Couch 67 - Keep calm, carry on, and have a cup of tea.

last night's bat sh it crazy dream:

I had 3 toddlers...a set of twin girls and a little boy. I kept forgetting about one of the twins. I got them in the bathroom to bathe them, and one of the twins was puking, so while I was trying to help her, the other drown in the bathtub. Then I was doing cpr and the boy disappeared. I was screaming for help, and no one would come. All I know for sure is that they weren't my kids, but I don't know who's they were...I just had to take care of it because no one else was there.

No interpretation needed. Just a picture of how stressed I am trying to get my mom's sh it together and her in her new place. I know it's not my responsibility, and I can say ef it and walk away...but for reals, there is no one else.

Ugh, wiki, that sounds like a horrible dream!

And I hear you about your mom's situation. It's very hard to disengage when you see that no one else will step up to the plate. I hope she gets situated soon and that you can get back to focusing on your life.

Healed - BPD isn't horrid..knowing what you're dealing with is half the battle. I am so surprised T hasn't talked about a partial program. Really...they are very helpful, and not nearly as stressful as being hospitalized. Just my opinion.

CC - do your best, that's all anyone can ask for.

Hugs to all...off to meet the movers.

(((((wikid))))) You're carrying such a heavy load. I wish you could put it down. And I so look forward to your mom moving into her new place.

Dealing with an effin migraine....and I was supposed to get my treatment yesterday - but I canceled the appt because my 3 month insurance extension hasn't been approved yet. So, I didn't want to pay the $1400+ for the visit/treatment.

I was in the mood to listen to Metallica lately....so my ex-H let me borrow a bunch of his Metallica CD's to burn. I am kinda ticked, though, because I had several of them and can't find them. Actually, most of my CD's are missing.....and here he is, with all of them. He was always the music buff, but I had my own collection when we were married. He was never a Metallica fan. I can't prove that these are mine, so I might as well just not give it a second thought. The fact that he is willing to let me borrow them to burn should be enough for me.

Gotta head out to an assignment for a couple hours....it'll be super easy cuz it's final exam week. So, I'll be getting paid to do nothing.

I cant put into words how I feel I have not been this tied up in knots for a while . yes I know I have been very down but have yet to even address this with T because she made such a thing about me showing up last week and my cardio appointment. I don't know what to do with it .she isn't a bad T but I don't know what to do when she is how she was yesterday. there is a big difference between talking because I am terrified not to and talking because I want to share something. I think she WAS angry because she thought I accused her to an employee that she did not call me .she had but at the time I didn't know she had .butin fact I had only responded to the stupid sectary. she had come to me and asked who I was here to see. I responded T,she then told me that she was not in today and was home sick, I said oh .then she said T had called everyone to let them know,to that I responded I guess not me. she then told me she would have T call me the next day and I panicked and said don't bother and I had left. that was the conversation .I was irritated when I left I am sure it was in my voice but not until she had said she would have her call me and it was not that bad. i guess the sectary told T i was very upset . i don't think how i behaved was very upset or inappropriate. i have behaved worse in the past .and i don't have any idea how else i was suppose to behave. i feel betrayed by that sectary and by my t about all of it . im hurt she would believe her sectary and tell me how upset she was because she couldn't help me and so on. i didn't want her to help me.i didn't want anything from her.i don't know how to deal. i want to call her and figure this all out but we all know how that goes if i try to contact her out of session

(((( granite ))))

im sorry about you horrible dream wiki. all this with your mother will hopefully be all over with soon and you life can get back to the way it was after all the holidays.

Granite, I really empathize with your struggle. I find that I am my own worst enemy because I can't seem to verbalize the really difficult stuff - and it creates a storm within me that has no way to escape. If I could just talk about it, I know progress could be made - but there I am, frozen amidst the storm. Sucks.

Oh, granite, I really don't like how your T treats you sometimes. She should not terrify you into talking, and she should not automatically accept her secretary's interpretation of things. You know we're all here for you.

Morning couch.

BPA, i'm sorry you have the stress of trying to find 2 houses. I'm glad to hear you think you found a suitable one though.

Wiki, I'm sorry moving your mom is so stressful for you. Just remember how much less stress you will have when it is over because your mother will no longer be living with you.

