So much to process from my session today!

I want to write about my session before I forget it. I think is was productive, and my T thinks something I told her at the end, was huge, and she was so proud of me. I already forget if she used those words, about being proud of me, but I think so. I know she said it was a huge accomplishment.

I didn't talk about her being a regular person until the last 15 minutes. She asked if it bothered me to think of her that way. I said I do NOT think of her as a regular person, that I think she's better than me. She wanted to know if I think most people are better than I am, and I had to say "yes". Then I said something about her saying she had strengths and weaknesses, but I don't see the weaknesses.

T: "that's right, because you only know me in here. You don't see me outside...." (I don't remember her exact words).

She said something else that I don't remember, and then, with about a minute left to the session, she asked how I felt, or noticed something was wrong.

Me: "I just got depressed because of what you said".

T: "You mean about not knowing me outside of the session?"

Me: "Yes, and I know where I felt it in my body! My stomach, and I felt that instant quicksand feeling!"

She reacted like I was the most brilliant person in the universe! That's when she said it was HUGE, that I was triggered and knew exactly when it happened, and I could feel it in my body. She said that is "old stuff", from an early age, about wanting to merge with her--infant feelings.

I didn't see what was so great about it, but T was thrilled. Her feeling so good about it is helping me deal with the actual feeling of "wanting to be in her life". At least I know she understands my feelings. I know what was huge to her was that I noticed the change in my emotions right away, when I got triggered, AND that I could notice and identify the changes in my body. That's what SE is all about, after all.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for in responses. Maybe: has your T ever told you something was huge and you didn't quite understand why it was? Does it seem like what happened to me was huge?

I think I'll start another thread about the other interesting parts of the session.

This very much describes a feeling I've had in similar circumstances/context, with my T, but I wouldn't have known how to word it! 'Instant quicksand' - EXACTLY! I definitely think it has to do with attachment and 'infant stuff'.

During a massive rupture with T when we didn't speak for several weeks and she no longer felt 'there', I related to Goldie Hawn's character, Helen, in 'Death Becomes Her'... (know the one?!) 'I have a hole in my stomach!!'

Just wanted to say I relate, and that I think you did great to recognise the trigger like that and discuss it with your T before you left

Thanks, jsg. Yes, the quicksand feeling is something I've described to my T a lot, especially when it's concerning feelings about her. Whenever I realized she was disappointing me, or couldn't be who I wanted her to be, those feelings would come over me and I'd feel like I was sinking...into quicksand. Instantly!! Yes, T said it has to do with attachment and my wish to merge with her (to my mother in the past).

I used to love Goldie Hawn but didn't see that movie. I know what you mean, though.