly session, but I think I'm on a hiding to nothing there too

.

I also hear your very good suggestion of talking to him about my feelings about this, that's sort of on my 'list of difficult things I ought to but don't want to bring up in therapy'. Opens up big cans of worms

Skyblue, I know I'd feel like you do here, but as I don't have that option, I need to find a way to live with it and get the most from therapy despite really wanting that.

Thanks everyone for your comments on this thread, it's been really helpful and very interesting

Well, that's too bad he's so adamant about no out of session contact, but sounds like you have reasons you feel he's worth the trade off, so that's good. I don't know what I think about telling him how you feel about it since he's so clear about what he won't do. If you talked about how you feel, I hope he wouldn't make you feel like you're wrong for wanting more. I hope he'd acknowledge that it's his personal issue and that other therapists are able to legitimately handle out of session contact, but he just doesn't have the personality/lifestyle/energy/whatever for it.

Nov 27, 2013, 09:42 PM

I wanted to clarify that my keeping in touch outside of appointments is still within business hours. I use the crisis line or wait it out otherwise. I guess I wasn't very clear. I don't have a cell number or e-mail.

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