i brought a nail file

i'm a terribly chronic nailbiter. and picker. pick pick pick. i've never met anyone who gives their nails as hard a time as me. i have even managed to remove nails on the odd occasion. maybe 3 or 4 times. my goal was to remove ALL of them. just gradually, like. if you do it slowly then it doesn't hurt soooooo bad.

anyhoo, i've been growing a few of them. 5 of them to be exact. giving the others a worse time because of it, but i'm going to gradually stoppit.

i actually had to buy a nailfile today. they are getting a bit long. can feel them when i'm typing. i'm used to scratching myself HARD too because usually there isn't any nail to help with the scratching. now i wake up in the morning with deep scratch marks on me because the nails scratch good.

i'm gonna grow them a bit longer i think. but first i'll keep them fairly shortish so i can get used to them and let the others get caught up.

i'm reminded of an alanis song...

lol

Good for you!!! Maybe next you will buy some nail polish? I will be inspired by you.... I love wearing makeup, and I'm all girly and stuff.... but I have the most horrible nails. I take my nerves out on them all of the time. I have like, every color of nail polish, but I can't wear it because my nails are horrible. I will try to follow your lead.... nice job, feel good about yourself, grow them some more and treat yourself to a manicure!!!

Progress is good. Congratulations on your nail file and your new nails.

hey. no, i won't be painting them. i'm not exactly a girly girl.

i used to wear acrylics when i was trying to grow them before, however. and you need to paint acrylics because they don't look natural.

i had this really cool nailpolish that was pink / purple / olive depending on where the light was hitting it.

but i do want to stop picking at them. my mother used to do that :-(

I like the unusual colors. I'm girly, but definitely not traditional, lol. And my mother does it really, really bad, too. So that's another reason I hate my nails.

Alexandra,

That's so cool. Thank you for sharing that.

I remember when I attempted to take the focus off my nails. I bit the nails, when there were no nails, I went to the skin around the nails. When there was nothing on my hands, I went to my toes as a kid.

I kept up the nail thing and it was sooooooo difficult. One thing that helped me was wearing a ring on each hand. When I wanted to bite, nibble and pick, I played with my rings. It worked. I still "bite at" my nails. I'm still able to make the same sounds, contact, relief by biting at them without biting through them. Now my nails can get so long that I can't type, button buttons, etc....LOL. One extreme to the other...I know. LOL.

Still to this day, though, if one breaks or frays, I HAVE to get a nail file to it soon. If I don't and start to bite, I have a very difficult time stopping.

I understand so well where you're at and I know it's so difficult to attempt to work around.

KD

Congrats, alexandra!! Yay, you need a nail file! I can so relate to this because I have bitten my nails chronically until a few months ago. I had to have some dental work done that included a "bite adjustment", which involved filing down slightly all the teeth in my mouth to correct the bite. What I found was that my fingernail-biting-teeth got filed down so I could no longer chew on my nails. For the first few weeks, I was destitute. I kept trying to bite my nails and would be unable to. It sounds dumb, but it was an aggravating loss! Now, however, my nails are nice and long, and I actually have to trim and file them. It's bizarre to come to this after several nailbiting decades.

thanks guys.

yeah pinksoil... i might just paint them oneday.

OMG. i used to pick at and even chew on my toenails when i was little too kimmy. kinda embarrassing to think back on that now...

i used to give the skin a hard time as well. on my fingers, yeah, and on my feet.

:-(

i guess i never was a particularly happy camper :-(

((((((( alexandra ))))))))

I understand...

Enough said.

KD

Hello Alexandra.
Congratulaitons on the progress that you are making. Just take things one day at a time, and take care of yourself. Take care Soidhonia

yea for you alex. i bite my nails all the time from stress though sometimes i ll notice they re getting a bit long so i bite just for that. lol.
which alanis song??

I bite my nails too but not as badly as I did before therapy :-) and now I often have "regular" nails. One thing I was "playing" with 5-7 years ago was was I'd bite my nails and the next day I'd have an allergic rash and/or hives and it would be good that I didn't have nails. I started thinking maybe my body knew/sensed more of what was going on with me and "felt" a buildup of whatever caused the rash/hives so "encouraged" :-) me to bite my nails.

> which alanis song??

and everytime i scratch my nails down someone elses back i hope you feel it...

(cringe)

still...

they are getting longer... time for putting bandaids around the others so they can grow too 'cause they are starting to look a little odd with some getting nice and long and others all but removed...

"you oughta know". love that song. love that whole album. and the next. though havent got "under rug swept" and sort of lost touch with what she was doing after that... kind of annoying when singers grow past you!
how are your nails doing now? are you using the plasters? i only have two that are short enough to be uncomfortable at the moment. good luck getting them to grow!
(edited to add ps why 'cringe'?)

I've often seen people with nails cringe slightly from how short my nails used to be. They would say 'don't they HURT'. But they didn't (unless I'd been giving them a really very hard time). They seemed to think that the skin near the tip of your finger is really very sensitive and that it must hurt and feel really very vulnerable to have it exposed.

Now 5 of my nails are quite long. And I feel quite vulnerable. When the nail grows past the tip of your finger the tip of your finger becomes really very sensitive. And the nails are pretty sensitive too (I guess because pressure is conveyed right up the nail to under the cuticle). I'm really very aware that it would hurt if one were to get pulled or caught or broken. And really... It wouldn't be so hard for any of that to happen.

People used to have claws. Like birds and dogs. Eventually claws evolved into nails. Nails give us greater hand mobility. Longer nails give you a whole heap less hand mobility too. It is harder to type now. My laptop has very shallow keys on the keyboard and the nails slide around a little while I'm typing and kind of catch under the keys sometimes. One has to hit the elevator with ones finger joint instead of using the tip of ones finger. One has a bit of trouble with zippers and the like.

Vulnerable.

I feel similarly about my weight too. You would think that being all blobby would make one feel more vulnerable. Nope. Being slimmer feels more vulnerable. If I don't load my body up with carbs I'm a whole heap more emotionally reactive.

Ugh.

I wish I could live on the internet
I wish I didn't have to have a body
Embodiment
Ugh
And why did the hell did I have to be associated with this one?

lol about having trouble cos your nails are too long. i know what you mean but whenever mine get that long that they interfere with my typing they have to go. which usually means they get bitten. its true though you become hyper aware of them when they re longer. vulnerable is a good word i think for that. and... unprepared? like i might not be able to do what i need to. like i dont know... lift a rock? lol. just this feeling of being a bit limited.
i didnt know people used to have claws. should have known if id thought about it i guess. i wonder if house dogs claws will eventually evolve into nails? that would be useful given how much damage our dog can do when he scoots full speed across the wood floor when he knows hes not allowed on it!
i understand what you mean about being vulnerable when weighing less too. logically it doesnt make sense since you re likely to be healthier and better able to protect yourself but thats not really the point is it? i dont know if i would feel vulnerable if i weighed less. i find the whole thing a bit scary to think about. maybe its one of the factors fueling my ED? maybe not. guess i wont know until i get rid of the ED and see how i feel maybe. wouldnt life be soooooo much easier if we were just electrical impulses? lol. no stupid sack of skin to hide behind and be trapped in at the same time. no worrying about hair or weight or health or vulnerability or even visibility. i could live with that. id offer to trade bodies and take yours off your hands but i dont think youd really appreciate being offered mine.
((((((((((((((alex_k)))))))))))))))) if you would like.
ps i might need a bit of time to think about your responses on the other thread before i reply if thats ok. thanks for talking.