Granite, I am sorry to hear you are still a little upset about what went on with T. It would probably be a good idea to talk it over with her next time you see her.

To everyone else, I hope the day treats you well. Another sub day for me, hopefully the kids will be like they were on Monday and this sub won't be crazy like the one on Monday was. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Well, I need to go pack my lunch and then leave for work. I'll try to check in on my lunch break.

My student never showed up. I wonder if she got the wrong information when she booked the appt or if she misunderstood the info she got, or if she just didn't show. It's frustrating not to know. I'll email her with my comments on her text, but there's several different things she needs to work on and I'm afraid a written comment will look overwhelming. *sigh*

Granite - it is possible, I think, that you and your therapist have different views of what very upset is and what it would mean. First, as I recall, you did seem upset over the whole situation when it occurred from what you wrote here. Second, it may be the therapist was emphasizing how you felt because you may deny or down play it with her. It does not mean you acted incorrectly nor does it sound like the therapist accused you of acting incorrectly, but rather that she wanted to discuss with you your feelings about the situation.
Just my take on it.

I agree with stopdog here, Granite. It doesn't at all sound like your T was upset with you. Rather, it sounds like she was concerned that you were upset and was checking in with you to process your feelings/experience surrounding the whole missed appointment thing. You have a tendency to interpret any kind of questioning as accusatory and scolding, but that doesn't seem to be what is going on here. The secretary letting your T know you seemed upset was appropriate and again, not an accusation that you behaved inappropriately, just a concern about your well-being at the time you left the office. Your T doesn't really sound angry at all (you have a tendency to assume she is angry all the time when it rarely sounds like that is really the case). She was just trying to get you to process what had happened and you panicked, assuming she was scolding you.

I don't know guys. If the T brought up Granite "accusing" her of not calling to the secretary, that sounds kind of like she was upset at Granite, and it sounds like the T did not allow for the possibility that Granite had not gotten the telephone call prior to leaving her house. Maybe it's because I just don't like this T, but I think there were a lot better ways of handling this, like starting off with an apology for Granite's wasted trip.

But Granite didn't say the T brought up Granite "accusing" her of not calling, that was Granite's interpretation. What Granite said was that the T said she had heard Granite had been upset and that they should talk about it.

Perhaps, Chris. I am just a bit concerned that we not be too dismissive of the possibility that Granite's T really did take offense and that Granite is not misconstruing everything.

Wiki- I suspect that he hasn't said anything because I am currently still functioning at my job.. It doesn't very productive of me to spend my days in and hospital when I can still work just fine.

Ugh.. Having a hard time getting over yesterday's t appointment. I am so concerned that t thought I was lying to him, that I emailed him this morning to reassure that wasn't the case.. Which I am sure he will not respond to.. But I am still pissed about the way he acted and the dx.. I want to talk with him about it NOW! But it will have to wait until Friday.

Healed... I understand being upset with Ts talking about diagnosis and labels and stuff but have you read the criteria for that diagnosis under dsm IV and 5 for yourself?

I'm not implying that I think he is correct or not what I am saying is the criteria listed are not some horrible unseemly things...lots of people on this couch have bits and pieces of the items listed as criteria.... If you are who you are....what makes it "bad" if how you are meets those criteria?

I agree with these two, granite.

I see your point, and you could very well be right. I think we question granite on these things because usually when granite can get clarification, T says she wasnt angry. From what i read, granite's T said she wanted to talk about what happened and that the receptionist said granite was upset. Did yoyr T say "the receptionist told me you were upset you didnt get a call?" And if so, that might not neccesarily be accusing, just trying to figure out what happened.

We will never know what granite's T's intentions were - or how things really went down. Unfortunately, everything is clouded when seen through our own lens. I can only really base my feedback on my own experience of granite.

Granite was clearly upset when she posted about what happened....to the point of suggesting the use of vodka.

I believe the dilemma truly is in the barriers to being able to communicate. It's difficult to figure out what's contributing to the barriers - making it quite frustrating. I suffer with similar barriers, and it is by far the most difficult part of being in therapy for me.

Granite

Sorry your session was so upsetting....

Good evening,

12.5 hours until I see my psychologist for the first time in 1.5 months. Getting nervous.

How are you all doing today?

Definitely agree.