Couch 67 - Keep calm, carry on, and have a cup of tea.

I think it shows that you are able to keep the good t in your head over the weekend. I always feel pretty proud of myself when i do something good for myself that i know is a change that my t and i have been reaching for during the week? There are times i have called or texted an announcement to him that i have done something - it solidifies it somehow for me, and he has NOT minimized its importance for either of us. I think you would not abuse the privilege but might rather err on the other side, of being TOO reluctant to contact.

Hello, couch.

So- T session yesterday..

I could actually tell right away that there was more of a lightness between the two of us.. We started off talking about the 2hr delay I had for school that day and how bummed his kids were that it wasn't a snow day.. Anyways- then he said, he got my email, the one explaining to him that I wasn't purposely being dishonest with him and explained myself to him.

He thanked me for sending the email and said, to be honest, he did at first thought that I was dishonest. Then, I told him how hurt I was that he thought that of me, because I have been nothing but honest with him since the beginning, keeping my words when I contract with him that I would be safe. He said, that he was off on the day of our last appointment and apologized for that. and to be fair to him, I heard the conversation he had with his office manager right before he came into my appointment, and I know that threw him off.

Then, we talked about the BPD a little bit. Told him that I didn't feel like he was on my team last session and he said in away he wasn't. But that was because when a patient is having serious SI he has learned he needs to be more directive, and authoritative, etc. I said, that I have felt my whole life that people throw their hands up in surrender and don't know what to do with me and I am afraid that is what he is going to do. He assured me, that he could in fact handle me..

In the end, he asked if I thought he was back on my time, I said yes.. Then he said I could call him if I needed him. We spent a lot of time talking about our T/client relationship and what I think of myself. It just felt so much better! Back to one appointment instead of 2 next week.

In general, I am doing a bit better. The immense sadness has really got a hold of me, but haven't been thinking about suicide as much. I think, that I might start taking Effexor tonight.

Effexor is a newer drug to the market, as in not around for 20 yrs... Myself and SIL has bad reactions to it, so just be aware of yourself and if things start getting worse or you notice different things talk to your doctor right away. There are lots of meds out there and not all will effect everyone the same... Remeber it's a trial and error thing. Good luck.

Healed, I didn't react well to Effexor either - but of course, everyone reacts differently to meds.

I'm glad you were able to reconnect with T.

Thanks, Lola.. I am a bit nervous!

I am so far behind schedule today. I made up a huge list of things that I needed to get done - and I have barely scratched the surface. I am not feeling particularly motivated....but these are all things that need to get done for tomorrow's early Christmas with my sister's family. I don't even have gifts yet for the kids. I can't seem to find where I put my molds so I can make peanut butter cup wreaths which I give to my niece and her boyfriend every year. GRRR.

*sigh*

Maybe in a little bit my daughter and I will head out (in the snow) to the store so I can at least get a couple of things scratched off my list. I did make enough chocolate pretzels, chocolate pretzel w/marshmallow and chocolate covered pistachios for my sister's family. I intended to give them out to my mom, grandmother and uncle who will also be there - but I will see them on Christmas day, so I think I'll hold off.

So, what kind of bad reactions are you all talking about??

For me, it felt like a withdrawal reaction (which could have been the case because I switched from a med that I was on for many years)....I felt my skin crawling, restless legs and describe it to people as wanting to tear every limb off of my body and shove it down someone's throat.

My SIL experienced "brain tremors" when he missed a dose and it eventually led to him getting off it. My SI thoughts increased , I couldn't sleep and experienced those same tremors only milder when I went off it and for months after I was off it. I tried lots of different meds and ended up with Prozac. Again not to freak you out but just in case it doesn't work know there are lots and lots to try and you will find one that works. For MUE's and mine stories there are 100's of positive ones, all meds are different and some have side effects that can cause things to seem worse. It is worth it though when you find the one that works for you.

Hey yous guys I have to run to work but. Just wanted to quickly throw in my experience with Effexor. I think it worked great while I was on if but I reached the max doze. That's when it worked best. The withdraw off it was bad. I wanted to be dead while getting off that med.

I'll be back when the kids go to bed. 7:30 or so. And elaborate. If Healed wants.

I got some blood pressure problems with Effexor - nothing horrible, but I felt dizzy and a bit faint. It wasn't very effective as an antidepressant for me so I did not take it for long. This was 10+ years ago, though, so my memory is a bit foggy.

Thanks for all of the info!

Wow, it is interesting to hear how things are done in different countries. Between college and now I have lived in 5 different complexes and none required you to book a time. Guess the US likes chaos. . My last apartment complex had 10 washers in the laundry room and space to sit and wait. I would rather not have to book though as my schedule is so sporadic.

Lol, no 30 may be a little too cold.

And yes, between dress pants and skirts, I have about 35 bottoms so I have plenty for work days. Then I have about 9 pairs of jeans for the weekends. I have about 90-100 shirts. I must be weird.

What is everyone up to tonight? I know that Jersey is at work, what about everyone else? It has been awfully quiet around here since our formal notice from moderators and Doc John!

Well, I still need to finish putting antlers on my reindeer, but am not home right now. C's mom texted me this afternoon and asked if I would be able to sit with him tonight, so I am at his house.

Just gave him a bath. Now sitting and watching Nickelodeon with him.

Isn't 30 degrees F about freezing point? Much too warm for this time of year.

Yep. 32 is freezing. But FL is not a place where it snows.

**** it! Just got an email from pdoc. He apologized for having to cancel on Monday. But he said I am capable of serving on a jury. I thought that would be the answer, but it was worth a try.

30 degrees would be just plain warm for us right now.. I don't think it got above 8 degrees today... I had to drop the kids of at their Christmas party this morning and it was -2!!

I'm at the mall and I hate people. New couch time?

Lola- but people LOVE you You out buying me a Christmas present? lol

Made a new couch!!!