Hi everyone,

I don't post on here very often for a variety of reasons...fear of anonymity (or lack thereof,) rejection, vulnerability, etc., but I'm feeling bleak and am afraid it's going to be a tough for awhile, so I thought I'd check in. It's hard for me to know what to say right now. Even typing this fairly benign message feels terribly vulnerable, so mad props to those of you who post regularly! But, I know I need support and so far, I have found it difficult to open up to people in "real life" so I better start looking elsewhere to cover my bases...you guys seem like a wonderful, supportive group, and I do read almost every thread on here even when I don't respond!

Typically, when things get hard, my first urge is to disappear. I love my therapist and we have a great relationship but it's hard for me to connect with her (or anyone) right now, even though I need it more than ever. I just want to shrink inside myself, it feels safer than reaching out! So...I guess I'm just trying to do the opposite of what my head says....

PE

sorry you are feeling so bad but glad you reached out

[anilam]

Originally Posted by PumpkinEater

Hi everyone,

I don't post on here very often for a variety of reasons...fear of anonymity (or lack thereof,) rejection, vulnerability, etc., but I'm feeling bleak and am afraid it's going to be a tough for awhile, so I thought I'd check in. It's hard for me to know what to say right now. Even typing this fairly benign message feels terribly vulnerable, so mad props to those of you who post regularly! But, I know I need support and so far, I have found it difficult to open up to people in "real life" so I better start looking elsewhere to cover my bases...you guys seem like a wonderful, supportive group, and I do read almost every thread on here even when I don't respond!

Typically, when things get hard, my first urge is to disappear. I love my therapist and we have a great relationship but it's hard for me to connect with her (or anyone) right now, even though I need it more than ever. I just want to shrink inside myself, it feels safer than reaching out! So...I guess I'm just trying to do the opposite of what my head says....

PE

Yes, it's hard and believe me you're not alone in this. You're fighting a lifelong coping mechanism. Sometimes you do need to go with the logical self (while honoring the emotional self) just because you need to learn that some ppl are safe to reach out to when you're feeling vulnerable and they could actually help you instead of kicking you even lower. It should get easier with practice- though I'm still waiting...

On the side note, glad you took the leap and posted here. But please remember that weekends are a bit quiet around here. So you may not get as many responses as you would otherwise. Bumping your thread on Mo might help

I can relate... I find connecting difficult, too, and also often feel vulnerable about reaching out (here, with my therapist, or otherwise).. It's hard to put yourself 'out there', especially if you're hypervigilant and are sensitive to feeling rejected... but I've found it can be worth it not to be so self-isolating.

[IndestructibleGirl]

Hi PumpkinEater

Glad you posted. Keep reaching! I think it gets easier the more we do it.

[gayleggg]

Hello, PumpkinEater. Glad you felt you could come back here to reach out. I think you will find it safe and supportive here. Sorry you are starting to have problems again. Welcome back.

Hi! I am so sorry you are struggling. I am glad you reached out and hope you can continue reaching out for support. Weekends are quiet around here sometimes, so as someone else said, please don't be discouraged or take it personally if there are not a huge number of responses. This section of the forum also has a thread called the "Couch." It's often a more active thread if you would like to post there as well.

Thank you everyone. The last 5 days have been so hard since I disclosed some new information to my spouse. He was and is incredibly supportive. My therapist is supportive. They are my rocks. I, on the other hand, have been struggling immensely and isolating a lot. I appreciate everyone's response and I will check and see if there is any room for me on the Couch, although I kind of like to have my own couch, with a clear exit...but I'm thinking something like this exists over on that thread...