Last Friday 2 men were run over by a bus. The witness descriptions were horrific.
I was immediately triggered by the trauma (PTSD) and kept trying to find out more about the details. I found myself having to talk about it, over and over.
Told T yesterday, she said 'yes we've spoken about you're draw to trauma because of your past traumas.'
I than started talking about how I find relationships hard. People who I feel have their own baggage trigger mine and I than feel like my arms are where my legs should be, and my legs where my arms should be. I feel all wrong.
T spoke about how that's how I felt as a baby when I was handed over to my new mother.

I went home and still had the urge to find a graphic picture of someone who had been run over.
I found it, I went dizzy at first. Guts on the road, but than I felt better.
I emailed T saying 'that's how I felt when I was given away. My guts every where and my new mother just left me lying there (I know this from fathers relatives)
T said yes, that graphic image is a concrete image of how fragmented you felt/feel inside. You felt better because it acts as a container. Your mother should have picked you up and contained those feelings.

[Perna]

Good, hard work on containment. I love that concept. Sorry you have had such a hard time, Mouse, feeling so triggered and "wrong".

[Bloem]

I'm so sorry that you have a difficult time. Triggers are always difficult, i recognize the urge to look up stuff. I never understood myself why i do it and still do not understand it.
You had the urge and found an answer in what you saw, that must be painful but also more understanding and words for how you felt when you were given away.

Be kind to yourself.
Bloem

[CantExplain]

You did some good work. Well done!

[Yoda]

You did well