[lagisado29]

I think I need to start taking control of my therapy sessions. My therapist is great. I like her, though at times I'm frustrated in therapy. I trust her, but have great difficulty feeling vulnerable. I still expect her to tell me to go away.

I let my therapist decide what we talk about each session. Sometimes she's on target, sometimes not. Or sometimes she's on target, but then during the conversation, my mind switches over to something else, and she doesn't keep up with me. She still thinks we are on the first topic.

Communicating is very hard for me. If she could read my mind, she'd probably be as confused as me. I've written letters. I just don't communicate well.

She never gives me homework. How do I get better?

How do I let down my guard? I've been meeting with her for about 18 months.

I just want her to really understand me. I'm just scared she'll tell me my issues are weak compared to what other clients deal with. She's never acted that way. She's always been there when I need her. But that's still my main worry.

[Daeva]

Trust is a very tricky thing, However i can guarantee you she won't say that to you, T's are meant to help us with our issues. No matter how big or small we may think they are. And also what is small for one person is big for another. Your struggles are JUST as important as anyone else's

[nija43]

My immediate thought is that you should tell your therapist exactly what you wrote here. If you let her know exactly how you feel, she can better understand and help you.

Yes, you should take control of your therapy sessions. After all, they are for you and about you. Your therapist is your guide, not someone who tells you what to do or how to act. It's not up to your therapist to decide the agenda for each and every session.... that's your job. Yes, your therapist is usually good at initiating what to talk about, but she's not a mind reader.

And, yes, there are times when you don't feel like talking. There always will be. When I'm like that, my therapist just begins some small talk about stuff..... some chit-chat. Some times that leads to what I think is more meaningful talk, sometimes not. When I asked her about that once, she said that she can find out a lot about me through small talk. She said that people frequently reveal things about themselves without realizing it. If ever our chit-chat isn't going anywhere, she said that she will direct it accordingly.

I have sessions where all we do is talk about "nothing". As we were wrapping up one session like that, it bothered me so I asked her about it saying that I didn't get anything from the session. She said that she learned a lot about me that she didn't fully realize before and gave me a couple of examples. All I could think was "wow... I said all that?"

If, after 18 months, your therapist hasn't told you to go away, chances are she won't.

After three years of therapy with the same person, communicating is still sometimes difficult for me. Besides having a bad stutter, sometimes my mind is full of all kinds of stuff that I want to discuss in a single session. So I make a list of 3 to 5 things that are the most immediately important to me to talk about. When I get to therapy, I tell my therapist that I have a lot of stuff to talk about and that I have a list of the most urgent things. She will tell my if she wants to cover them one at a time or if she wants me to tell her all of them and then let her decide the order of discussion.

If you really want your therapist to understand you, then let her know how you feel about your therapy sessions. Ask her how the therapy is supposed to help you get better. Ask her how you can let down your guard in order to communicate better with her. Tell her that you feel like your issues aren't as important as other people's.

Remember, therapy is different for everyone. How long will it take for you to "get better"? Who knows. Talk with your therapist about it... I did with mine when I had the same feelings you have. We talked for an entire session about it once and I felt satisfied at the end of the session. Every once in a while that feeling of not getting anywhere with my therapy sneaks its way into my mind. When it does, I let my therapist know about it and we discuss it.

Keep trying... don't give up on yourself or your therapist. Try to take more control of your therapy. Remember -- it is YOUR therapy. Let your therapist know how you feel and let her help you.