How many of you have read your own file?

The other thread got me wondering....how many of you have read your own therapy file? If you have, what was the most interesting thing about it? Do you think it helped you in any way to have read your file? Just curious...

I've thought about doing... but I haven't... slightly scared to ask to do so I guess lol

I want to...I've been to about 3 different Ts and I was hospitalized once and I am really curious...but I guess I am just kind of scared to request my file. dunno. still want to...lol

I have in the past....I wanted to see what they were writing about me. I got the files from several therapists and sat there and read them in a couple of days. I found out one therapist was waaaaaaaaaaaaaay off in his thinking. Granted he was cute but I'm glad now that I didn't continue therapy with him. The other stuff was pretty much right on the money. I just was curious to see what they thought.

Jbug

I have. From one hospital stay. Of course, I wasn't stable enough at the time to do it, but did it anyway. Wasn't such a good idea. I couldn't and didn't handle it very well. I had not given myself enough time to digest all that was happening at the time - just out of hospital, newly diagnosed with mental illness (depression, initially), etc. My doctor did warn me ahead of time...

It was not the diagnosis so much as reading a totally objective view of my behaviours, thinking patterns, etc. Since I was not yet truly aware of my behaviours, I was appalled at what/how my doctors thought about me. Of course, I took it very personally, denied it, and blew it off.

Needless to say, it slowed my recovery - I did not return to counselling for 2 years (and was completely f***** by that point).

I am in a place now that I will be requesting my file from a therapist that I saw for 5+ years. During that time, I never once asked him what he thought my diagnosis was. It was when it came time to part ways (he retired) that I asked for his opinion. By delaying my desire to know what was wrong with me, I think I allowed myself to be as real as possible (without preconceived ideas that I fit into any one category which could have/would have altered my behaviours), which, in turn, allowed him time to properly diagnose my illness. That is when I found out that my patterns fit neatly into a BPD diagnosis - and I agreed, because it finally felt like the right one this time.

The rush we feel to be put into the right category, may at times, rush the therapist to provide some sort of answer, even if they may not yet have all the facts. (For instance, depression was always the number one diagnosis for me, but no drug therapy or talk therapy helped. Depression was NOT my main illness - only one of the many symptoms experienced by borderlines). There was no way a therapist could have diagnosed BPD without extensive analysis of my current behavioural patterns and my background.

Now I treat the borderline symptoms, and don't worry so much about the depression part, because I have been able to identify that my depression comes only when I am having difficulty with BPD symptoms.

If I are new to therapy, I would wait awhile. If you are already unstable (not saying you are - don't know you...) or even feeling anxious or depressed, I would again, wait until you are more confident about yourself.

Oh, but the curiosity....

Altered State

how do you go about it anyway? everytime i has switched ts, they have gotten my records from the previous. so, do i only need to go to the last place i went to? do you just ask and they give it to you or do you have to wait for it?

It's good that you have had your files transferred consistently from one T to another. It makes this process so much easier, and cheaper.

Usually, all you are required to do is to provide a written request for your file. (Make sure to note you want the WHOLE file). There may be a charge associated with this (my doc charged me something like 25 cents/page). This is Canadian law, by the way (the releasing of medical info.) It may be different in the U.S., depending on your circumstances at the moment.

Overall, it shouldn't be too difficult an exercise to obtain this information.

AS

I agree that the process shouldn't be difficult, and it needs to be in writing. Each doctor's office will have their own way of doing it though I think. Send or take the written request, but expect them to need time to prepare it (days at least?) They might not wish to mail it, but have you pick it up and sign for it.

I'm curious as to what it is you want to find out.

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I'm curious as to what it is you want to find out.

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Everything?

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AlteredState01 said:Oh, but the curiosity....



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I never have read my file, but I always want to. I've been thinking about asking if I can see it at my next appointment, actually. It's probably huge. The first appointment f2f that I had with this T was after about 8 months of e-therapy, and I had written at least 120 pages of autobiography right at the beginning, etc. She had my file at that first appointment, and pointed it out. It consisted of printouts of all that email, so it was already pretty big then. Now it's been 2 years. I have all the email, so I'm not interested in seeing that, but I'd like to know if she wrote any assessment, treatment plan, case notes, and what she has sent to my insurance company.

I'm not afraid of reading it, and she has told me a couple of dx, but I'm not sure that I dare to ask, because I don't know how she will react to the request.

Who cares how she will react. It is YOUR information.

On the otherhand, if she feels you may be in too vulnerable a position, she may ask that you wait on it, which may not be a bad idea.

