[Daeva]

I tend to disconnect with my feelings, especially when something horrible happens, and it helps me through that traumatic moment but later on (even a few days later) it's hard for me to access those emotions to work through them, and I can't seem to get to them, like they are guarded fiercely, or like they don't exist at all. Did anyone's T ever give them advice on how to stop this? or how to deal with it? or re-connect, I need to work through the emotions and let myself feel them but I -can't-. PLEASE HELP.

[Karrebear]

Does your T have any suggestions? Its probably how you learned to handle stress growing up which will be hard to unlearn but not impossible. My first thought was to write about your feelings, the situation that arose, etc so at least you can remember what you were feeling and when you were feeling it.

Wish I could help you more!

[Daeva]

I tried writing, it helped a little but when it happened I instantaneously shut down, like the second it happened bam emotiosn shut down. It was the defense I used most as a kid, but no my T hasn't given me anything, I'm just coming to terms with how often I do this and actually just wanting to change it

[krisakira]

I believe that when your brain feels it is ready and can handle those emotions, they will come out eventually. I don't think you should try too hard to "feel." You are feeling, just not perceiving it yet. It will come out eventually. Let it be natural. Don't try to force yourself to process something you're not ready to yet.

[tealBumblebee]

T talks me through it when I start to disconnect a bit. She'll usually say "Are you shutting down on me?" And sometimes I know; sometimes I don't. I know it sounds weird, but she'll ask me where i'm at, if i'm in my "dark room", to try to come back out to her side (reality) and push through that urge to disappear. Sometimes I straddle between the two (literally) but she's done a great job in helping me stay out of that place lately. I only recently went back there last session when things were really bad, but there was no point in trying to talk me through that one (i didn't even realize I couldn't hear her anymore) so in that instance, she simply let me be.

A lot of people don't feel you should push yourself to experience certain things because you may not be ready, but on the other hand, at least in my own experience, if I allow myself not to process something until the "time is right" - i'll never process it. It's why T is more often now to "gently push" me to experience my thoughts a little deeper.

[Bill3]

I'm just coming to terms with how often I do this and actually just wanting to change it

This is important progress. What if you start to work with T on this and trust yourself to continue to progress?

[archipelago]

My shrink is quite familiar with dissociative phenomena so he thinks it's protective and that actually most people use it in one form or another. He normalizes it so much that actually it has had the reverse effect. Now I let more come through and don't rely on it as much. This happen quite by accident and largely unconsciously. I didn't try to force myself to feel more. I just became more accepting and felt safer with my therapist so that I could feel things more in the moment. His not pathologizing or pushing the dissociation actually made me be more accepting and have self-compassion so that I felt more able to be a friend to myself and let the feelings out.

[Leah123]

Feeling safe and being gentle with myself are the keys, I've found, to less dissociation. Those take time and patience, especially when I'm deliberately trying to work through issues in therapy, I need to be willing to take it slowly.

However, one thing that really helps me facilitate emotional release is music. I have a playlist of songs that I find resonant, and using those has helped me a lot when I need to sink down into that deeper, more emotionally centered place, or just have a good cry. It doesn't always work, but it does help some.

Also, a goal is to dissociate less, and to do that, I know that coping strategies for dealing with emotions as they arise helps, so there's less you have to put off or put away to process later. Breathing exercises and visualizations can help, I really find just having support, not being alone helps.

Honestly, for me, to stop dissociating a lot took years though. I'm sure it varies, but... I found the key thing was having a safe life set up. For me that meant good job, marriage, stable living space, relative calm, no abuse. As I put those big things in place, I just didn't need the dissociation anymore.

[Arha]

I have found I do something similar, and my T explained how in the brain there is a certain pathway (Sorry I cannot give all the correct terms) that reacts to things that are threatening.
This pathway is a very quick one, as it has to be in order to give quick reactions so the person can react to save themselves from the threat of, say, the sabretooth cat they have just seen. Whatever you do will be a learned reaction, probably from childhood, and it is deeply ingrained.

If you have learned to block emotions, because they are too overwhelming and didn't help, then this blocking will happen in milliseconds, before you even notice them.

You can learn to change this thought process though. It does help to be aware of it. Think of it as gradually learning to deal with each step of the process.

I learned that I was diverting my thoughts to protect myself from things I could not deal with. First I had to learn that this was happening, then to acknowledge it, which actually took me months. Then I slowly learned to recognise when it was happening, but only noticing it a minute or two after it had happened. Then I stepped back each time to find what the particular threat was that I had reacted to. Now I am part way through learning new ways to react that are more effective.

My T told me that I should acknowledge the previous methods helped when I was little, but that now they are creating other problems, so I can be thankful that they helped me then, but still move on, and learn other methods.