Missing Counselor. :(

As angry/betrayed/abandoned/hurt as I am over what happened with Robin, after last nights horrible experience all I could think of was to reach out to her but I couldn't, so I did that drawing, and this morning I was thinking about who I'd see, and wondering who was on call and realizing I'd have to share it with a total stranger and how I'm okay with it because I have to be. Because Robin no longer wants to talk to me/see me. So I have to share this deep discovery with someone who won't fully appreciate how difficult it was for me and how amazing it is I could do this. Robin would have celebrated with me, rewarded me in fact. Her happiness and feelings always beamed right off her face, she'd be so open about how proud she was of me.

And I knew I couldn't go to her with this, with anything anymore. And i want to share it with her, but I also don't in a way--but that's a punitive payback immature way. I can't share this with her. I can't go to her anymore. And I felt my heart just sink into a puddle. So this morning we had planned an appt before she ditched me on Friday night, I skipped it. Last time I skipped an appt she called my friend up, got my cell and then called me up and said, "Mel, you had an appt with me today, you never miss, never late. I'm really worried about you, are you okay? Give me a call as soon as possible, okay? Thanks." so this time, I knew better to expect a call but some part of me wanted her to show that she still gave a **** about me, so I slept with the phone next to my ear waiting for the call to wake me.

No call came. No call is coming. Just further proof that I'm so easy to cut out, ditch and no longer care for.

How I miss her. I miss seeing her, talking to her, even being with her. Yesterday she ran into my friend and I and refused to look at me or acknowledge my presence she just kept talking to my friend. The only time she acknowledged I existed was when she said 'you both' and told us to go do something. Sigh. Please Robin? This is torture. I miss you and need you.

Call, apologize and ask for new appointment. The text on Friday was ambiguous, to say the least, but it was not an immediate termination.
This "game" of her proving she cares is hurtful for you.

I agree with anilam

I'm not apologizing for anything, I'm too angry to even want to be in the same room with her. Which I guess is the conflict in my head. I just wish the feelings would go away.

You should reach out to her. Write a letter explaining how you felt in that moment and how you felt let down and abandoned by someone you felt very close to. Let her know that you enjoyed the prior relationship you had and would like to have it back.

I dont know what has happened with you and Robin, but it is obvious that you are hurting and i want to (if its ok with you) send you a huge hug ((((((HUG)))))).

OMG I felt every inch of this post also. Maybe you can call your T office or write an email. Maybe just talk out your differences before you pick up and leave for good if neither of you can resolve the issue and move past it. Explain how you felt hurt and let down.

I'm also dealing with similar issues and am a little stuck myself

Good Luck!!

I said in your other thread that I didn't believe you had been terminated via texts, but it seems clear here that you are determined to see it that way, without even checking in with her about whether you are correct. Pema Chodron-- who has written a number of really great books about how to stop getting hooked into the same situation over and over, said this (it was selected as her weekly quote this week):

"Our habitual patterns are, of course, well established, seductive, and comforting. Just wishing for them to be ventilated isn’t enough. Mindfulness and awareness are key. Do we see the stories that we’re telling ourselves and question their validity? When we are distracted by a strong emotion, do we remember that it is part of our path? Can we feel the emotion and breathe it into our hearts for ourselves and everyone else? If we can remember to experiment like this even occasionally, we are training as a warrior. And when we can’t practice when distracted but know that we can’t, we are still training well. Never underestimate the power of compassionately recognizing what’s going on. "

Is it possible that you are going into your habitual script mode, which is "everyone always leaves me", and then created a self-fulfilling prophesy to make it come true? Can you not imagine the possibility that this is different than you believe it to be-- that she didn't know how to respond to texts about self harming on a holiday weekend? It seems to me that asking for any kind of therapeutic response on a holiday weekend is a tall order, and that's only compounded by the nature of the help requested (SI is probably one of the toughest issues to tackle face to face, harder by phone, and perhaps really complicated by text). Add to the mix that she might be worried about stepping on your therapist's toes (it's possible she's been chewed out before in cases of multiple treatment providers, as it seems to happen pretty regularly).