I have many many times for I am now on my 19th therapy professional. I have always read them either with that therapy proffessional or alone in the therapy agencys building. I also get or make copies of those therapy files from time to time. The last time I asked to see my therapy file was 2 and a half years ago when SKR and I were having my file turned in for reassigning to a new therapist. My asking to see the file was also a spur of the moment of hey ok if I come down to the files with you to do a quick look before we turn my file in? and I was told sure. For the most part my very large file contained the generic session write up paper and any session notes SKR wrote during my sessions. SKR has a great memory for details and because of DHS involvement and on lawyers advise alot of stuff like my journal entries and artwork samples was not in the files. Those were kept in a separate file box at sKR's house which some I gave her permission to show LL and others she returned back to me or I told her to throw it away or give it away if it was a scale model that someone else could use. My file also contained copies of court papers and my reports to the court, My comprehensive psychological evaluations which I have already had a copy of. There was nothing new that I did not know about and SKR and I hadn't previously talked about.

I have not asked to see my file yet with LL but from time to time she lets me know that she does have access to my files in the main building of the therapy agency and I can see them anytime all I have to do is ask her. LL and I go over everything that she wants to put into my file and anything that I give her anyway so I see no need to have her pull my file for me.

I guess I will reading mine before we go to court for my third try at SSDI. My therapist told me sometime back in July, right after I started there, that if I did what I read might sound REALLY bad. That kinda scared me.

RainbowFaerie

It's been very interesting to read all the responses. I've never asked to see my file and I'm not really interested in reading it, I just wondered if it was something that most people chose to do.

My current T never writes anything down while I'm there...perhaps after I'm gone, I don't know. I've only had one other T and he used to write things. My current T must have an amazing memory, though, because he remembers even the tiniest details and I often wonder...how did you remember that when you never write anything down? After I was in the hospital, I did wonder a bit about my file there, but there was no therapy involved with that so it would just have been nurses notes and diagnostic stuff. Perhaps one day I will be curious, perhaps not.

I think it's fascinating to read about other people's therapy experiences (but then I always loved reading case studies in college). For instance, I find it interesting that so many people communicate with their Ts via email or share writings and such with them. I don't even know if my T has email and he's never asked to see anything I've written. I pretty much go in and we talk for an hour and neither of writes anything or communicates at all between sessions. Then the next week we go in and do it all again.

I also think the physical contact aspect is interesting. I've never done more than shake hands at the first meeting and that's fine with me. I'm not sure I'd know what to do if a T wanted to hug me! I'm not even good at eye contact.

I think it's great that there are so many different ways of going about therapy. I think it shows that people can really hope to find someone they will work well with because everyone does things a little differently.

Thanks to all for satisying my curiosity.

I doubt very much the male T I saw for 6 years even had a file on me. The reason I feel that way is several years into therapy he gave me the original form I filled out when I started therapy. Oh yes, when he got my file the only paper in the file was this form he gave back to me. It was the form I filled out with birth date and my family history, financial info for payment, etc. When I tried to return the form he said he did not want it back. I have wondered if that was an attempt to "get rid" of having any paperwork as me being his client.. ??? It was not a copy.. it was the original.. Since I paid him in cash and he stuffed the cash in his pockets and not in a drawer that maybe he didn't want records of me being his client.... he never took session notes.. so who knows... guess just he would..

The female T I saw for several months took lots of notes. She wrote faster than I could talk. I have never asked to see my file because I didn't feel comfy reading what she wrote about me.. Maybe I did not want to know... I don't know..

So the answer to the question is NO I have not read any of my "therapy" files...

Hmm -

Very interesting...... I had never thought about getting a copy of my mental files, but now I think I will make a list of all the T seen over the past ten years of ME trying to heal from my past and the wounds many left in me. I will call each one of them on Monday (I think there are 3, maybe 4 in all)

QUESTION....... Can YOU request copies of any hospital stays? - (mental hospitals)

Thanks....
LoVe,
Rhapsody -

You should be able to, same as any physician and/or hospital stay.

yes anyone over 18 here in the USA can request and recieve a copy of their own hospital records. to get them call the customer service desk and they will forward your call to the records department and then answer their questions for verification purposes and then they will either send a copy of your file or you can arrange to go in to them and pick them up.

Every time I had to move I would request my hospital records both physical and mental and I would recieve them in the mail or I made arrangements for me to pick them up.

BTW most doctors and hospitals destroy files after ten years

I agree with you...I am sort of new to getting help and I don't want to know what he is writing about me...I haven't gone to a therapist yet...but am tinkering with the idea...I have only gone to a psychiatrist so far...not doing much but giving me meds...I think a therapist will help me more...I am getting the courage to go!

I've never read my file. But I have been thinking about asking ex-t since things were ended in such a weird way. I don't feel he gave me a complete explanation. And if I ever go into therapy again, I'd want to see what info he would be sending to new t. But I don't think I can do it. I would prefer that I never see or hear from him again. I'd let new t take care of getting my paperwork.

And, more synchronicity here, it seems

Take care,
Fuzzy

You are right...Sorry.