[Yobeth]

I just read on Facebook about this event that will be occurring locally in August 2014 and they are looking for 1,000 volunteers. I am interested. I signed up. Unfortunately, I'm nervous my T may be volunteering there too. This community center is adjacent to her kids school which she is very active in. The only reason I know this as her car has a magnet on it with her kids school name. I know her car because many sessions she gets there after me and while I'm waiting in my car for her (her office door is locked), I see her pull up.

I don't want to volunteer there if she will. The first meeting is Dec. 5th. Would you come out and ask her or go and wait to see if she shows up. But I'll be very uncomfortable if she is there as she is well known in her children's school and the school has ties to the community center.

I'm nervous if I bring it up she will ask how do I know she will volunteer there? Should I just approach it as guess what I'm doing? Going to volunteer. And then sees what she says.

My appointment with her is tomorrow. Any advice is much appreciated. Thanks!

I would bring it up beforehand as I caught my T out at an event, but to be fair neither of us knew the other was going to be there. I saw him out of the corner of my eye covering his face and turning the opposite way.. Sorry meant to say after the event e established rules of enggement for any further interactions.

[Petra5ed]

What would it feel like for you if your T did show up at the same volunteer event? I'm curious because that's the issue causing the distress, but I wouldn't think it would be a big deal. I've heard if you see a T in public they are trained to ignore you to maintain your confidentiality, so you would have to approach your T for there to be any interaction. I think you should mention it, because it's what's on your mind it's important. That being said I frequently withhold stuff like this that would seem embarrassing to bring up.

[Hope-Full]

I would totally bring it up. Chances are good that in an event that size, even if you both are planning on volunteering, you won't cross paths much, if at all.

[Yobeth]

It will just be uncomfortable for me to go there alone and not know anyone and see her who will know many people there. I see myself standing in a corner not talking to anyone. I will want to talk to T but know I can't other than a hello.

I don't understand why you would volunteer if you think you will just stand in the corner not talking to anyone. Honestly, an event that needs 1000 volunteers is probably so big and busy that if you see your T at all, it will probably be at a distance and hopefully you'll be so busy that you won't really have time to think about it.

I wouldn't worry about whether you see your T or not. Go into this event in the true spirit of volunteerism and throw yourself into helping at the event with a passion.

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by Yobeth

It will just be uncomfortable for me to go there alone and not know anyone and see her who will know many people there. I see myself standing in a corner not talking to anyone. I will want to talk to T but know I can't other than a hello.

Aw, I understand now. This sounds like the kind of thing I would worry about, I am very introverted and uncomfortable in those settings. I'd recommend you go to the event or find another one like it your T won't be at. The best advice I ever got about making small talk when I don't know anyone is to ask people questions, it works like a charm most of the time since people love answering them.

I would talk to your T about it. In my lay persons opinion this event is bringing up some legitimate fears of yours that can/should be explored, this is good therapy stuff. The awkward bit about how you know where her daughter goes to school etc. is not that weird really. I know what car my T drives. I guess it would sound odd in a normal conversation, but this is a conversation with your T. It doesn't make you sound like a stalker is what I'm getting at

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

I don't understand why you would volunteer if you think you will just stand in the corner not talking to anyone. Honestly, an event that needs 1000 volunteers is probably so big and busy that if you see your T at all, it will probably be at a distance and hopefully you'll be so busy that you won't really have time to think about it.

I wouldn't worry about whether you see your T or not. Go into this event in the true spirit of volunteerism and throw yourself into helping at the event with a passion.

We seem to understand the concept of volunteering differently. To me, whether you are social beyond what's required to help out has absolutely nothing to do with the spirit of volunteering - it's nice if you enjoy it, of course, but if you don't it doesn't mean that your volunteering has less value or worth. Volunteering means helping out for free, and if only the people who enjoy being around others were welcome to help out at events for free, a lot of solitary-type work would not be done, or would be done only grudgingly.

In any case, Yobeth, I would bring it up with T, simply because this is an issue that affects both your life outside therapy, and your therapy itself.