Is it also possible that you might need to see yourself as a victim in this situation, to avoid the uncomfortable feelings that come with seeing yourself as having more power and agency? Sometimes if we acknowledge that we have a role in the way that other people react to us, then we have to accept responsibility when relationships go into the crapper.

Even if you continue to insist that you were terminated by text when no words were actually stated to that effect, you can move forward in this situation by simply communicating with her that you would like to see her again. You are not stuck in this big pit of anger and missing her, you can do something about it.

I also don't think there is any specific rule about what counselors, or any professional, should do if someone misses an appointment. Some might never call a client, believing that would be intrusive or invasive. Maybe on the first time of a missed appointment, that person would make a phone call to check in. The second time, maybe not. Your interpretation that you are easy to "ditch" is not warranted by the situation, especially because you are the one who simply didn't bother to show up and make an effort. You can hardly expect her to chase after you to "prove" that you are worthy.

You are worthy regardless of whether she calls you or not. It is likely she is following your cues and trying to give you space, and that she thinks you want to "ditch" her. Not an unreasonable interpretation, given that you didn't show for an appointment.

I would encourage you to be reflective rather than assuming the worst about people. IME, seeing people's intentions as benign and their behaviors as having very little loaded meanings was critical to improving my own social relationships. I was single and without friends for quite a long while, and now I've been married for an even longer while, with close friends that have been part of my family for years. I know first hand that you can change the pattern of your relationships and find lasting and meaningful connections with people, but the work has to start with you, and a good place is to stop blaming the other person.

ListenMoreTalkLess; genius post!! Can you please post this to me next time i have abandonment worries?

I totally agree. I should read that post every other day. I'm always anxious about the possibility of being abandoned by my T. It's my biggest fear right now. LMTL you are brilliant!!!

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Agree - thank you LMTL for this inspirational post. I definitely need to read this daily. I am going to look into mindfulness more. This has given me a lot to think about.

Big hugs to Daeva - I am so sorry you are going through this. Take care.

Haha, be careful what you ask for. In all seriousness, thanks for the appreciation. I was anticipating being torn to shreds.

Also in seriousness, I can remember thinking exactly in this destructive way. I wonder if I would have listened if someone had told me what I said.

By me? I don't have enough energy to give to tearing someone to shreds, really. I couldn't careless at this point. I'm having dinner then I'm getting a ride to St Mary's. I'm going into the psych ward. I figured it was the safest place for me after I caught myself writing a S letter. Ha. At least my T is the mental health evaluater tnight we can have a nice chat about why I'm so pathetic.

I'm so sorry for all this pain you're going through. I hope you can find some comfort tonight.

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I don't think you are pathetic, but I do wish you wouldn't conceive of yourself that way. Nobody who is seeking help, particularly inpatient, is anything but brave. I am sorry that you are hurting so badly, and I hope your time in the hospital is healing.

Remember this? And this? Hold on to those outlets and those moments when you are feeling like you are tonight. Hope you feel better

Hey guys, so let m explain what happened. I have been in the psych ward there twice, once when I was suicidal and once when I overdosed in OCtober. I have this ****tard psych doc named Ninan. He is an ***. He always uses a condescending tone, disbelieves you and doesn't listen. So I had to retell why I was so bad, a combination of feeling abandoned by Robin and having horrible flashbacks to my CSA on tuesday night and he didn't get it, even after I said I don't feel safe with myself I'm going to slit my wrists bad. And so he gave me two options, go home call angela tomorrow (She's not in the office it's her day off), or take a zyprexa and stay the night to get evaluated today. So I took that choice, well the evaluator wanted me to stay however Ninan goes, "Send her home and tell her to just wait it out till she sees angela. she's fine." Like really? I still feel the same exact way SO helpful. Douchebag

Then I tell this pdoc of mine TWO MONTHS ago I want something for anxiety and he says i'm fine. Then last night he goes, "Do you want something for anxiety?" I'M LIEK I SAID THAT TWO MONTHS AGO YES FOR ****S SAKE. So he gives me a higher perscription of Seroquel which he knows I HATE.