[growlycat]

Hugs to you if you dread Thanksgiving….miss your T…..dread seeing difficult family….feel guilty for not feeling thankful…or those who are just plain hurting.

The holidays can be hard. I get it.

[RTerroni]

I know I am spending it by myself this year

[growlycat]

Last year was my first christmas alone ever. Not fun. Tried to treat it like a plain old day off from work but world just doesn't let you forget.

extra hugs

[feralkittymom]

I spent a number of Thanksgivings and Christmases alone because I lived in a university town where most went home for the holidays. I found the best thing I could do for myself was to get out and volunteer somewhere. I usually chose the Community Kitchen. Feeling helpful was a good antidote to depressive feelings, and it was an atmosphere where no one questioned why you were there--they were just glad to have you.

[archipelago]

I really don't like this whole season. It just feels superficial to me. So over time I've pulled away from gatherings. My family is far away so that isn't even a question, but my partner's family always has something and since I really don't like some of them, which he knows, he is pretty good about keeping it all separate.

Volunteering is a great idea. I did it once at a homeless shelter and was surprised by how much fun I had.

[Leah123]

Thank you so much for posting this thread. I'm thankful for you! And this board.

[ThisWayOut]

Thanks. You too! I hate the holidays, but thanksgiving is not so bad for me. Christmas is worse, and I turn into scrooge. I like getting out to help if I can. Hope you have a good day.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by archipelago

I really don't like this whole season. It just feels superficial to me. So over time I've pulled away from gatherings. My family is far away so that isn't even a question, but my partner's family always has something and since I really don't like some of them, which he knows, he is pretty good about keeping it all separate.

Volunteering is a great idea. I did it once at a homeless shelter and was surprised by how much fun I had.

I feel the same way.

[Rzay4]

I love the holidays, I have so many friends and family I'm thankful for. I'm going to stuff my face today!

[Freewilled]

Holidays have been one source of aggravation when it comes to my pain, shame, fear and sadness for at least the past 9 or 10 years.....it's hard this time of year. And although there has been *some* amazing healing in this area for me, the pain is still fresh and I tread lightly around these days. One thing that has come from it for me is that I am much for empathetic towards those who are left out, forgotten, ignored, Abandoned and alone. I always try to be careful what comes out of my mouth and to treat people with care. You just never know what others are going through....

[tohelpafriend]

Originally Posted by Freewilled

Holidays have been one source of aggravation when it comes to my pain, shame, fear and sadness for at least the past 9 or 10 years.....it's hard this time of year. And although there has been *some* amazing healing in this area for me, the pain is still fresh and I tread lightly around these days. One thing that has come from it for me is that I am much for empathetic towards those who are left out, forgotten, ignored, Abandoned and alone. I always try to be careful what comes out of my mouth and to treat people with care. You just never know what others are going through....

I appreciated what you wrote. What I experience is also something like that.....to tread lightly, not to magnify past wrongs, and to be sensitive to others around you and what is said. This year I was aware of the machinations of my former, 'primary' family (3 other female sibs), 2 others stay away traditionally for their own reasons. And what I was feeling was their twisted ways of communication - either not meaning what is said or emailed, or their incessant manipulation games. I experienced a great burst of freedom today and just stayed where I felt safe....at home. A good refreshing walk in the morning, followed by doing some shopping for "all fresh stuff", and finding exactly what I wanted in coffee...Starbuck's blonde mellow & soft brew! I realized a step toward healing was to actually control my self-care and boundaries to the extent of refusing to be drawn into the family mind games. Next year, God willing, I will venture out somewhere, but not to my family, to my OWN family. The ghosts of the past just have to fall away when we see the truth and become ourselves, not afraid to journey on. I really had a peace-filled day.....and I had to go against the tide to find it. Peace, "help..." And, of course, I am thankful for the beautiful weather today and health to enjoy it.

[skeksi]

Usually Thanksgiving is awful for me because I see the family member who hurt me. This year, I was only somewhat dissociated. I haven't needed to take any of my RX for anxiety since I got home, even when the friend I had made plans with tomorrow (for coping) cancelled. I am handling it.

Thanks, T. I'm grateful for your help.

[skysblue]

Solitude on this day, Thanksgiving, can be an opportunity for healing quiet and contemplation. It's easy to romanticize those family gatherings and to miss the experience, but those of us alone can also appreciate that we have a different way of bringing the sentiment of gratitude and thankfulness into our day.

[feralkittymom]

Originally Posted by tohelpafriend

-------
I experienced a great burst of freedom today and just stayed where I felt safe....at home. A good refreshing walk in the morning, followed by doing some shopping for "all fresh stuff", and finding exactly what I wanted in coffee...Starbuck's blonde mellow & soft brew! I realized a step toward healing was to actually control my self-care and boundaries to the extent of refusing to be drawn into the family mind games. Next year, God willing, I will venture out somewhere, but not to my family, to my OWN family. The ghosts of the past just have to fall away when we see the truth and become ourselves, not afraid to journey on. I really had a peace-filled day.....and I had to go against the tide to find it. Peace, "help..." And, of course, I am thankful for the beautiful weather today and health to enjoy it.

I think this^ is really important. It's so easy to allow a sense of futility and helplessness to rob us of our ability to make different choices. It took several years, but I found that re-inventing the holidays, making new traditions that fulfill my needs, was a way to reclaim ownership of the experience and banish past memories to their rightful place--in the past. The past could only be endured, but the present and the future are mine to create for me.