[anilam]

If you wanna go then go. So what if your T will be there? You'll be working there so no standing in the corner doing nothing. No worries there

Originally Posted by Mastodon

We seem to understand the concept of volunteering differently. To me, whether you are social beyond what's required to help out has absolutely nothing to do with the spirit of volunteering - it's nice if you enjoy it, of course, but if you don't it doesn't mean that your volunteering has less value or worth. Volunteering means helping out for free, and if only the people who enjoy being around others were welcome to help out at events for free, a lot of solitary-type work would not be done, or would be done only grudgingly.

In any case, Yobeth, I would bring it up with T, simply because this is an issue that affects both your life outside therapy, and your therapy itself.

You misunderstand me. It just seems odd that someone apparently that uncomfortable with others would want to be around apparently thousands of people in probably a fairly confined space. And my comment about the spirit of volunteerism was about how if she goes and stays busy, she really won't have time to worry about whether her T is there or not.

[GeorgiaGirl413]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

I don't understand why you would volunteer if you think you will just stand in the corner not talking to anyone. Honestly, an event that needs 1000 volunteers is probably so big and busy that if you see your T at all, it will probably be at a distance and hopefully you'll be so busy that you won't really have time to think about it.

I wouldn't worry about whether you see your T or not. Go into this event in the true spirit of volunteerism and throw yourself into helping at the event with a passion.

What Sierra Said!!

[GeorgiaGirl413]

Originally Posted by Yobeth

I just read on Facebook about this event that will be occurring locally in August 2014 and they are looking for 1,000 volunteers. I am interested. I signed up. Unfortunately, I'm nervous my T may be volunteering there too. This community center is adjacent to her kids school which she is very active in. The only reason I know this as her car has a magnet on it with her kids school name. I know her car because many sessions she gets there after me and while I'm waiting in my car for her (her office door is locked), I see her pull up.

I don't want to volunteer there if she will. The first meeting is Dec. 5th. Would you come out and ask her or go and wait to see if she shows up. But I'll be very uncomfortable if she is there as she is well known in her children's school and the school has ties to the community center.

I'm nervous if I bring it up she will ask how do I know she will volunteer there? Should I just approach it as guess what I'm doing? Going to volunteer. And then sees what she says.

My appointment with her is tomorrow. Any advice is much appreciated. Thanks!

Yobeth, help me understand. You knew when you volunteered that this would be an event where your T would likely be present. You knew that you would not want to be there is she was. You are uncomfortalbe about being there because she is well thought of? Why? Will people somehow think less of her if you are there? Or are you afraid that she will be involved in her own activities and not show you the attention that you wish she would (I will be standing in a corner alone you said). I would definately talk to her about this. There seems to be much more going on here than meets the eye. It seems to me that if you really don't want to be involved in community activities where your T might be present you just wouldn't have volunteered in the first place.

[Daeva]

I'd definitely bring it up with your T, it's important to you.

[Yobeth]

Originally Posted by GeorgiaGirl413

Yobeth, help me understand. You knew when you volunteered that this would be an event where your T would likely be present. You knew that you would not want to be there is she was. You are uncomfortalbe about being there because she is well thought of? Why? Will people somehow think less of her if you are there? Or are you afraid that she will be involved in her own activities and not show you the attention that you wish she would (I will be standing in a corner alone you said). I would definately talk to her about this. There seems to be much more going on here than meets the eye. It seems to me that if you really don't want to be involved in community activities where your T might be present you just wouldn't have volunteered in the first place.

Hi Georgia, you are right. I will want to talk with T but know I can't. I once saw her out of the office and she was very distant. I don't want that. No, I don't feel she will be thought of less with me there. I'm confident she won't say who I am.

I will feel out of place with not knowing anyone there.

I don't know how to bring this up to her at our next session.

[GeorgiaGirl413]

Yobeth,
If this is something that you really want to do (for you and for those who this event serves) yet you don't want to be there and not know anyone then could you ask a friend to volunteer with you? Also, think of this as a chance to meet new people in a pretty non-threatening environment. After all, you will all be there for the same reason. Just smile and say "hi" (trust me, I know how hard this can be) and I bet soon you will "know" some folks. I also think you have to decide if this event is really worth all this angst and anxiety. Maybe it would be better not to volunteer at this time for this event.